Having the day to ourselves, we decided to go out. We had a plan to go to Knaresborough to do the treasure trail we have. With the wind and the sky looking grey we decided to do that on a nicer day.
The weather didn’t stop us going out. We decided to be tourists close to home. We went to The Hepworth Gallery, Wakefield. Free entry. Lovely artwork. I fell in love with one. For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of the artist. It was called ‘The Problem with Humans’.
It made me smile and my eyes light up. We took our time walking around, saw the latest exhibition that ended today.
Before we went, I said that once we’ve been we don’t have to go again. Although that is true. After going today, I’d love to go again.
We’ve noted the dates for the next exhibition Feb-June and are planning to go see it when we’re able. Maybe on a rainy day like today. Despite the weather, we still decided to park in a free car park 20 minutes walk away. One it saved us parking money. Two it got us doing our walk for the day.
One of the things I took from today’s outing is that just because I believe something isn’t for me or I won’t like it, doesn’t mean that’s the case. I thought going to the art gallery wouldn’t be for me at all. But we both enjoyed it and would like to go again.
It’s like that little insight telly me that I shouldn’t judge or have a negativity mindset going into things. Just be in the moment and take what’s around me in at the time.
Watched: The Maze Runner: The Death Curse > 4 out of 5
It’s rare when we get a whole 48 hours together. Dave works every Saturday, me every other weekend. We don’t get a whole weekend together without booking it off. When I am off on a weekend, I’m spending apart of my day figuring out what I wanna do.
There are times I love having the time to myself. Others I feel its an inconvenience.
Our first 48 hours off together in 2018. It’s been a blessing. I’ve felt more relaxed by our relationship and with the whole time together. Each day we had an event to go to. I usually stress over these too.
But I’ve had fun. Even with the adulting as well. Tomorrow is another day of family celebration. Feeling positive about #joy2018.
Watched: Pitch Perfect 3 > 3 out of 5
When I said I spoke to Dave about how I felt the other day. Did I tell you I did it over text? I know, probably not the best way to break news about your relationship feelings. He did ask me if I was annoyed at him via text I didn’t wanna lie.
Still, no excuse not to do it face to face.
On our walk today we or should I say I started to talk about it face to face. It was just us. No phones. Just talking.
Both got to fully understand how I feel. He was able to tell me if he’d like any changes. He just agreed with what I’d already said I needed to work on. I will admit, it’s not just Dave that needs to improve. I need to work on my letting go of control and spending less.
It all takes times. That’s something else I need to work on.
The second decision my other half has made is to start looking for wedding venues etc. This is what I’d like but we can’t afford a mortgage right now. I don’t want to be setting my heart on wedding ideas that may or may not be available for when we are able to afford to get married.
I know I said I was irritated and bored with our relationship and that he needs to get his drive and initiative into gear. I kinda meant on a personal level to help the relationship, not big leaps. I’ll have to see what a conversation face to face will do.
This evening he has been giving ideas on things to do, activities can go do. All well and good. I’m glad he’s making a decision but we still need to drop off Christmas Presents!! And in a few hours, it’s the New Year.
But here’s me writing, moaning about him doing something. He’s not a mind reader. He doesn’t know what I want. He’s had the majority of things done for him. He’s not had to think about certain responsibilities or those little things that need doing.
Certainly going to be working on my letting go of control and no micromanaging for a while relationship wise.
I’ve said something to Dave. Afer my relationship rant a couple of nights ago. Avoidance. I have been open about my feelings. It’s funny he can tell I’m annoyed, irritable or any other word you wanna use over text message but not face to face.
Maybe I’m a good actress after all.
He knows I’m irritable and bored with our relationship. Told him the reasons why I felt this way. He said “Fair enough, I’ll work on that”.
It’s not the first time I’ve said something to him. Back in July, when I was going through a particularly bad patch of anxiety and depression. Before I went on my medication. I spoke to him about not feeling connected etc.
That has improved but because of how I’ve come to feel, that connection has reduced again. I don’t wanna keep going around in circles.
I’ve told a couple of my friends about how I’m feeling. One of which I’m meeting up with for lunch in a couple of days. It’ll be interesting what she has to say face to face. Being able to tell all the details. Well, at least my side of things.
The other half hasn’t been forthcoming about his feelings. Even though, I’ve just received a message about the first sort out of 2018 is gonna be to see if can get a mortgage.
Might be an idea to sort out our relationship first. But hey ho, see what happens.
Worried he loves me more then I love him. Irritable and bored with our relationship. I’m home after spending the day together. We didn’t have a proper conversation. There are times I feel like it’s a parent/child relationship rather than adults.
I thought in the car home that he needs drive and initiative. Kicked up the arse – he needs to step up. Be the guy in the relationship. Make a decision. Do something without me having to prompt him.
Feeling like it’s not gonna last. I know I need to speak to him. But it’s not the first time I’ve had to say something.
Getting comfortable and enjoying sex means I have to be comfortable talking about it. Whether to myself about how I feel or not in regards to my sex life or with other people as a topic.
Sex has come up as a topic between me and a close friend a number of times in the past. A trusted friend. We can tell each other anything without judgement and get advice if it’s needed.
Most of these conversations in the past have caused anxiety to build within me. Pleasure in life, including sexual pleasure, is something I wanna experience unconditionally. When I wanna joy life, I wanna enjoy it in the bedroom too.
Our conversation was slightly different this evening. Mainly I didn’t get that anxiety. I was more curious than anything. I want that curiosity over anxiety going forward.
Mindset switched possibly? The first step to experiencing pleasure?