I’ve had a final job offer and start in the new year. I handed in my notice so in 4 weeks I finish my current job, then have 10 days before my new job starts. I have 6 weeks of training then I’ll be starting on a full time rota in the ward I’m being placed.
I was so happy when I got the news I called all my parents to let them know. It’s definitely put me in a good mood.
Just before I got the offer I had sat down to start the first call for HoCo. I turned my phone on silent to try focus on the task at hand. I did mostly without looking at my phone but I did pause the recording to check. It’s a step, I suppose I need to work on that.
Week one is all about reviewing the past year, releasing and keeping. It’s helped me work towards my releasing challenge. What I’ve written to honour my strength I’m going to type up and have crossed out. All the keeping from 2018 is going to be bold.
Bought a house. Booked our wedding. No chocolate since 29th January. Deep journalling. New job offer. Group holiday. Solo trip to London for coach meeting. Completed NVQ and Life Coaching Level 2 Quals. Time spent with family; meals, weekend away. Dragon tattoo. Demi Lovato with E. Michael McIntyre with Dave. New friend: V. Moving to Ossett. Dave birthday tank driving. Over 100 followers on blog. Steps with B, her mum and my mum. Cirque du Soleil with my mum; OVO. Meadowhall Christmas Live with B. Cinderella with Dave. Time of work with Dave. Feeling like being more open with all and myself. Going to therapy; getting off anti-depressants. No social media. Spending time at YAS. Change of car. Dave and I moving in together. Trip to Aunty B.
Feeling inadequate for going to therapy and being on anti-depressants. Anus. Stomach. Getting myself to overwhelm points and putting too much on myself. Malcolm passing away. Grandma slowing deteriating and finding it hard to watch. Frustration and anger feelings. Procrastination on tasks causing myself to get into overwhelm state more so. Not taking care of myself; self-care and love. Focusing on others before myself. Unable to concentrate on one tasks at a time. Mind on over drive. Not being easeful, patient or gentle with myself. Not exploring a new level of intimacy or giving/recieving pleasure.
I’ve learned things about myself and how much I care about having experiences in life: with Dave, family and friends, then spending every day at work or spending it on rubbish. I feel more like myself by opening up to people and writing deeper. Being sent to enjoy my spare time. I now believe I can do something I put my mind to. When I truly want something or am passionate about it I’ll do it. It doesn’t feel like a chore.
I understand why I need to be myself and work towards figuring out myself as a whole.
As well as the releasing above we had prompts to see if there are other releasing; those that don’t serve me.
In 2019 I will let go of my belief that I am not enough and that everything cannot be done. That anxiety is what’s stopping me.
In 2019 I will release these harmful habits – mindset of frustration and anger. Self sabotaging myself and my mind. Putting others before my own needs.
In 2019 I will remember that every moment is there to be enjoyed that if I don’t enjoy what I’m doing that something needs to change.
In 2019 I will stop feeling frustrated, overwhelm and the anxiety bubble.
In 2019 I am leaving behind the above feelings and the belief I am not enough. That I cannot do new things.
I’ve a couple more sheets for week one to complete, a guest interview and the challenges. The good thing there is no deadline for HoCo. Yes it’s done within a 3 week period but we can go at our own pace. I feel I’m putting my all into it this year. I’m starting to feel like I want to work on myself and figure out who I am.