Life, Goals

‘Conflicting Emotions’

My mind and my heart run through conflicting emotions. I feel or think one thing one day, then the next it could be completely different. Sometimes it stays the same. I rarely fully understand what it is I want.

I’m going through life but not fully understanding. Does it mean I’m living to the fullest or not?

Hopefully by goals for Q4 of deep down journalling and getting shit done will allow that question to be answered.


Watched: Anon > 1 out of 5

Life, Mental Health, Writing

‘I can’t wait to be in my own house’

10:36 pm:

I get a message from Dave. It’ll be another house before he’s home. Is it best to go to his mums?

I panic and worry about my parents’ reactions. I hate this feeling and start crying my eyes out. How pathetic?

But that is how I feel. I hate that I do. That I have been made to feel scared to arrive home after a certain time. I really hate it. If we were living in our own place I wouldn’t feel this way. We’d be able to come and go as we please. No matter the time.

I sent a message to my mum to come upstairs. She found me crying my eyes out. Once I calmed, I told her about the message and that it’ll be later. I said I was being stupid. But I said the truth.

David is coming back here. Even at the later time. But I don’t feel that it’ll change how I feel about being, being made to feel like I have a curfew when I don’t. I’ve never had a curfew. It’s not that I stayed out late all the time. I was a good kid.

But I guess it is my take on other people words. My mum obviously told my step-dad and he came up to hug me and said there’s no need to cry. Even so, I still can’t wait to be in my own house.

Life, Writing

Will we be in by 1st December?

We’ve done some more to the house. Rooms are starting to form. They are becoming complete, slowly ready for the plasterer.

B helped me put the insulation in the internal stood walls for the bedrooms and bathroom. Ready so that we can put the plasterboards up. After a few hours, I got tired and fed up. I want the house to be done. I seem to be able to do some work in small doses before the novelty wears off.

My step-dad says we’ll be in for the 1st December. Will that happen?

Is there a countdown option on WordPress at all? Need to try and remember this date to see if we are in by that date.

Goals, Life

My Goal of Getting Shit Done

I feel worries that I’ll call back into the habit of not doing anything. Just watching telly all the time. That I’ll daily at Getting Shit Done.

This evening I got some shit done. Mileage! The bane of my life but if I want to claim back what I can be entitled to I need to but the evidence to the Government. When the cut off date for this year came I was no way meet completing. To the point I still haven’t.

Which also means I haven’t started this current years either. Mileage is just plain boring, but it’s something shit that I need to get done.

This evening I got back into it. I made check lists for last year’s claim and made a start. I checked one of the boxes off my list.

Then I took time to relax. I think that’s where I went wrong yesterday. My mind was still wired when I went to sleep and having to leg room to move made me frustrated. I did get to sleep but woke with my right arm numb, above my head. I must move about as I don’t go to sleep with my arm there.

With my worries, and my goal to Get Shit Done. I don’t want to be hard on myself or put myself down. What I did yesterday and this evening was great. I’ve done something to get closer to my end goal. Ultimately that is the aim of Getting Shit Done.

I should be proud of myself for that. No, wait! I am proud of myself for that. I am now going to read to help turn my mind off. Get myself to sleep easier tonight.

Life, Writing

Q3 Review 2018

It’s been a good no telly Tuesday. Productive. We bought insulation for the house and decided on the paints for all but 2 rooms.

It was the Q3 review call for the Holiday Council. To begin with I tried to do it while cooking and eating dinner. I was stop starting it and wasn’t getting much of the review done. Then my parents came home so I decided to try out my mum’s new home office.

Doing it this way I was more productive, I got my review done.


I feel like I’m not being me completely. I’m being lazy. I feel guilty for not doing things I feel I should have done. I feel I’m partially being the person I want to be for my family and friends.

In the last 3 months we’ve booked our wedding venue and photographer. We’ve bought a house and getting it renovated. I’ve started my BSL video series.

The thing I’m beginning to finally accept is that I’m overwhelming myself, then I don’t do anything but what telly. Then I start to comfort eat. I do start somethings but lose interest or motivation. No matter the time or money spent, I am being more deliberate with my yes and no when it comes to work.

I think I’m embodying easefulness more into the point of laziness. I’m not doing the things I need to do or have experiences. I’m not always present in the now. Fully enjoying myself.

What I’m craving is Getting Shit Done. Check lists or step by step of goals to achieve the big goals is my aim to help me achieve Getting Shit Done.


I started this evening after my review with the BSL video series. I’ve done more posts and I’ve been making a check list of what I need to do or come back to at a later date.

I like this idea so I’m gonna try this for my every day tasks and goals too. By doing this I hope that by the new quarter, which is in the New Year, that I’ll have done most of my back log of to-dos and courses I’ve signed up for.

Life, Writing

Drowning in Plastic Documentary

I’ve just finished watching Drowning in Plastic on BBC One. I knew the oceans were coated in plastics, that marine animals were effected and that the view and our actions on daily use of plastics need to change.

But after watching this documentary, wow, I was gobsmacked and ashamed that it’s as bad as it is. There’s got to be more everyone in the world can do. Plus the large plastic companies.

The fact not everyone in the world as access to recycling and has to dump there rubbish!!

That’ll help quicker then having to wait another 7 years before there’s progress.

What actions can we take to change?

Life, Writing

Do I Know the True Meaning of Hard Work?

Hard work: Do I even know the true meaning?

Would I even get through a shift doing something classed as hard work?

I do and I don’t find my job as hard work. Maybe more mentally than physically. Others would say it’s not, then some would say it is. I could come across something new to me and say it’s hard. To others, it’s an easy thing.

Everything takes hard work until it isn’t. The amount of time and effort put into something makes it less hard work the more you put into it.

Drive and motivation or determination put towards work, life and the goals set. It’ss all be hard until it’s not. At the end of the day it’s all down to one person; you.