Life, Personal Development, Stratejoy

Releasing and Keeping 2018

I’ve had a final job offer and start in the new year. I handed in my notice so in 4 weeks I finish my current job, then have 10 days before my new job starts. I have 6 weeks of training then I’ll be starting on a full time rota in the ward I’m being placed.

I was so happy when I got the news I called all my parents to let them know. It’s definitely put me in a good mood.

Just before I got the offer I had sat down to start the first call for HoCo. I turned my phone on silent to try focus on the task at hand. I did mostly without looking at my phone but I did pause the recording to check. It’s a step, I suppose I need to work on that.

Week one is all about reviewing the past year, releasing and keeping. It’s helped me work towards my releasing challenge. What I’ve written to honour my strength I’m going to type up and have crossed out. All the keeping from 2018 is going to be bold.

Bought a house. Booked our wedding. No chocolate since 29th January. Deep journalling. New job offer. Group holiday. Solo trip to London for coach meeting. Completed NVQ and Life Coaching Level 2 Quals. Time spent with family; meals, weekend away. Dragon tattoo. Demi Lovato with E. Michael McIntyre with Dave. New friend: V. Moving to Ossett. Dave birthday tank driving. Over 100 followers on blog. Steps with B, her mum and my mum. Cirque du Soleil with my mum; OVO. Meadowhall Christmas Live with B. Cinderella with Dave. Time of work with Dave. Feeling like being more open with all and myself. Going to therapy; getting off anti-depressants. No social media. Spending time at YAS. Change of car. Dave and I moving in together. Trip to Aunty B.

Feeling inadequate for going to therapy and being on anti-depressants. Anus. Stomach. Getting myself to overwhelm points and putting too much on myself. Malcolm passing away. Grandma slowing deteriating and finding it hard to watch. Frustration and anger feelings. Procrastination on tasks causing myself to get into overwhelm state more so. Not taking care of myself; self-care and love. Focusing on others before myself. Unable to concentrate on one tasks at a time. Mind on over drive. Not being easeful, patient or gentle with myself. Not exploring a new level of intimacy or giving/recieving pleasure.

I’ve learned things about myself and how much I care about having experiences in life: with Dave, family and friends, then spending every day at work or spending it on rubbish. I feel more like myself by opening up to people and writing deeper. Being sent to enjoy my spare time. I now believe I can do something I put my mind to. When I truly want something or am passionate about it I’ll do it. It doesn’t feel like a chore.

I understand why I need to be myself and work towards figuring out myself as a whole.

As well as the releasing above we had prompts to see if there are other releasing; those that don’t serve me.

In 2019 I will let go of my belief that I am not enough and that everything cannot be done. That anxiety is what’s stopping me.

In 2019 I will release these harmful habits – mindset of frustration and anger. Self sabotaging myself and my mind. Putting others before my own needs.

In 2019 I will remember that every moment is there to be enjoyed that if I don’t enjoy what I’m doing that something needs to change.

In 2019 I will stop feeling frustrated, overwhelm and the anxiety bubble.

In 2019 I am leaving behind the above feelings and the belief I am not enough. That I cannot do new things.


I’ve a couple more sheets for week one to complete, a guest interview and the challenges. The good thing there is no deadline for HoCo. Yes it’s done within a 3 week period but we can go at our own pace. I feel I’m putting my all into it this year. I’m starting to feel like I want to work on myself and figure out who I am.

Life, Personal Development, Stratejoy

2018: A year of growth and unrest

2018 has been a mix of a year. There’s been times I’ve felt its been my year of growth; buying a house, booking our wedding and looking for a new job. I don’t know the answers to where I’m heading but I feel I’m on the right path.

Then I’ve felt like I’m in the year of unrest; where things have been overwhelming. I’ve been putting a lot on my plate and other things keep popping up causing me to feel like I’m in a crisis emotionally.

I believe I started out 2018 growing and found the second half in unrest. I want to get out of that and work on 2029 being the year of destruction. Where everything gets torn down and new is a foot, building and know who I am, leading to a year of mastery.

Seeing me write my year out like this allows me to step back and realise no matter which year I’m in, I’m moving forward in the right direction. No matter whats happening in my life I feel I’m coping with it a lot better then I used to.

Life, Personal Development, Stratejoy

HoCo 2018: ‘I’m Making Progress’

I’ve done better with this No Telly Tuesday; I haven’t forgotten about it. I’ve been productive at Getting Some Shit done. I’ve also popped into my new job to hand in some last pieces of paperwork. Hopefully, my last reference is going to be sorted too. I have everything crossed that I’ll finally get a final official job offer.


HoCo 2018 Day 2

I asked my grandad about the exercise bike last night. He said I can get rid. I’m gonna see if I can get some pennies for it and if nothing comes from that take it to the charity shop. I’ve also decided to declutter my file box for the activation challenge. It’s where I put things I need to sort out another time. It’s like my physical to-do-list but my digital to-do-list gets more attention.

I listened to the first guest interview but listening is a strong word. I was getting distracted by other things. I couldn’t or should I say I struggled on a general basis to sit and just listen. I ended up pausing at each distraction so I couldn’t miss anything that was being said. Being in the now and listening is something I need to work on. Even so, I did take things from Jen Louden call:

I used to do monthly updates but I’ve lapsed on these in the past view months; maybe coming up with my own tracking review each month will put me back on track on my yearly goals to have a check in with myself in between each of the quarterly reviews. I could use my diary as my weekly check-in? Give myself a reality check to what appointments, work and to-dos that need doing and the time I have to do the work on my goals. Allowing myself to schedule and focus on some me time.

What I really need to do is celebrate the good things, what goes right when a goal is finished.

I need to be aware of constructing identity. Jen explains this is where current desires are being looked through the lens of the past. For example, using I should have done this etc. But also be aware of what future identities like visualisations that are sabotaging the present. Practice focusing on the now; maybe with meditation. I need to let go of the past and future energies that may not be possible right now to prevent my NOW identity from growing.

I also need to figure out what is good enough for me. What does enoughness look or feel like to me? I believe I hold my enoughness at too high a level. Sabotaging my satisfaction and giving too strong intentions. I need to let go of expectations. That the goals I haven’t reached this year are still a vision, just because I didn’t get there this year doesn’t mean I can’t try again next year.

While writing up these answers I’ve realised that I’ve got some responses for my reflection challenge; things I want to leave behind in 2018. I’ve still yet to figure out how I’m gonna do in terms of ritual.

I feel that I’ve taken this HoCo this year more on board in the last two days then I did for the whole of the first year of doing it. I’m making progress!!

Life, Personal Development, Stratejoy

HoCo 2018 Begins

Today’s the start of The Holiday Council with Stratejoy. I’ve done it for the past two years and feel I could continue for as long as Molly keeps registration open. This year I am going to write my responses in my journal and any reflections from outside the workbook here too. I wanna try to get the full wack of my deep journalling as possible. In three weeks time this years theme word, JOY, will be replaced with my 2019 theme word.

Week 1 Connection Challenge:

2018 has been a year of growth and taking the theme of the year more seriously. Trying to fully incorporate it into my life. Having done this more often them my year of CHERISHing is what I’m most proud of. I’ve brought JOY into my life; I’ve gone on a group holiday with Dave and friends, I’ve visited family – near and far. I’ve been saying yes to new experiences and being with others. I’ve thought more about what I’m doing in my life that brings me JOY.

When using the word surprised for 2018, I’m not sure what comes up for me. Maybe it’s that I’m still not always true to myself and still hold back on what I want to do and say. I’ve come along way in my later 20’s. But I’ve still a way to go to be me entirely. I’d like to figure out how to get myself closer to me. Aiming to know who I am to live my 30’s to the fullest. I’ve just under 3 years to get there.


The 2nd and 3rd challenges I need to think about what and how I’m gonna do them.

The activation challenge – I need to figure out where my decluttering is gonna be. What is gonna have the most impact on creating a fresh new space for the new year?

Most of our belongings are in our bedroom at my parents or in Daves old room at his parents. Then our house just comes as it is. I can’t clean that until the plasterer has finished. Back to our bedroom at my parents’ house, it is. One thing in front of me is the exercise bike my grandparents gave me. I’m mainly using it as a clothes rack. I’ve used it a few times since April, but I’ve no desire to get on it in a hurry. Being sat around isn’t enough motivation for me to get on and exercise. I’d much rather get on the yoga mat, that is currently under the bed. It’s something that keeps coming to my mind. I think I’m gonna ask my grandad about it to see what he wants to do. That can be part of my activation; I feel once it’s in our house and in one of the spare rooms, it’s just gonna be sat there gathering dust. Our room does need a good tidy. Maybe I could do this as well?

The reflection challenge – What do I want to let go of and what do I want to keep from 2018? How am I going to portray this?


If anything new comes to me following this I think I’ll write it in a reflection. I should have prompts more often. I write a lot more and on a deeper level than just how my day went.

Life, Personal Development, Stratejoy, Writing

A Mini Q4 Review 2018

This week off hasn’t felt like one to me. I love to help but I’m not feeling the way I want to. I’m tired, frustrated and just waiting to have the opportunity to have days where they are for me to do what I want 100% of the time. Because I’m putting others first, I’m not doing all that I want to do. That’s including with my goals. I started out the last quarter of the goal really well at Getting Shit Done.

I have been doing things slowly the last month or so but other things have taken over. My prioritising skills haven’t been up to scratch. I’ve done odd deep journalling. I suppose the challenge is caring for my grandparents. Having to keep my mouth closed to prevent my grandad becoming upset with us but it’s risking my grandma. We’re figuring out what we need to say with the right words.

Having this on my plate and all the other things in my life, they have taken priority and my self-care and the things I need to do are put to one side or forgotten. Joy is something I have experienced this quarter. But mainly its been put to one side also. Taking memories where I can but being fully present has been hard. Lively I have not been. I am craving calm, simplicity, freedom and streamline.

Life, Stratejoy, Writing

Do you know your purpose?

This morning I did the purpose circle done by Molly Mahar over at Stratejoy. Her community circles are always thought provoking for me.

My intention for doing this circle was to have more understanding of what I’d like for myself and my purpose. To answer the questions to help me get there, understand the meaning and to help me fall in love with my life.

During the circle Molly read a lovely essay she’d written. From this essay I thought I didn’t fully understand my true purpose. That my messy but beautiful life is going in the right direction. When I know my purpose, I’ll know, that’ll lead me to know which way to continue on my path. That my purpose doesn’t have to effect a wide circle. That it’s allowed to be small.

Right now, purpose for me feels guilty because I don’t know mine. That it’s a job I should be doing. That I need to be living and breathing it 24/7. Guilty that I’m not. That I’m just living.

I got stumped on what my memories were where I was using my gifts. What have I done to show these? My memory isn’t good. My past fades quickly. When others have said good things about my life, it’s been for helping animals or others. That I’ll be a good nurse, kindness and good as an admin.

Do I listen to what life is telling me? I feel I have some moments of listening. But majority of the time I miss the signs and gloss over hearing what could have been said.

So far from the circle, I’ve realised that I don’t have to have a big purpose that effects others. I should listen to what life is telling me. That my purpose doesn’t have to be my job. It could be a way of living, of which parts can be expressed through my job. The authentic, kind and helpful part of me, I know to be true about who I am and why I am here. That my family and mental health is something that means a lot for me. That I want to help in the world, so it can be a better place.

I try to control everything. I’m an undecided person, I need to listen more. I guess I’m scared of failing but also succeeding. Pretending I’m not on the right path when deep down I know what is wrong.

With doing this circle, it’s helped me think more of my purpose. It makes me want to set a purpose statement. I want to get out of my head, feel I have a connection with my life.

New Goal > set a purpose statement

Life, Stratejoy, Writing

Do you take responsibility?

The past is the past. That can’t be changed. But I can change my story for my future self. Recognise my feelings and go with them.

I’m guilty.

I’m guilty of not taking responsibility for my choices and actions. I’m guilty of passing on the blame. I’m guilty of being the reason why friendships have broken down. I’m guilty of missing out on opportunities. I’m guilty of allowing negative thoughts to creep into my life.

I shouldn’t be guilty of these things but I am. I made these choices for whatever the reason at the time. They are done. The consequences took.

Taking responsibility is about the privilege to take ownership of the choices and actions I make each and every day.

I need to take responsibility for my health. Respect and listen to my body. Give it the self-care it deserves. Give my body sensual and sexual desires it wants.

I need to take responsibility to make my life more pleasurable. Give things importance. Define the freedom in my life. Building the courage to know I’m capable to handle what life throws at me. To take risks; big and small. Have those conversations that are needed.

I need to step out of my comfort zone. Do those scary goals. Don’t judge things on success or failure. The failure allows me to grow.

I need to figure out how to get out of the lows in life. Not staying there expecting others to get me out.

I need to voice opinions and find the answers. Live life through my lens.

I don’t need to be perfect.

I need to face feelings head-on. The good, the bad and the ugly. That’s how I’ll get out of the dips. All of them. Even the hard ones.

Everywhere, with everyone, lessons can be learnt. I need to teach myself. I don’t have to understand.

I’m not to give away my power!

I don’t have to choose sides. I can be selfish and selfless. I can be brave and afraid. I can be badass and super sensitive.

The judgements have got to stop. Those on others and on myself. People judge on me too.  Tocix is no good in life. Let the judgement go.

Embrace curiosity to lead to kindness. Amit my mistakes, no matter how hard. Speak up when my mind changes. Set boundaries for myself and others.

It can be ok to depend on others. It can be worth it to build a healthy relationship. They take time. Work on it!

I don’t need to understand. Everything doesn’t need to have a rational explanation.

I know how to come back to myself. I write to know how to begin again.

Enough is for everyone.

Everything matters; whether money, opinions, purpose, creativity.

Refused to allow others to be mistreated.

How we live out lives is how we care for the world.