Whether from being bullied about my body weight or the depression and anxiety, I’ve had negative thoughts about how I see myself and my body.
“I’m not good enough” “I’m not fat enough” “My nose, hair, stomach, thighs, bum isn’t right. They need changing”
Some people go to different extremes in order to get their body right for them. Sometimes it does help and that change allows them to be themselves for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, the changes have also caused more problems then good. Effecting their lives and body love for the rest of their lives. It can affect a person’s mental health significantly too.
Having a health relationship with one’s body isn’t always easy. If it was we’d all love our body the way they are. A health relationship is what I ultimately want. I want to do it in the healthiest way I can for me. How I’m gonna do that, I haven’t figured that part out yet. But I know I don’t want extreme actions.
My negative mindset on my body isn’t as bad as it used to be but it still creams in. Doubting myself and my appearance. It affects my confidence and happiness. I want this confidence and happiness back. I want that dress I love but thought I couldn’t pull it off. That hairstyle it took me 3 years to achieve due to believing I couldn’t do it.
My inner critic is always alert when my body is involved. I need to teach my inner critic that I’m in control. Maybe the inner critic stemed front those who bullied me at school? I’ve always been saddened and held myself back from the bullies. They aren’t in my life anymore. I was very good at running away, well, moving is the word.
I may have spent 17 years in that one place but I never felt entirely comfortable being there. Never felt like home. Where I am now I do. Being comfortable in my surroundings helped me be comfortable in myself. Is it bad I had to move away from where I grew up to feel comfortable in where I am? Like we can have negative people around us, does that me there can be negative places or is it just how our perception has been created caused by the negative people?