Life, Writing

Less then 2 weeks…

We have signed the contract!

No backing out now. We found we couldn’t close our help to buy ISA over online banking, so we need to each go to our banks to sort.

I’m going tomorrow, Dave the next day.

We have less then 2 weeks until the suggested completion date. I really hope it all goes to plan.

In 2 weeks time we should own our own home.

Watched: The Expendables 2 > 3.5 out of 5

Jigsaw (2017) > 2 out of 5


Eye Spy

A part of me has noticed that my sight may have got slightly worse. Just little things I’m noticing. The fact I’ve been squinting a bit more then usual.

The fact I’m squinting on a normal basis probably isn’t a good thing.

At time my focusing is a little off. I have to really look at what I’m seeing in front of me.

I’ve booked an appointment for next week to see where my eyes are at. Especially with the headaches and eye aches I’ve been getting lately.

I’m due a test in the next 2 months anyway. My eye health is important. It’ll be good to get them checked out even if I’m imaging the change.

I’ve been wearing glasses since I was in year 6. I used to sit at the back of the class.

I have a memory of being in class, being asked to do the work on the board. For me it looked like there was nothing on it.

Until I was able to go to the optition, I was moved out of my ability group, closer to the front, so I could see.

Do kids still get out in group for their ability? Surely this is something that has changed, right?

No matter a person ability, they are able to grow, learn and be the person they know deep down they can be. Why separate into groups?

Life, Mental Health, Writing

Having a Low Point

I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t focus on doing one thing. My mind is all over the place. I’d much rather watch a Greys Anatomy Marathon then think or do anything to help myself.

I’m eating rubbish, which is giving me a sugar hangover if that’s a thing. Comfort eating to delay solving myself. The problem is me. No doubt about it.

I’ve no ‘get up and go’ attitude to sorting my life out right now. I can’t expect it to be okay and fall into place when I have the keys in my hand. Yes, it’ll give me a purpose for a while but it won’t fix me. Just delay the possible.

I’m in that mindset that I had no words yesterday and I didn’t even get my journal out. I’m self-sabotaging. I’m my own worst enemy.

I did do daily movement; my car had its MOT. Instead of sitting and waiting I walked home and back again to collect it. If I took the MOT away would I have done the daily movement? I don’t know. Maybe not.

I need to buck up my ideas. Get shit done and really figure me out to find my purpose in life.

Valarian > 1 out of 5

Life, Writing

R.I.P Malcolm

It’s never nice to see family and friends upset. I’m afraid today was one of those days.

We got news that one of my step-great-uncles has been diagnosed with cancer in his ear. This is on top of other cancer he has been treated for.

Then I got news that my friend has broken up with her boyfriend who is another friend of mine. It wasn’t an easy break-up. It’s hard when money is involved. It makes things even more difficult. Especially when the understanding isn’t there on both sides.

Unfortunately, the news didn’t stop there. We then got news that another of my step-great-uncles died this afternoon. Seeing my Grandma and my step-dad upset is so hard. Even more so when I’m unable to take the pain away.

When bad news is around you it makes me feel like good news from today is irrelevant. That good news cannot be celebrated because of what’s happening.

Dave and I have a moment to ourselves on a walk to allow us to process the bad but also the good news we’ve had today. In 5 days time, we are going to the solicitors for the first time in 3 months. We can finally start the end of buying our house.

Once back from our walk we went back to supporting those who needed us.

Life, Writing

Where does your mindset go to?

I’ve noticed my mindset goes straight to blame, judgement or anger. This then can spiral to ranting to others while I’m in this mindset. Being in this mindset and having these reactions aren’t serving me. It’s not following my values and it doesn’t put in a good light.

I’m glad I’m becoming more mindful of these reactions. When I notice such reactions, I now need to try stopping myself and reevaluate the situation I’m in. To turn around my reaction and move forward in a way that is who I am and my values.


Defining Success: Part 1

The meaning of success if different for everyone. My version of success will be different to yours and that’s okay.

My version of success is what it looks like to ‘be happy’, enjoying everyone moment of my life. Only I can know when I’ve hit success. I should embrace it all and every moment in between.

Success to me is living by my values, being honest and open with those around me. Having the ones I love in my life. Having the creativity and compassion around me.

Being free/having the freedom to live my life on my terms. Doing what I want to do and when I want to do it.

Sharing my love with those around me. Not forcing anything on anyone. Not making them a victim.

Being me and allowing others to blossom in their potential. It doesn’t matter about how much money I have or the material possessions we have. It’s about the experiences and how I feel. The feeling that it’s all right with me.

That is how I see success.