Mental Health, Writing

Little Interest

I felt a little disinterested at times today. I’ve gone out and done some things on my outing list. Being a tourist in my own country is something I want to be interested in. I don’t even know why I felt that way. I’m out doing something I want to do and I’m not fully there.

I can’t wrap my head around it.

I went to Nunnington Hall. Saw the most beautiful Peacock. I’ve not been lucky enough to see them with their tails fully spread out.


Then off to York; to the Jorvik centre and the Harry Potter shop. The Jorvik centre took forty minutes to get inside! Then spent less time inside the place. This didn’t help my thinking.


But then to the Harry Potter shop. I didn’t have to wait as long this time. It was good seeing all the Harry Potter merchandise, that I haven’t seen before.

Maybe it’s history that’s not for me. But it’s what I’ve grown up around. Going to stately homes or old ruins.

I did have an achievement today. It may not be one for you reading this, but for those who know me, this is huge… I drove home from York without the SatNav.

After dinner, it was cinema time. I enjoy going to the cinema. It was a shame about the film though. Sorry not sorry to all Marvel/Spiderman fans out there but I only found it watchable.

Towards bedtime, I felt disconnected with my partner. I love when he massages me/caresses my skin. But when I did something I didn’t like because it made me tense rather than relax. He stopped everything. ‘Just giving my arm a rest’ he said.

It maybe true but it made me feel disheartened. I’m sure there’s something wrong with me deep down. I don’t like or find I can’t relax or find painful that should be enjoyable to everyone.

I don’t know the answer. But something has to be done.


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