Glutton for Punishment

That’s the person I am. I take on more things at the wrong times. Spending money and trying to create more time then what’s available to me. No wonder I feel tired, stressed and overloaded.

CBT.jpg

I put extra things on myself before I’ve finished the other courses, goals or work. My body has decided to take on a cold as well. Prioritise relaxation and Me Time!! That’s what I need to do.

Is there something you need to prioritise?

End of a Lovely Break

What a lovely week off. It’s been nice to get away from work. I’ve been taking a break from my goals. No chocolate is the only one really done for some of it.

Seeing family and friends. Having trips out with Dave has been lovely. We’ve made homemade meals and spent the majority of the time together.

Seeing as we don’t live together yet. I had to come home tonight. It was sad leaving him. Going back to 5-7 days where we won’t see each other. I found it hard to leave. I’ve felt loneliness even since I got in the car. The thought of going back to work tomorrow is slightly sickening.

Once I’m back into it I’ll get used to it again. These 9 days together have been amazing. It’s made me know that I definitely want to move in with him. Save. Save. Save. The only way it’s gonna happen.

Sleep Pattern Changes

Tiredness has taken over. Tiredness is the reason I didn’t end up writing last night. I’m still feeling it now. It’s strange I didn’t use to have tiredness effect me this much.

There was a time where I woke at first light. I got up out of bed no problem. I had to have a quiet and dark surroundings. I couldn’t sleep with lights, telly, radio or people around me.

If the telly was too loud downstairs, I had to go ask for it to be turned down. I found it hard to sleep in a bed that wasn’t mine. Whether having a sleepover or away on holiday.

It’s like my mind has flipped a switch.

Most of the time when going to bed, I still need quite and darkness but that isn’t necessarily the case. I fall asleep during films, in the middle of the day. Sat on the sofa having conversations. Lights and noise have reduced keeping me up.

Having a lie in wasn’t a thing for me especially in the summer months. As soon as the sun rose I was awake. 8 am was the latest I was laying in to. Now it could be 11 am before I get out of bed.

When you hear your mum say “That’s not like you”. You know something has changed.

Through the tiredness, I’ve still had a good couple of days. Volunteering, seeing family and friends and seeing the Christmas Panto: Alladin.

Body Fights Back

I feel my body is fighting me. My legs haven’t stopped twitching since August. My tiredness hasn’t improved. My hip and lower back are intermittently aching. I find it hard to get comfy.

I’ve started to link my stomach aches and unusual bowel movements to times when I have milk or chocolate. Can you become lactose intolerant part way through life?

I booked an appointment to see my doctor to discuss it all. Just have to wait a couple of weeks. I’m gonna check for cancellations regular now I’m signed up for the online system.

Week Off Goes Quick

Time is going quickly. We’re on day 5 of our week off. Half way through and relaxing is hard on annual leave. When we’re trying to relax I get antsy. I can’t sit still. I keep checking my phone or an app even though I’ve no need to.

I don’t feel as stressed. I have calmed down. I’ve put my work and goals to one side to do what we want to do. My fear of time is coming back to haunt me. My mind won’t rest.

My patience is getting worse. So is my spending. I’ve even had chocolate the past 4 days. I feel that is affecting me. Tiredness in full swing.

I’ve 4 days left before I go back to work. I want to enjoy myself. Stop haunting me time.

2 am Hour

It’s currently 2:19 am. I’m laid here in the dark, screen brightness low to prevent Dave waking. This time last night I was finally able to get to sleep. Now, I’m wide awake.

Since having this cold I haven’t been able to sleep properly. I wish I knew why. I am hoping writing this out will help me process or at least take-up some time. May make me tired.

My 1st December went ok. Wrapped up some presents. Put out my new Christmas decorations in my room. Usually I would insert a picture of these here. But seeing as it’s 2:31am I will wait for another time to show you.

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it previously but I feel more of a family connection now then I did on Christmases growing up.

To me Christmas is about family. Spending time together. Enjoying each others company. I have an idea in my head of how I’d like Christmas to be for our kids when we decide to have them.

We also put up a scratch the world poster quite clearly of the world. I want to use this as our travel map. Where we’ve been we can scratch off to show our travels. Dave and I have been to Isle of Wight, Lake Windermere and Barcelona together.

It will be difficult to scratch off those off to begin with. I’ve decided seeing as I’ve currently got the map in a frame that I’ll use the frame to mark where we’ve been until we can scratch a good section off.

Think it’s the perfectionist in me. I don’t want to ruin it. This travel map, I’m hoping to help with my dream of traveling the world. Unless I start playing the lottery in order to win it, we’ll be saving to have holidays away every so often as our traveling.

2018 is already starting to become a busy year. Which means expensive. But experiences to look forward to. Not all are set in stone. Most so far are in the talking stage. But I hope they do become so.

I wanna stop saying let’s do this or we should book that and it not happen. Well, it’s now 2:51 I’m gonna see if I’m able to get some sleep now.

Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing. I hope your enjoying yourself.

Monthly Review: November 2017

8:28am, 1st December. Real time post

I’m finding it hard to sum up my month of November. I spent my last day not very well. A simple cold made me pale on Wednesday night. Turned into me fainting on the kitchen floor yesterday morning. Spending the rest of the day in bed.

Sleep wasn’t my friend until 2am. I believe the caffeine in the cold and flu tablets kept me awake. I don’t drink tea or coffee so my body isn’t used to it. I did spend an hour reading though.

It’s been a couple of years since I last called in sick. It hasn’t been the best end to the month. My fainting spell caused the loss of my longest standing mug, bugs bunny “what’s up doc” is no more.

What have I achieved in November?

For a month where I’ve felt like I’ve overloaded myself, I haven’t crossed anything off my goal list. Maybe that’s why I’ve been ill. Doing too much. But I have done things towards my goals. Let’s see what my calendar shows:

  • Me Time = 5
  • Bath = 1
  • Overcoming = 3
  • Relaxation = 1
  • No Telly Days = 6
  • No Chocolate = 18
  • Breathing Techniques = 4
  • MHFA = 1
  • BSL = 2
  • CBT = 1

18 days with no chocolate. I think that’s good going.

This month felt like it went very quick for me. Did it for you? Only 1 month left of 2017. Christmas soon be here.

Life’s going quickly. Make the most of it. I know I need to. How was your November?