Life, Writing

Connect with Myself: Part 2

With a click of my fingers;

I have a job that treats me with respect, gives me breaks and I’m able to make homecooked meals each day.

I live in the home of my dreams, with my husband and two pooches.

I help others but also ensure I do the inner work I need to do and provide myself with self-care.

It would be nice if all that happened with a click of my fingers. I know I’ve got to put the work in to do this; to have my life be like that. I’m gonna need to complete steps to move forward.

First thing is I feel I need to change my availability form to allow myself to have a proper break in my long days. Rather than leaving the house at 6:40am and getting home at 9:30pm. More so when I don’t get paid for being out all that time.

Secondly, I am gonna show my face at the estate agents and get them to chase the vendor and his solicitors to move things along. the 4-6 weeks we were originally told is now coming to 11 weeks. All I’ve been doing is waiting.

Life, Writing

Connect with Myself: Part 1

If I said yes to myself and my life right now I would embrace all of me; my quirks, gifts, flaws, strengths and all. I would be relaxed in my own life. Have acceptance, without shame, guilt or doubt.

I would have an open heart and cherish all. I would feel the joy in all areas of my life. Embracing every moment; good or bad. Working out the best way forward without judgement.

If I felt this right now I would feel differently about my job and the way I live my life. I wouldn’t just feel different. I would be different.

A better version of my current self. Different but the same. Having self-love at the centre of it all.

Life, Writing

All Good Fun

It’s been an easy going day. Being my dads birthday; Happy Birthday Dad. We went over this evening and had dinner, spending some time with him and my step mum.

During the day I spent some time looking at wedding planning. I did 2 rounds of the guest list and I got my 3rd version of the seating plan. We’ve 21 months to go, this could all change.

My mums going to help me do our cake. That’s a big cost there down. Daves dad said he would do the save the dates and invitations. I was going to ask if he would be able to do the place cards too. That way we can have the same design all the way through.

I may also ask about the table numbers and seating plan cards. There are a few things I haven’t looked at yet. Will have to see about them and the price ranges we’re to accept.

I feel that if I had the funds right now, it would have been all booked. We’re saving and the rest may have to be pay to paycheck. All good fun.

Life, Writing

Fierce Self-Love: Part 3

I believe that by truly loving myself, it’ll cause me less mental health troubles. I would be loving myself for who I am. Not worrying about others and what they think. Stepping myself back through their judgements and my mind reading them.

I would love my body. Wearing what I want to wear and what I’m confident in regardless of what others think. I would do the things that I love and want to do regardless of my surroundings, money and again other peoples opinions.

Other peoples opinions and please pleasing has been a theme for me. It has improved a lot. I’m taking steps towards doing what I want to do and living the life I want.

The hard things for me are to get the balance and at times saying no. It becomes harder when I say no and need to have an excuse for people as to why I’ve said no. It isn’t the right, acceptable answer for them.

This is something I need to continue to work on. Getting to the point where I love myself unconditionally and apply self-love without it being a second thought is where I’d love to be.

Today’s reflection:


Life, Mental Health, Writing

Fierce Self-Love: Part 2

To be able to love my body completely, I need to learn to love myself fully. To do this I need to know what I love about myself. I’ve grown up very much a people pleaser. Forgoing my own self-love majority of the time.

Up until my mental health decline, I never even thought about self-love as a thing that needed to happen. Now that I know otherwise and I’m less of a people pleaser; I’m now not doing everything for others above myself.

I now realise I’ve got to look after myself and my needs, in order to help others. Even with this realisation, I don’t or haven’t looked within myself of the things I love about myself.

Having a pause to think about this;

I do love that I have the capacity to help others.

I love the motivation to better my mental health.

I love that I’m determined to make something of my life, to find my purpose.

I love the kind heart, the logical and creativity of my brain.

Life, Writing

R.I.P Dear Fish

Not a nice topic to write about tonight. It’s my reality and I need to get this out to help me stop turning it around in my head all night.

I’m not a fish person but I’d do anything, within my power, to look after them. So far, I’ve done everything asked of me.

When I woke this morning, I didn’t believe that I came down to spot a dead fish. Even though I’m not a fish lover, I don’t want to be the one to kill them or break the news to their owner but its what I’ve done.

We believe the fish to die was unwell went it arrived. As the other fish have eaten some of him/her, they are potentially getting sick too.

When I got home from work, I found another dead. I was eventually was able to remove them from the tank and with instructions from the owner to carry out a water change plus treatment. I was worried the others would die as they were losing colour.

I’m gonna carry on to help as much as I can till the owner gets back. I wouldn’t want to come back off holiday to find my pets no longer with us.

Goals, Health, Life, Writing

Fierce Self Love: Part 1

One of my blackboard tasks is Loving my Body. It’s not a task that can be just ticked off. I really need to be loving my body wholeheartedly for this to be true.

When I think about loving my body, it’s not just my body but myself as a whole. Surely, if I can’t love myself, I can’t love my body. Loving myself unconditionally. Loving myself fiercely.

I want to be able to see the love for myself each time I look into the mirror. See my flaws, not as flaws, but what makes me who I am. That my nose is perfect in every way as it is the nose that makes me me. That the off centred mouth makes the smile that shines each day.

I might be borderline when it comes to my weight; underweight to ideal. But this is the body that allows me to move and have a shape others dream of.

To love myself no matter what, I should disregard what the official scale says. I know when I feel healthy and good about my body. I don’t need an aim to lose weight or one to gain. I need to aim to eat healthily, enjoy daily movement and to know that I’m beautiful no matter what.

Watched: Dracula Untold > 3.5 out of 5
Safe House > 2.5 out of 5