Glutton for Punishment

That’s the person I am. I take on more things at the wrong times. Spending money and trying to create more time then what’s available to me. No wonder I feel tired, stressed and overloaded.

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I put extra things on myself before I’ve finished the other courses, goals or work. My body has decided to take on a cold as well. Prioritise relaxation and Me Time!! That’s what I need to do.

Is there something you need to prioritise?

End of a Lovely Break

What a lovely week off. It’s been nice to get away from work. I’ve been taking a break from my goals. No chocolate is the only one really done for some of it.

Seeing family and friends. Having trips out with Dave has been lovely. We’ve made homemade meals and spent the majority of the time together.

Seeing as we don’t live together yet. I had to come home tonight. It was sad leaving him. Going back to 5-7 days where we won’t see each other. I found it hard to leave. I’ve felt loneliness even since I got in the car. The thought of going back to work tomorrow is slightly sickening.

Once I’m back into it I’ll get used to it again. These 9 days together have been amazing. It’s made me know that I definitely want to move in with him. Save. Save. Save. The only way it’s gonna happen.

Sleep Pattern Changes

Tiredness has taken over. Tiredness is the reason I didn’t end up writing last night. I’m still feeling it now. It’s strange I didn’t use to have tiredness effect me this much.

There was a time where I woke at first light. I got up out of bed no problem. I had to have a quiet and dark surroundings. I couldn’t sleep with lights, telly, radio or people around me.

If the telly was too loud downstairs, I had to go ask for it to be turned down. I found it hard to sleep in a bed that wasn’t mine. Whether having a sleepover or away on holiday.

It’s like my mind has flipped a switch.

Most of the time when going to bed, I still need quite and darkness but that isn’t necessarily the case. I fall asleep during films, in the middle of the day. Sat on the sofa having conversations. Lights and noise have reduced keeping me up.

Having a lie in wasn’t a thing for me especially in the summer months. As soon as the sun rose I was awake. 8 am was the latest I was laying in to. Now it could be 11 am before I get out of bed.

When you hear your mum say “That’s not like you”. You know something has changed.

Through the tiredness, I’ve still had a good couple of days. Volunteering, seeing family and friends and seeing the Christmas Panto: Alladin.

Body Fights Back

I feel my body is fighting me. My legs haven’t stopped twitching since August. My tiredness hasn’t improved. My hip and lower back are intermittently aching. I find it hard to get comfy.

I’ve started to link my stomach aches and unusual bowel movements to times when I have milk or chocolate. Can you become lactose intolerant part way through life?

I booked an appointment to see my doctor to discuss it all. Just have to wait a couple of weeks. I’m gonna check for cancellations regular now I’m signed up for the online system.

Week Off Goes Quick

Time is going quickly. We’re on day 5 of our week off. Half way through and relaxing is hard on annual leave. When we’re trying to relax I get antsy. I can’t sit still. I keep checking my phone or an app even though I’ve no need to.

I don’t feel as stressed. I have calmed down. I’ve put my work and goals to one side to do what we want to do. My fear of time is coming back to haunt me. My mind won’t rest.

My patience is getting worse. So is my spending. I’ve even had chocolate the past 4 days. I feel that is affecting me. Tiredness in full swing.

I’ve 4 days left before I go back to work. I want to enjoy myself. Stop haunting me time.

NVQ Drawing to the End?

After 4 hours spend with my NVQ assessor, I’ve done 14% more with a total of 75% complete. 2 more set meetings, which she says I may finish in February rather then March/April time when I first asked if I could finish any earlier.

I’m so glad it’s been moved up a month. It’s given me that light at the end of the tunnel feeling. That early next year I can potentially look for another job and tick completion of my NVQ off my goal list.

Happy Anniversary

3 years together. It seems longer but at the same time I can’t it’s been this long. If you’ve been with me from the start, you may know I was having loss of connections in my life. Including with Dave.

Our connection being a major part of how I was seeing our relationship. Communication and honesty has been a great thing in my life and our relationship. We’re stronger and I open up about everything with him.

I believe he’s started to open up with me as well. There are times when I feel he’s holding something back. It maybe just me being paranoid. He hasn’t been one to express emotion in the past so anything is great for him.

We’ve had a lovely anniversary. We’ve been doggie sitting so we walked them, got muddy and had to bath them. We spent time in front of the telly. Been watching my guilty pleasure, I’m a celebrity.

We then watched a James Bond film. A confession: before this year I had only watched Daniel Craig 007. Well, 2017 has brought them to me. Today, we watched number 11: Moonraker. I’m getting half way through.

I feel this needs to be on my goal list. To watch all Bond films. I’m sure there are many other films I haven’t watched before either.

Are there any films you think I should watch? Old or new?

If I haven’t see it I’ll put it on my goal list.


Anyway, back to the post. I couldn’t be without Dave. He’s such a chilled, kind, amazing guy. He’s supportive and would try to do anything for me. I love him. Bring on another year together đŸ˜˜