Career, Life, Writing

What do you want out of your job?

Always good to be back at work.

Can you tell sarcasm in writing?

I’m not the best judge at the best of times.

When the phone rings I get a sense of dread. Don’t get me wrong, I love the helping people part, its the office part of work I’m not feeling good about.

I’m wanting stability, flexibility would be nice but what am I wanting out of my job? I don’t wanna dread having to pick up the phone. I’m not 100% sure exactly what I want from my dream job.

Being permanent is a must. Also having a set number of hours. No more o hour contracts. I want to be in a company that values, is honest, shows respect and has good communication.

Is that asking too much?

I don’t want one that believes its ok to guilt trip staff into things.

Other things that I’d like… I’m gonna have to think about before I consider writing them down. I currently have no clue.

Career, Goals, Life

Self-Awareness

The past couple of weeks I’ve been completing a course on FutureLearn; The Self-Awareness Coach. I thought it would be some CPD (continued professional development) to help me with training to become my dream of being a life coach.

Coming to the end, it’s been more personal development with my own inner self-awareness. On this front, I believe I can save my money on upgrading. Being more self-aware has that sense of freedom.

The tutors asked questions that I haven’t considered before and has got me thinking. I was being honest with myself and the other students could see that as well.

It may not be a professional qualification to help me but it has helped me. In the future having a self-awareness could help me when I do become a life coach.


Watched: Atlantis 2: Milo’s Return > 3 out of 5

Career, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Being Happy in my Job

You’ve probably read I’m a community carer if you’ve read my previous posts. Last August I was given the opportunity to do extra for the company within the office. Since starting this part of my role, I’ve felt a bit mixed.

There was never a new contract, just a verbal agreement about what I would be doing. Many times since, I’ve felt more of a negative vibe from the office side of things. More due to the fact that they’ve requested more of me and expect me to do things beyond the agreement.

Some of the things I’ve been happy to do, whereas others I haven’t been able to say no. For times I’ve said no and done what’s best for me, I haven’t felt the respect.

I love my carer side of my job. The job I’m contracted for. I’m good at it. That’s the place I wanna be. I feel positive out in the field. Due to this, I have given my notice to the office side of my role.

I want to be doing what I love.

Career, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Work Effecting Mood

I’m day 2 of my 7 day work week. I’m already tired, dreaming of my NVQ to finish so I can change jobs. Even though I’ve still got a couple of months left to wait for that. I am grateful, due to how my annual leave has fallen, that I now get 5 weekends off in a row.

I’m also proud of myself for saying no to a call I was asked to add to my already packed day. If I had said yes, I wouldn’t have been able to have my 1/2 hour break at my grandparents to have my dinner.

I’m grateful for my grandparents for allowing me to pop in between calls, otherwise, I’d be eating out of a lunchbox, in a layby, in the dark. At this time of year, I don’t feel comfortable with that. Being at my grandparents meant I could have a proper meal and a hot one.

A good nights sleep will hopefully get me into a more positive mood again.

Anxiety, Career, Depression, Life, Mental Health, Writing

One of my Paths so Far

Next week will be my last therapy session. These 5 weeks have flown by. No doubt the next week will do the same. I’m glad I’ve attended the sessions. It’s given me the awareness that having a conversation does help.

Neither I or the counsellor went into the room with an agenda. Conversation flowed, obviously the topic was me.

In tonight’s session, we got onto me finding a sense of purpose and satisfaction in my job, the nature of my job anyway. That it’s my first time feeling like this is what I wanna do with my life. We spoke about why I didn’t feel this way about my other jobs or career routes.

Growing up, like any other kid I imagine has: I wanna be…. when I get older. I believe mine were: dancer or a vet. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was good at ICT, so I went down that route. I got into my third month at university, I withdrew myself. I was bored.

I’ve always had a love for animals, so I started volunteering around paid work. After a while, I decided I’d like to work with animals. I applied for an Animal Management and Welfare degree. I got in.

Got working at kennels, volunteered when I could. Past first year. Did my placement year, all still while working. Around this time my mental health declined. The first time I was affected. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t understand myself. Saw doctors, had telephone counselling, getting towards my final year at university.

I was beginning to get excited again. I also was having this unsettling feeling I couldn’t explain. I just ignored it and carried on. At Christmas, in my final year, I withdrew myself. I left with a Higher Certificate of Education in the degree topic and experience, working with different kinds of animals.

I just wanted to work and get my mental health back. Still working at the kennels. Still had unsettled days. A point came where I believed I needed to take the next step in my career. I got a job within a veterinary practice as a Trainee Veterinary Nurse.

I was nervous. Always. I was terrified. I was emotional. I couldn’t stay in a couple of surgeries. I had to walk out, have a sit-down. Otherwise, they’d have to clean me off the floor too.

That unsettled feeling was telling me that this isn’t it. This isn’t what I should be doing. I felt a failure. I love animals. I wanna make a difference to them. A part of me felt that if I carried on I’d lose that love for them I’ve had my whole life.

I basically took the first thing I could find job wise and ran. Into pretty much a job that wasn’t a job.

It’s been a year and nearly a half since then. I’ve been beating myself up about it periodically since. Everyone plus myself knew the animal path was for me. That was where I was supposed to be.

I’m sure if I knew now, then, I wouldn’t have beaten myself up about it. I would have been able to tell my loved ones how I felt.

Talking about this in today’s session got me to realise I’m in the right place now. Helping people is what I wanna do. Make a difference to others. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my love for animals. Far from it. I still love animals. I still volunteer at the same place I started out at after my first university withdrawal.

I get to help and be around animals on my terms.

Having this conversation has led me to the path of forgiving myself. That I didn’t run away at that point in my life. I just wasn’t on the right path.


Watched: Atlantis: The Lost Empire > 3 out of 5

Career, Learning, Life

NVQ Drawing to the End?

After 4 hours spend with my NVQ assessor, I’ve done 14% more with a total of 75% complete. 2 more set meetings, which she says I may finish in February rather then March/April time when I first asked if I could finish any earlier.

I’m so glad it’s been moved up a month. It’s given me that light at the end of the tunnel feeling. That early next year I can potentially look for another job and tick completion of my NVQ off my goal list.

Anxiety, Career, Mental Health, Writing

I Asked!

One of the things I’m not happy with in my life is the instability of my job. I seem to work a lot of hours a week without much of a return. Don’t get me wrong; I love caring for people. I need to do so in a stable, permanent, fixed hour position.

I would look for another job. I even have one in mind. One thing is stopping me. My NVQ. My current employer kindly paid for my NVQ. Meaning I had to sign a contract to say I would repay it back if I left before, 3 months after it was completed. After this time, I don’t have to pay them back.

I’m about halfway through my NVQ. I feel it is going slow. One: I haven’t done a lot to say I’ve got a qualification at the end of it. Two: I wish it was over. I’ve been wishing it would hurry up and end. Not good really with my fear of time.

This wishing isn’t gonna help me. Plus, wishing isn’t gonna get it done. I’m due to meet with my assessor on Friday. I’ve already sent an email asking if there was any way I could complete my NVQ sooner. I got a reply saying we’ll discuss on Friday.

I don’t know what my options are yet. I’ll have to wait until then. But instead of wishing, I took the risk and asked.