Unsettling Part of Life

My blood test came back clear. The one that was taken from my sexual health visit. It’s great to hear good news.

But it doesn’t make me feel better about my sex life. The pain, discomfort, the small bleeding. Doesn’t feel me with the joys I’d expect from sex. I’ve never experienced the wonderful joy of sex you seen in the films.

I can’t remember a time I was horny, had an orgasm or not uncomfortable. My partner and ex-partners may have something to say. An ex of mine reminds me I was horny with him etc. But I can’t remember being that way.

Either I have a bad memory or I’m good at faking.

I don’t want to fake it. I want my body to react. To enjoy the pleasures of sex. To be naturally turned on.

I have my sexual health walk in with the doctor in two weeks. If she’s not able to give me advice I don’t know what I would do. Surely there’s more to sex than what I’m experiencing. I just don’t know which direction to turn. Know I’m in the right direction to sorting it out.

I just don’t know which direction to turn. Know I’m in the right direction to sorting it out. All I want is to feel something other than pain.

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