External Validation

Can I truly be myself if I keep looking for external validation?

I can’t control other people’s thoughts. I can’t control outcomes. I won’t experience success or failure until it’s upon me. There are some things that are beyond my control.

Why try to manipulate my brain power, if I can’t control what I can’t control?

Surely, I’ll get tired faster, leading towards failure.

If I try to control, how am I being present in the now?

Other people’s thoughts are their own. Thoughts are just thoughts. They come and go. Other people’s perspectives are different to my own. We may look at the same piece of art and see and feel different things. We may watch the same film, at the same time, in the same screen. You may have an insight. I may not. It was just an alright film to me.

How can I become attached to other people’s expectations, reactions or values when they’re not mine?

To be myself and to act in accordance with my values; I need to release other people’s validations. I am the one that is happy doing what I love. I’m the one experiencing the emotions, completing the actions. I’m the only one who can be me.

#3 Release others values, expectations and reactions – Molly Mahar

 

Are you being yourself?

Growing up, even still to this day people tell me to be yourself. In my 26 years of life so far, is it the ‘norm’ to know who I am, where I wanna be and what my life is gonna hold?
My mind processed all the information around me. I either see and understand it or I don’t.
I know what my past journey has been like. I’ve had ups and downs. In and out of the doctors, with this or that wrong with me. I’ve gained and lost friends. I’ve lost myself and found myself again. My anxiety, my depression has been ruling me. Anti-depressants within my system.
I’ve backed out. I’ve run away. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve lied. I’ve been kind. I’ve been cruel. I’ve been many more a type of person.
Do I know who I am? Not entirely. I know what I feel, what I think and a path is in view. My past doesn’t define me. Yes, it is my past. It always will be. My past isn’t who I am today.
I can tell you some of my likes, dislikes. My aspirations. The person I want you to see me as. The legacy I wanna leave behind. That’s only a part of me.
My thoughts have been rolling around my head, all my life. Thoughts, I’ve had to deal with. Thoughts that have stopped me doing or saying something. Thoughts that have been positive but have been pushed to one side, hiding in the darkness of the negativity bullying their way forward.
My thoughts are just that: thoughts.
They are balloons floating by. Until one keeps getting bigger, ready to burst, needing my attention. After letting out some air, the balloon is safe to continue, floating, gently over the horizon.
Thoughts are transient. Short-lived. Thoughts come and go. These thoughts have been weathering a storm, bursting for too long.
That gentle flow towards the horizon, the calm, lightening up my days. I’m becoming conscious of myself and the world I’m in. Starting to live for me. Not for others and certainly not for my thoughts.
My mind is open to endless possibilities. Insights.
I can’t tell the future. Tomorrow I’ll be myself and more. Continuing to grow each day. My consciousness emerging in all areas, freeing my mind of thoughts. Allowing me to shine through.

Needed: A New System for Self-Control

The pain hasn’t been as bad today. It’s still there in certain parts of my body but more manageable. Today was my last day working in the office. I spent it training the new Supervisor what/how I was completing my auditing.

I felt like I’ve been doing a job at a higher level. By doing this I’m a community carer training the Supervisor to do the job I’ve been doing for 7-months. That being said I’m now going fully back into my love of care and helping people.


I was able to get my Life Coaching course application in for the distance learning course with Newcastle College yesterday. The college works quick, I got my finance email today. I’ve the potential to start earlier than April from what the tutor said.

I believe I need a new system for my self-control and the ability to say no to myself and not just others.


Watched: The Zookeeper’s Wife > 4 out of 5

Being in the Present

I thought being present in the now would be straightforward. Being in the past and jumping to the future for so long has made it difficult. Even with this challenge I still wanna continue changing my mindset.

I’ve run away from challenges or the difficulties in life. Changing my mindset isn’t a drastic challenge or must of a difficulty in life. But it can change my life!

Lately, when I have been in the present, I’ve got more enjoyment out of life. My thoughts haven’t been in control. Being present is where I wanna be 24/7. No matter how long it takes, I will get there.


Watched: Black Panther > 3.5 out of 5

Sound of the Music

Woo! I’ve got my phone back. I believe the┬ámajority of it’s new. But I have it back. I feel normal again.


I’ve been getting back into listening to music. I used to dance when I was at school. I liked the feel of music playing. There’s┬ámusic I love and music that doesn’t move me. Moving my body to sound makes me feel good.

I’ve had parts of me in the past that’s regretted not continuing with dancing. Getting my love back for the sound and feeling again, I think I’d lose too much of it if I were to pursue it. Just like me and working with animals.

I wanna love to hear and feel the beats. I wanna sing to my heart’s content when no one is listening.

I watched the Brits for the first time tonight. Seeing their passion for their world, makes me understand music is for my enjoyment.

I wanna continue towards my passion to help people. I’m on the path to learning about myself. To be my authentic self.

Slowing Myself Down

I’m feeling more positive about life today. I was a little withdrawn yesterday. It would have been my grandma’s 90th. I didn’t have the words in me. I wanna make her proud. Working on bettering myself one day at a time.

I’ve been trying to organise myself a little less. I always plan what I’m gonna do each day so I don’t get to a point of nothing to do. Although I plan, I get frustrated and stressed because life takes control. I can’t do what I set out to do. I feel like I’m behind.

I’ve tried to stop doing this, I have a goal list and a to-do list. When something pops into my head I write it down to come back to later. Doing the things I feel I’m in the mindset for. When I get to a point I don’t know what to do next. I try to take a moment of not doing anything.

I’m finding it hard but getting a little easier too. I’d like to continue doing this. When I’ve worked on a goal I’ve been noting it in my diary, so I can keep track and tally up at the end of the month.

I wanna accomplish my goals and dreams but I also wanna enjoy life to the fullest too.


Watched: The Adjustment Bureau > 3.5 out of 5

 

Monthly Review: January 2018

I’m a bit in non-belief that January has come to an end already. One month of Joy 2018 done. I feel I’m embracing my theme this year straight of the bat. Cherish, my 2017 theme, took me a few months to get settled in with.

January has given me memories and hurdles to overcome. My biggest, not sure if the word is correct, I wanna say risk of the month is signing up for the Ultimate Coaching Programme with David Key.

Coaching is only a new ambition for me. I am a carer but I’ve never officially coached anyone. I’m feeling good about it though. I’ve told two of my close, trusted friends about my blog. One of whom has said they really like it and my honesty.

I’ve also brought cherish into the New Year. Even though it was my theme for 2017, I still wanna incorporate it into my life. I’ve been spending time with my family and friends. I’ve attended birthday and christening celebrations, family meals, friend get togethers and girly days. Dave and I have put a few days aside for ourselves too.

I even started therapy sessions as well. Mainly a big conversation. Someone I can vent too. Tonight is my 5th session. Soon that’ll be drawing to an end.

January has brought hurdles too but as I’m feeling positive I’ll skip them this month. They’re all hurdles I can find solutions too.

Now the biggy, my goals. I like to set goals, I have many, just take a look at my dream page. You’ll see. I believe my coaching course has helped my own mindset from what I’ve watched so far. I have my list of goals, yeah, but I’ve been more relaxed about completing these.

If I’m honest I feel I’ve done more, than when I was stressing about completing them. This month I’m representing how many days I focused on each in a chart. As you’ll see I’ve focused on a few goals on the same day.

January 2018

I’d like to continue having the positive changes to my mindset and attitude. Plus to help me continue how I’ve been completing my goals.

What I’ve planned in February:

Well, this month I have; an NVQ meeting, I’m volunteering, I’ve got myself down for a blood donation, starting my second tattoo, a family 50th weekend away and my MOT is due.

A packed month before I begin my work and goals on top of that.

See you at the end of February.