I’m in a Funk

I think I’m in a funk. Not sure how else to describe it. My parents say I’m fed up. I feel like I’m retreating a bit when it’s coming to my mood and mind. I’ve been having anxious dreams the last couple of nights.

I don’t have that burst of energy or positivity keeping me going right now. I’ve tried to still go about my day. I did some yoga, BSL and blog update. I’ve also been working throughout the day. I got to a point I couldn’t do any more goals today.

Instead, I watched some The Librarians; I’m now on Season 3. Again I’m hoping a good night sleep will do me good.

Focusing on the Positive. Expelling the Negative

With help from Dave and one of the coach course admins, I’ve figured out my Facebook dilemma. I’ve set up a new account just for the course group with a change of name, which they gave advice on.

Another good thing today is I passed my second go at my Unit 4 of my CBT course. Two good things have happened today.

O wait, I’ve just thought of a third.

My trip to the garage ended with a tire puncture repair rather than a whole new tire. I’m glad about that.

I’m grateful for these three things which I’m trying to put to the front of my mind, rather than the two not so grateful information I’ve had today. To keep things positive I should just stop there and focus on the positive only.

For me to stay in the positive, I need to express my negative too. To enable me to process and let go of bad energy.

  1. Not feeling well

I woke up in the night not well. I’ve not felt 100% the past few days but have just carried on as normal. If I were to put it as a percentage I’d say I’m 25% not well. Due to a concern I had, I asked for a call back from the doctor.

At the end of our conversation, it became clear that I shouldn’t be working due to the nature of my job. On the advice of my doctor, I rung in sick. My boss wasn’t happy but I don’t wanna risk customer lives anymore then I may already have.

I’m 50/50 on this decision, (I’ve just thought of the TV show 50/50 then).

50% glad because I’m not putting anyone at unnecessary risk. I can put my all into the courses I’m doing. I get a lie in.

50% dread/anxious that I’ve let work down. I have that guilty feeling that I’m ill and taking the time off I need to get better. I have 2 days where I’m losing out on pay.

2. Unsettling News

The news is about our moving status. Good news the house is sold. Kick in the teeth news, I may feel unsettled more due to the fact of how it was said to me, “Ready to be homeless for 6 months?” Unsettling right?

It got me down, where I’m gonna have to live for possibly 6 months?

How I was told this information brings my mind to how best to have those big conversations. Time, thought and a plan are things I’m learning in Sarah Rozenthuler book “Life Changing Conversations”.

On that note, I may just read some more. While focusing on the positives of today. Thank you for reading <3.


Fitness Tracker

Being healthy is something I want to be an ongoing Big Dream Goal. With my Christmas vouchers, I bought a VeryFit Smart Band. A fitness tracker. It’s just arrived. As I don’t always walk around with my phone, I’ll be able to see if I get close to my 10,000 steps per day target.

The other thing it does is a sleep tracker. I will hopefully see if I have deep, shallow or walking sleep. There’s an app for the smartphone that links up to record the data stored for up to 7 days on the band itself.

A bonus it shows me when I get a text message and a phone call too. I may not check my phone as much for notifications.

A fitness tracker may not achieve my Big Dream Goal but it can be a step to see what I’m doing. May spur me on a bit more.

Sleep Pattern Changes

Tiredness has taken over. Tiredness is the reason I didn’t end up writing last night. I’m still feeling it now. It’s strange I didn’t use to have tiredness effect me this much.

There was a time where I woke at first light. I got up out of bed no problem. I had to have a quiet and dark surroundings. I couldn’t sleep with lights, telly, radio or people around me.

If the telly was too loud downstairs, I had to go ask for it to be turned down. I found it hard to sleep in a bed that wasn’t mine. Whether having a sleepover or away on holiday.

It’s like my mind has flipped a switch.

Most of the time when going to bed, I still need quite and darkness but that isn’t necessarily the case. I fall asleep during films, in the middle of the day. Sat on the sofa having conversations. Lights and noise have reduced keeping me up.

Having a lie in wasn’t a thing for me especially in the summer months. As soon as the sun rose I was awake. 8 am was the latest I was laying in to. Now it could be 11 am before I get out of bed.

When you hear your mum say “That’s not like you”. You know something has changed.

Through the tiredness, I’ve still had a good couple of days. Volunteering, seeing family and friends and seeing the Christmas Panto: Alladin.

Body Fights Back

I feel my body is fighting me. My legs haven’t stopped twitching since August. My tiredness hasn’t improved. My hip and lower back are intermittently aching. I find it hard to get comfy.

I’ve started to link my stomach aches and unusual bowel movements to times when I have milk or chocolate. Can you become lactose intolerant part way through life?

I booked an appointment to see my doctor to discuss it all. Just have to wait a couple of weeks. I’m gonna check for cancellations regular now I’m signed up for the online system.

Cooking Day

Cooking has been my theme for the day. I really enjoyed it and learnt new things. My first spell in the kitchen was with my mum baking. I made buns, a cake and mince pies.

I’d never made mince pies before. It was interesting to learn. I myself don’t like them but Dave does. So it’ll be nice to make them for him in the future.

My next spell in the kitchen was making a Pork and Apple one pot. It was gorgeous. The flavours were amazing. I really enjoyed cooking from scratch. It does take me longer to make then the times stated in the cook books. Dave helped to prep. It was nice to spend the time together.

Our friends left happy, which was great. See what we come out with tomorrow.

Me Time

My energy has been down today. I pushed through. I did most of the things I had set out to do. Which is positive. But I’m not slowing down or having proper “me time”. There’s no fun when I’m on my own. It’s not helping towards my goal of exquisite self-care.

I’ve decided on Thursday evening I’ve blocked out “me time” on my calendar. I need to stick to it. It’s something I need to do regularly. I have to stand my ground to myself and to others. I’m gonna make it a ground rule.

Scedule me time

Hopefully, by doing this, I’ll get into exquisite self-care and give my mind a break, and get my energy back.