Understanding My Inner Critic

I’m always hard on myself. I doubt myself. I criticise myself. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I need to learn how to change this. Andrea Own has done a guide and questions on your inner critic. These are my own response to her Questions.

  1. Know your inner critic intimately. 

Q: What areas in your life are you the hardest on yourself?

Body/appearance. Future. Finance.

Q: What does your inner critic specifically say to you?

“Your not good enough”. “You won’t get to where you want to go”. “Your don’t have the confidence or drive to get there”. “What’s the point?” “Your too skinny / boney”. “Your never gonna put on weight”. “No one is gonna want to see your body. Especially not Dave”. “Why wear that?” “Your never gonna own your own home”. “Your spending too much”.

2. Uncover hidden beliefs inside our shit-talker. 

Q: What are the things that you can pull out of the statements that you have come to believe about yourself?

“I’m not deserving / smart enough for success”. “I’m never gonna own my own home”. “I don’t deserve to be comfortable in my own skin”. “I don’t know how to do this”. “I can’t do this”.

3. Challenge those beliefs

Q: What if the beliefs weren’t true?

I do deserve success. I work hard to get to where I wanna go. If there is something I find I can’t do, I figure out how. I will own my own home. We are saving where we can. I spend more when I’m anxious. I need to process and I’ll be able to cut down. Everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own skin. I’m doing everything right to get the weight on.

Q: If these beliefs weren’t true, how would I show up differently in my life?

I would have confidence in what I do. I would follow my path, conquer all obstacles in my way. Ask for help when I need it. I’d continue to better myself on my terms. Being honest to all as well as myself. I’d wear what the hell I like.

Q: If these beliefs weren’t true, what decisions would I make?

I would be more mindful with my actions and thoughts. Conscious of my intentions with both people and food. I would make decisions that feel right for me. I would move jobs now. I would travel the world. I would go to a mortgage adviser.


These questions I would never have thought to ask myself. I believed once you had an inner critic that’s it. They’re with you for life. Which they are. You have to understand and know the way to be able to be the boss rather then the critic take over.

The I woulds and the inner critic needs work. I need to start implementing the I woulds into my life.

Do you understand your inner critic?

One Project at a Time

As part of The Holiday Council 2016, I was able to access the Insiders section to the year. I may have had it for 11 months but I’ve only just started to listen to them. I finished the 2011 guest interviews. One of which was with Ev’Yan who focuses on sex and sexuality.

Seeing as my relationship with sex isn’t good. It scares me since I started getting pain during. The thought of trying again causes me to panic, have a sense of dread. It’s been a couple of months since we last had sex.

Finding Ev’Yan through The Holiday Council has been great timing. I feel like if I listened to this guest interview at the beginning of the year I wouldn’t have connected as much to it as I do now.

Looking at her blog, she is being honest about everything. She even does an e-course to help others find themselves to enjoy sex. It’s something I’m considering.

This course and The Courage Life Program are two I’d like to do. But I will have to wait until 2018. November/December brings a new year of The Holiday Council.

I’m trying to focus on one project at a time. As I struggle to focus on one thing at a time, never mind big projects. I think I’m gonna add a new ground rule. To try and build the habit. I have 4 ground rules now.

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Do you have any personal ground rules?

My Shift Plan

Through the Courage Council. I learnt about Kate Swoboda. She’s another life coach who focuses on courage as a habit. I found her free resource, The Shift Plan, helpful.

I knew there were things in my life I wanted to shift. This plan helped me to see others by breaking life up into sections. Here I want to share with you My Shift Plan. That, in one year’s time, we can see the shifts that I’ve made.

Personal Growth/Fulfilment/How I feel about me

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

I’d like to be more easeful, patient and gentler with myself and the things within my life. I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself. To be proud, have a sense of fulfilment and all-around happiness. Work towards my goals and being me.

Most Important:

I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself.

Intimate and Romantic Relationships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure. Be patient with my partner limitations. Love unconditionally. Make my requests heard.

Most Important:

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure.

Personal Relationships / Friendships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to where my relationships with others are/feel…

Cherished. Speaking up for what’s right. Saying no to uncomfortable requests. Being committed to all. Keep the promises I make. Not make promises I know I cannot keep.

Most Important:

Saying no to uncomfortable requests

Career / Work in the World

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have stability and love for my job at the same time. Have a balance between work and life. To help others while still being true to myself.

Most Important:

Have stability and love for my job at the same time.

Money / Abundance

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have control over money. Budget, plan and be at ease with my income. I’d like to use the money to treat us to holidays and trips out. Allow money to help me be more me.

Most Important:

Be at ease with my income.


I would love to do Kate’s Courageous Life Program. Unfortunately, it’s not gonna be able to fit in the budget for a while. Anything, I can learn and complete in the meantime, like The Shift Plan, I’m gonna do.

 

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New Goals

 

An Act of Courage

I worked on my courage today. It was one of my actions I needed to do for week 1. There are usually things I see in my head of which I can do with all the confidence in the world.

But actually doing them is a different story. Most things I struggle to do on my own. When I actually do whatever it is, it builds my confidence up. Slowly, but it’s up.

One of my confidence builders is: go against my brain/thoughts to complete something.

Today, I went to the cinema by myself. I love going to the cinema. Usually, I’m with my other half or friends. I’ve seen others go by themselves. I always think how brave they are.

A part of me thought “yep, I can do that.”

Going by myself today was my act of courage. I thought “I can do this!” I pre-booked my seat so I didn’t have to queue. One step at a time. 

When I was due to go my chest became painful. I was breathing heavy. I had to go to their bathroom before I went into the screen to use my inhaler. To calm down.

In the end I did it. I sat through the film and enjoyed it. Recommend Girls Trip. I had in my head that people were judging me.

The more I do things, my courage and confidence will grow. I’ll get out of that mindset.

Have you ever been to the cinema by yourself? How’d you feel?

Monthly and Q3 Review: September 2017

The review is slightly different this month as it’s the end of a quarter. I believe I’m getting better at answering questions about myself and how things have gone.

Quarter 3:

I’m starting to be the woman I want to be. I’m starting to get physically and mentally healthy. I’m starting to be honest with all and standing up for myself and who I want to be.

I’ve still a long way to go.

I’ve had some good memories with my mental and physical health goals this quarter.

  • Started walking the dogs again
  • Liking the feeling after completing yoga
  • Getting the courage to ask for help when I’ve needed it

I did find my lack of motivation challenging as well as getting the courage to speak up. I found it difficult accepting I needed to go back onto anti-depressants.

I honoured my theme of the year: Cherish and my ways of being this quarter, meaningful, healthy, at ease, connected, listening. Not just on my mental and physical health goals but in general and with my other goals too. You can now see my Goal List from the menu option. 

September:

Has been a mixture of ups and downs. The hardest being my Grandma C passing away. The other downs:

  • Not going to a friends birthday celebration due to having a bad day
  • Having bad days that meant I didn’t get out of bed
  • The stress of work leading up to and around the time of my Grandma passing

The Ups:

  • I’ve spent more time with my family and friends. Cherishing the time I have with them
  • Family and friends being there to support me
  • Getting a little further with my NVQ
  • Working on The Courage Council and doing the work
  • My self-care afternoon

I’ve now started doing a “blackboard” of tasks; which has been something I’ve come across the past two years of doing The Holiday Council but not doing myself. I’ve had a blackboard for a while and I would love a bigger one. My “blackboard” of tasks is a to-do-list of sorts. It has some of my goals on there as well as things I really need to do/think about.

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Overall:

A mixed month and an on the road to being myself quarter. Here’s to the next; the last of 2017. It’s certainly going quick. My two new goals for Q4 are:

  1. Speaking up
  2. Breathing techniques

I’m going to see how much of my to-do-list I do and if I add any more. As well as working on my goal list.

How was September for you?

Has Q3 treated you well?

What would you love to happen for the final quarter of 2017?

 

Confidence

I started week one of The Courage Council today. The first five-minute task were prompts about believing in yourself. I wrote things down but I struggled to answer.

That realisation of not believing in myself or knowing what I’m proud of about myself. It’s disheartening to me. That positivity and strength, Molly was talking about. I lack within myself.

This needs to change!

The next task to write down the doubts I carry. Well, that wasn’t hard. I even kept going over time.

The doubts need to change to beliefs!

Again I found the same thing during the slices of life task. I was able to fill in my destroy and weakness boxes. The build and strength ones on the other hand only had one or two in or nothing at all.

I may have already started this work but I’ve already noticed something I need to improve upon.


I’ve always struggled with confidence but I thought I had belief in myself. I find simple things hard to do. Just like a moment ago for instance. I needed my neighbour to move her car to enable me to move mine, in order for my stepdad to get his van on the drive once he got home.

I went straight to panic mode. Even asked my mum if she’d do it. I knew the answer was gonna be no. I took a deep breath, put a big jumper on and went round.

My neighbour was lovely with it. Happy to move her car. Said she was even watching out for my stepdad to get home.

I don’t know why but I find speaking up, asking for what I want scary.

Let’s make a goal.

Goal: Do the things that scare me

It’s quite a broad goal but right now a lot of things scare me. I have a fear of baths remember. Big or small. I need to do them.

 

My Vicious Cycle

For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been going to counselling sessions called Positive Steps. I haven’t felt any different by going. Especially lately as I’ve felt I’ve been going backwards. I am to blame because I haven’t been doing the work.

That has changed.

I’ve started going through my booklet. Doing the work. So far I’ve read what stress is, why we get stressed, symptoms, low moods and anxiety.

It makes sense to me. I can relate to it.

I have completed the first task which is the vicious cycle. I’ve focused on mine on generalised stress, mood and anxiety. Life basically. This is the biggest impact to me, I believe. Which then impacts my other areas of life. This is what I want to look at throughout the course.

Where I want to. I’ll share too. I’ve decided I’d like to share my vicious cycle. Here it is:

Vicious CycleThen week one continues by giving quick tips and introduces mindfulness. Which is the separate online module. The one I started last week. I need to continue that as well.

I need to remember there is only so much I can do at once. I’m on a high and have the motivation to get things done. I don’t wanna jeopardise my healing progress. Is healing process the best way to put it? I dunno. I’ll leave it to you to think of your version.

As I’ve done session one. I’m gonna stop and so some another day. I had my mindfulness module and my courage council work up. That’s gonna be too much. I’m already feeling tired. I’ve been working all day. I think it’s time to relax and switch off for a bit before bed.

I’ve decided to put some music on, do some of my jigsaw puzzle and possibly read before bed. Meaning today would be a none telly day. Woo!