End of a Lovely Break

What a lovely week off. It’s been nice to get away from work. I’ve been taking a break from my goals. No chocolate is the only one really done for some of it.

Seeing family and friends. Having trips out with Dave has been lovely. We’ve made homemade meals and spent the majority of the time together.

Seeing as we don’t live together yet. I had to come home tonight. It was sad leaving him. Going back to 5-7 days where we won’t see each other. I found it hard to leave. I’ve felt loneliness even since I got in the car. The thought of going back to work tomorrow is slightly sickening.

Once I’m back into it I’ll get used to it again. These 9 days together have been amazing. It’s made me know that I definitely want to move in with him. Save. Save. Save. The only way it’s gonna happen.

Happy Anniversary

3 years together. It seems longer but at the same time I can’t it’s been this long. If you’ve been with me from the start, you may know I was having loss of connections in my life. Including with Dave.

Our connection being a major part of how I was seeing our relationship. Communication and honesty has been a great thing in my life and our relationship. We’re stronger and I open up about everything with him.

I believe he’s started to open up with me as well. There are times when I feel he’s holding something back. It maybe just me being paranoid. He hasn’t been one to express emotion in the past so anything is great for him.

We’ve had a lovely anniversary. We’ve been doggie sitting so we walked them, got muddy and had to bath them. We spent time in front of the telly. Been watching my guilty pleasure, I’m a celebrity.

We then watched a James Bond film. A confession: before this year I had only watched Daniel Craig 007. Well, 2017 has brought them to me. Today, we watched number 11: Moonraker. I’m getting half way through.

I feel this needs to be on my goal list. To watch all Bond films. I’m sure there are many other films I haven’t watched before either.

Are there any films you think I should watch? Old or new?

If I haven’t see it I’ll put it on my goal list.

Anyway, back to the post. I couldn’t be without Dave. He’s such a chilled, kind, amazing guy. He’s supportive and would try to do anything for me. I love him. Bring on another year together 😘

One Project at a Time

As part of The Holiday Council 2016, I was able to access the Insiders section to the year. I may have had it for 11 months but I’ve only just started to listen to them. I finished the 2011 guest interviews. One of which was with Ev’Yan who focuses on sex and sexuality.

Seeing as my relationship with sex isn’t good. It scares me since I started getting pain during. The thought of trying again causes me to panic, have a sense of dread. It’s been a couple of months since we last had sex.

Finding Ev’Yan through The Holiday Council has been great timing. I feel like if I listened to this guest interview at the beginning of the year I wouldn’t have connected as much to it as I do now.

Looking at her blog, she is being honest about everything. She even does an e-course to help others find themselves to enjoy sex. It’s something I’m considering.

This course and The Courage Life Program are two I’d like to do. But I will have to wait until 2018. November/December brings a new year of The Holiday Council.

I’m trying to focus on one project at a time. As I struggle to focus on one thing at a time, never mind big projects. I think I’m gonna add a new ground rule. To try and build the habit. I have 4 ground rules now.

Rule 4.jpg

Do you have any personal ground rules?

A sense of normality

I worked towards my bath goal today. Sitting in lukewarm water for 15 minutes. I couldn’t relax but I believe I may have gotten over the major panic of sitting in the water.

Dave and I had a date afternoon as well. Went to Nandos then on to the cinema. We saw IT. I enjoyed myself. Feel we’re getting our connection back. The film was good. Still yet to find one to scare me though. I’m scared of having baths and spiders but I don’t scare at films.

Any suggestions of scary films?

Had a lovely evening with friends. I didn’t feel disheartened when I had to leave to come home. I thought “I’ve enjoyed my time here. We’ll be doing it again soon.”

When I got home, o my. A spider run across my bed!! Back to normality then. Thank you, mum, for being my savour.


Today has been a good day. I had a girls night with B. Food, film and a good gossip. Just what I needed.

I didn’t struggle to think of what to say. I was relaxed. Didn’t overthink anything. I think I found a good friend in B. It may have taken us nearly three years to get here but I’d rather not rush a friendship.

I was able, to be honest about things that have happened or I’m feeling about life. I know she’s been honest with me back. That’s one of the main fears I have. My trust levels have been low but I know I have a couple of friends that I can say anything to. I know I’m being listened to, not judged and can hopefully

That’s one of the main fears I have. My trust levels have been low but I know I have a couple of friends that I can say anything to. I know I’m being listened to, not judged and can hopefully have friends for life.

Connection must be in the air. I feel more connected with my other half today. A flow of conversation and no awkwardness. A bonus.

Thoughts of Kids

One day, my partner and I may have kids. We’re not ready in most ways for them as yet.

After seeing my Uncle, Auntie-in-law and my three cousins. One of which is three weeks old, the others one year and in her teens.

I’ve already thought of how I’d like to bring my kids up. Anything like my one-year-old cousin is a no no. Mis-behaviour aside.

It’s been a good day in all. Saw family. Had my group session. I felt I paid more attention to it today. I do need to actually do the work though.

I’m gonna call it a night. My eyes are hurting. I must be tired. Night Everyone.

Back to Basics

I’ve had a mixed day. The good thing is that I’ve had a good second half. Had a laugh over nothing, which is good. I say nothing, we were watching a film, so it was something.

I had my sexual health clinic trip today. Other than some small tearing, all looks OK. She did a swab which we believe will come back normal. I basically have that messed up mental health it’s affecting me having sex.

The advice is to go back to basics. Start off from the beginning. Like I’ve never had sex before and go slow. Build up my mind and body to enjoy sex again. The doctor gave me some antiseptic cream as well to use for when having sex to see if that helps at all.

It was an interesting conversation to have with my other half but he said yes. He’s happy for us to do that.

Back to the beginning, we go.

You can now sign up to Molly Mahar new Council: The Courage Council. It’s starting on the 11th September for 21 days. There are two price ranges depending if you want extras or not. Like I said, it’s new this year so, only know whats gonna happen by the info Molly provides but if it’s anything like how her Holiday Council goes. I’m gonna love it.

Maybe you could too. Click the picture to access the web page. Have fun.