A Goal of No Chocolate

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

It’s always good to spend time with my dad and step mum. I didn’t feel guilty about having a whole afternoon/evening watching telly.

My dad is uncomfortable going far for long. He finds it easier to stay in. As he had already been out that day. Telly it was. The main feeling I had today was a sudden onset of tiredness.

One moment I was perfectly fine. Then, the next, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’m blaming the 2/3 of chocolate share bag I had.

A part of me thinks that’s crazy. But the other thinks what else could it be?

I’ve had plenty of lay ins this week. Not busy at all. There shouldn’t be a reason for me to feel that tired, that quickly. Three more weeks until my doctors’ appointment.

I said to my other half: “I’m not gonna have chocolate”.

Not the first time I’ve said that. May not be the last. Won’t feel any different if I don’t try.

Goal: No Chocolate

On another note:

I went to the sexual health clinic today. As I’ve had a swab towards the beginning of this year which was normal. There wasn’t a lot the nurse could do for me. She did take a blood sample to rule out HIV and another, that has slipped my mind.

So, she’s booked me into a walk in clinic, in three weeks time, to see a doctor. May not help. But it might do. Will see what they say.

Always a waiting game.

“It’s Life, you’ll get over it”

Why do I feel more awake now then I do any other time of day. It’s coming up to bedtime. An early morning beckons and no matter the time, early or late, I go to bed, I don’t want to get up in a morning.

I remember a time when I woke first thing without my alarm clock even going off yet.

“Life I suppose”.

A doctor said that to me before. My blood result had come back normal. He told me it was life, you’ll get over it!

So glad I wasn’t suicidal.

Thinking of what the doctor said to me, now just makes me angry. Saying that to someone, who another doctor, not long after, put me on anti-depressants and referred me to a counsellor.

Clearly not due to the other doctor. But because of life!

But because of life!

I got through that stage in my life. But life keeps coming – kicking me in the arse.

In just over a week I will be back at a therapist. This time in a group setting. So far not on anti-depressants. Hopefully, it helps me cope some how.

Writing I’ve found to help. I was never good at writing when at school. Sometimes even now, I’m not great. But I’m writing for me. I’m enjoying it. I’m sharing it.

Update on my job opportunity: now rearranged for 3:15 pm tomorrow. Let’s see what this brings.

A Little Disappointed

My meeting with my manager was supposed to be at 9 am this morning. But I had a phone call to say she couldn’t make it into the office. Unfortunately, now I don’t know what’s happening with the job opportunity. I’m having to wait till she’s back in the office to rearrange.

I’m not big on waiting.

I’ve had to wait twelve days to get a response from my NVQ assessor about my next meeting. Now we’ve had a reply, I can organise the meeting itself. I’ve waited four weeks so far for the day itself. Two weeks to go.

I’ve also had my blood test this morning. Seeing if my Vitamin D levels have risen at all. I’ve been on supplements for seven weeks now. I don’t feel any different to the reason why I went to the doctors in the first place.