Conversations

My number 2 Q1 goal is, to be honest with others. So far so good. I’ve been having honest conversations with Dave about how I feel. I’ve told one of my closes friends, G, I’ve been writing this blog. Which is also an outlet for my honesty.

Conversations, face-to-face, with people I something struggle with. I’m a lot better than when I was younger. I’ve lost friends, missed experiences and gone on many paths in my life so far. All because of conversations I have or haven’t had.

Since starting as a Community Care Worker, I feel my conversational confidence has increased. Interacting and bringing my customers’ spirits up is what I do.

This may be the case but conversation is something I need to work on. I’ve started reading Life Changing Conversations by Sarah Rozenthuler. How the author writes has really drawn me in. I’m looking forward to being able to pick it up again. Thank you to my local library for making that possible.

What am I looking to get out of the book? > Seeing if I’m able to have those conversations that matter by learning strategies.

 

Little Boost from a Friend

Home photos were done. I was able to put back some of my things. It definitely feels good to have my mark in my room.

Today was also a day when one of my close friends read my blog for the first time. I plucked up the courage to tell him about my world here yesterday. Hearing him be positive about what I’ve written. He said that it helped him understand me a little more on my mental health.

He asked me if anyone else I personally knew had read it. To my knowledge only one other. G (my friend) said that my friend B should read it. I said I’d try and tell her when I next see her.

That stage fright settles in when thinking about it.

Both G and B are trusted friends. I feel if I don’t tell B soon, it may be harder for me to say in the future.

I’ve thought about sending a text. But I would rather talk to her face-to-face. Build my confidence up on talking about my blog to those I know.

Personalisation

Tomorrow the estate agent is coming round to take photos of the house. By the end of the week, it will be up for sale. Today I’ve helped with last minute decorating and de-personalising of my room.

I like the idea of minimalism. I’m curious on the topic. It’s got me thinking in the past, leading me to really think about what I own. A number of charity shop trips was the outcome.

But not having anything up or around me that represents who I am does put me down. Once the photos are taken, I’m able to put some things back up.

It’s got me thinking for when we have our own home. I would like to have less clutter and have a level of minimalism but I want to have personalised items. Those things that mean something to us not just because it looks pretty.

Feeling Joy

Since the New Year, I’ve tried to get into the mindset of my theme; Joy. The past few days I’ve had the sense that I’m feeling Joy even when I’m not doing anything.

I’ve also noticed the ends of my lips are turned up more. Engaging my face muscles, I think is helping. When I relax my face I feel a change in how I feel. Smiling helps me feel better.

I believe I’m gonna enjoy 2018. Have a more positive outlook on things.

A Little Confidence

A couple of weeks ago I decided to start doing BSL videos of my own to help me with my learning. So that, when I’ve completed the course and my access goes I have something visual to look back at. Refresh my memory.

I had done the alphabet video. After completing I wrote about caring what others thought of me. Doing the video did bring out my lack of self-confidence and anxiety.

I’ve had another go.

I’ve taken the advantage of an empty home to complete all of the videos of the lessons I’ve done so far. I had fun doing them. Even thought of being more enthusiastic about sharing them.

But me being me, the perfectionist wants to do it the right way. I thought maybe to do a little BSL series for when I’ve completed all my own lessons. It’s something to think about.

img_20180105_115258-collage.jpg


Watched: Dark Signal > 1 out of 5

Courses Overload

Ennui – a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement

A new word for me. I’ve certainly felt boredom, lethargy, restlessness and weariness. The list could have a few more. I go through stages where I feel these.

I believe restlessness is where I’ve been at over the past few days. I’m at a point again where I’ve put a load of things on myself, instead of going through each, which I’m doing slowly. But yet again I’m adding more.

In my MCS: Part 1 I wrote about becoming a life coach, helping others achieve their dreams.

Albeit I’m doing steps to achieve my dreams. How can I help others achieve their goals if I can’t do what I preach? I need to do some serious talking with myself, get myself together.

MCS: Part 3

Fear 1: Fear of failure, that I can’t do it and I’d revert back to being anxious/depressed

What wound(s) might be behind the fear?

  • Not feeling good enough
  • Starting things but giving up or withdrawing when things get hard (2x university withdrawals. 1: a course I didn’t want to pursue in the end. 2: Mental health flared up)

What does that wound need to heal?

  • To take small steps, build up confidence
  • When things get hard, find a way to make it easier and practice

Fear 2: Other people’s opinions and input into what I do

What wound(s) might be behind the fear?

  • Social anxiety
  • Mindset
  • People telling me I shouldn’t do that
  • People telling me I’m doing things wrong or don’t have the skills
  • Bullied at school for trying to be me which caused me to revert into myself

What does that wound need to heal?

  • Not allow other peoples thoughts and opinions affect me
  • Remind myself that I am enough
  • Remind myself that I can be the person I want to be
  • Remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. incorporate music into my life. To evoke that I could: 

  • Sort out all the music on my iPod that doesn’t resonate with me
  • Note down songs I love singing to download onto my iPod
  • Keep my speakers on when my alarm goes off
  • Use headphones when unable to use speakers

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. Being in and seeing the natural world. To evoke that I could:

  • Research travel destinations
  • Talk to friends and family to see where they would recommend going
  • Get travel books out of the library
  • Set up a travel fund
  • Go for a 30-minute walk no matter the weather each day
  • Open my blinds each morning
  • Do work/read/relax outside
  • Make a comfortable space by a window

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. Achieving or being apart of big dreams. To evoke that I could:

  • Look into life coach courses
  • When finding one. Do it!
  • Research life coaches
  • See if any books could help from library
  • Make small steps on how to achieve my own big dreams

How does my inner perfectionist operate?

  • Trying to do everything myself
  • Saying yes so can do them even when not something I want to do
  • Have to do things until its perfect
  • Saying not good enough or needs redoing causing myself to stress along the way
  • Having to be in control