A Relaxed Week on my Goals

This week I’ve tried to be more relaxed about completing my goals. I’ve gone from 4 non-telly days last week to 1 so far this week. Monday I set some ME TIME for the evening. I chose Pitch Black film then continued watching some episodes of Greys Anatomy.

Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Murder on the Orient Express. I went by myself. Didn’t have a full-blown panic attack this time. Just chest pains. I enjoyed the film even though I believe I was one of the youngest in the screen.

Wednesday I did a few pages of my Overcoming Workbook and then spent a couple hours watching some more Greys Anatomy.

Today, I did a yoga workout, did breathing exercises, completed a lesson of my BSL course. Helping me to achieve my no telly by spending my ME TIME evening reading than listening to music while doing some of my jigsaw puzzles.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start giving you a play by play of what I do each and every day. I just wanted to make a point. Although I did work on a couple of goals I spent time for myself doing what I wanted.

I don’t feel as mentally stressed for it. But I still feel tired. I’ve been sleeping through the night lately. Although the past couple of mornings I’ve woke to find either my engagement ring off or pillows and bedding at the other end of the bedroom. What I’ve been doing in my sleep I do not know.

Maybe it’s something I need to monitor. Be mindful of how I find myself and my room when I wake in the morning.


A Sense of Guilt

I have this sense of guilt. I’m not sure of the reason. As far as I believe I have done nothing to be guilty of. I’ve spent the day doing a mix of things.

I took the time to watch telly. I’ve had a good week of no telly. Because I’ve watched telly I haven’t done a lot towards my goals. Maybe that’s where my sense of guilt is coming from.

I can’t feel guilty of not spending a whole day completing goals. By being mentally and physically active all the time I’m wearing myself out. More mentally. Tiring my mind out causing my body to crash down in places.

I think I’m finding it hard to accept going slowly, taking the time. Focusing all on one task at a time. Future me is pulling down again because I’m not being present in the here and now.

There aren’t enough hours in a day to complete everything you want out of life. I need to accept that I can do everything, just not right this second. The support I have on and off my blog, to help me through. To help my mindset get towards healthy feels cherishing. Speaking, writing and opening up has made a difference.

I’m just not at the finishing line yet.

Understanding My Inner Critic

I’m always hard on myself. I doubt myself. I criticise myself. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I need to learn how to change this. Andrea Own has done a guide and questions on your inner critic. These are my own response to her Questions.

  1. Know your inner critic intimately. 

Q: What areas in your life are you the hardest on yourself?

Body/appearance. Future. Finance.

Q: What does your inner critic specifically say to you?

“Your not good enough”. “You won’t get to where you want to go”. “Your don’t have the confidence or drive to get there”. “What’s the point?” “Your too skinny / boney”. “Your never gonna put on weight”. “No one is gonna want to see your body. Especially not Dave”. “Why wear that?” “Your never gonna own your own home”. “Your spending too much”.

2. Uncover hidden beliefs inside our shit-talker. 

Q: What are the things that you can pull out of the statements that you have come to believe about yourself?

“I’m not deserving / smart enough for success”. “I’m never gonna own my own home”. “I don’t deserve to be comfortable in my own skin”. “I don’t know how to do this”. “I can’t do this”.

3. Challenge those beliefs

Q: What if the beliefs weren’t true?

I do deserve success. I work hard to get to where I wanna go. If there is something I find I can’t do, I figure out how. I will own my own home. We are saving where we can. I spend more when I’m anxious. I need to process and I’ll be able to cut down. Everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own skin. I’m doing everything right to get the weight on.

Q: If these beliefs weren’t true, how would I show up differently in my life?

I would have confidence in what I do. I would follow my path, conquer all obstacles in my way. Ask for help when I need it. I’d continue to better myself on my terms. Being honest to all as well as myself. I’d wear what the hell I like.

Q: If these beliefs weren’t true, what decisions would I make?

I would be more mindful with my actions and thoughts. Conscious of my intentions with both people and food. I would make decisions that feel right for me. I would move jobs now. I would travel the world. I would go to a mortgage adviser.

These questions I would never have thought to ask myself. I believed once you had an inner critic that’s it. They’re with you for life. Which they are. You have to understand and know the way to be able to be the boss rather then the critic take over.

The I woulds and the inner critic needs work. I need to start implementing the I woulds into my life.

Do you understand your inner critic?

I Wanna…

I wanna go to sleep. I wanna get comfy. I wanna be warm. I wanna be healthy. I wanna be happy.

I wanna have my other half laying beside me. I wanna talk until the sun comes up.

I wanna have my whole family together. I wanna have them all loving one another.

I wanna stand up and shout for what’s right. I wanna make a difference in the world. I wanna be courage. I wanna say YES to celebrating your dreams. I wanna be the person you can count on.

But right now I wanna sleep. I wanna close my eyes. I wanna wake up and all be OK.

Doing or Being?

When you go about your day or have an experience. Which mode are you in? Being or doing.

Doing > You do things automatically without thinking. You’re so focused on the aim you forget to enjoy and appreciate what is around you.

Being > When you’re being you’re accepting and present. You welcome what the here and now has to offer. Not focusing on the result. You observe situations calmly, absorbing them and do what’s necessary. Leaving your worries outside yourself.

I would like to say I live in being mode but unfortunately, I don’t. Doing mode is my default. I was taught another breathing meditation. Where all you do is be aware of your breathing. No special way to breathe. Just how you breathe naturally.

Find a quiet place to sit, back straight and close your eyes for five minutes. When you’re finished ask yourself these three questions. My responses are beneath them. 

What did you notice?

I noticed I breathe fast naturally. My mind did wonder slightly but I was able to bring my mind back to being aware of my breathing.

What went well?

Being able to come back to my awareness. That my mind didn’t wander as much as it has in the past.

What was difficult?

I found it difficult to get to grips on how fast I naturally breathe.

To help switch from doing to being mode:

  • Avoid doing several things at the same time
  • Take time out for yourself between activities
  • Meditation/breathing awareness
  • Start and end the day in the here and now
  • Talk and listen consciously
  • Do daily routines with awareness
  • Notice your posture and movements
  • Eat with awareness

When you have an experience, do you reflect on it? Try asking yourself these questions after an experience each day:

How did you feel?
What thoughts did you have doing the experience?
What sensations did you notice in your body?
What thoughts are going through your mind now?

Become aware of your experiences. I know I need to. If like me you default in doing mode. This needs to change to being mode.

Simply Complicated Review

This girl writes a review! I was captivated by what Rachel wrote.

I like to watch a good documentary from time to time. If a celebrity is the reason for the documentary, however, I tend to skip past. I’m so glad I didn’t this time.

This review is the reason I watched Demi Lovato’s documentary on YouTube. When I watched it, my sole focus was on the screen. I felt the sense of proudness, for Demi to share her story. How she overcame and still struggles every day.

Addiction, depression, anxiety and any other form of mental health isn’t something to joke about. It needs a voice. To watch, how someone of a similar age to me, although one in the spotlight, can still follow her dreams, be open and honest about what she has been and is going through. Is taking a look at mental health in the right direction.

Go check out Rachel post over on Strong Mind, Strong Body. Just click below. Go check out Demi Lovato documentary. Just go onto YouTube.

Strong Mind, Strong Body


I’ve never been a Demi Lovato fan. I’ve never had an interest and her music never really did anything for me. However, I’ve paid some attention to her struggles and honesty over the last few years. When I started to hear about her YouTube Documentary I knew I wanted to set time aside and check it out. I must admit I was surprised with her story. I had no idea how bad her drug use was and how young she was when it started. Yes, she abused drugs and alcohol, but she also dealt with depression and everything that comes along with it.

She starts the documentary off with a great quote. She said, “The key to being happy is to tell your truth and be okay without all the answers.” This hit me hard and is a big part of why I started this blog. I need to tell…

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I Asked!

One of the things I’m not happy with in my life is the instability of my job. I seem to work a lot of hours a week without much of a return. Don’t get me wrong; I love caring for people. I need to do so in a stable, permanent, fixed hour position.

I would look for another job. I even have one in mind. One thing is stopping me. My NVQ. My current employer kindly paid for my NVQ. Meaning I had to sign a contract to say I would repay it back if I left before, 3 months after it was completed. After this time, I don’t have to pay them back.

I’m about halfway through my NVQ. I feel it is going slow. One: I haven’t done a lot to say I’ve got a qualification at the end of it. Two: I wish it was over. I’ve been wishing it would hurry up and end. Not good really with my fear of time.

This wishing isn’t gonna help me. Plus, wishing isn’t gonna get it done. I’m due to meet with my assessor on Friday. I’ve already sent an email asking if there was any way I could complete my NVQ sooner. I got a reply saying we’ll discuss on Friday.

I don’t know what my options are yet. I’ll have to wait until then. But instead of wishing, I took the risk and asked.