As part of The Holiday Council 2016, I was able to access the Insiders section to the year. I may have had it for 11 months but I’ve only just started to listen to them. I finished the 2011 guest interviews. One of which was with Ev’Yan who focuses on sex and sexuality.
Seeing as my relationship with sex isn’t good. It scares me since I started getting pain during. The thought of trying again causes me to panic, have a sense of dread. It’s been a couple of months since we last had sex.
Finding Ev’Yan through The Holiday Council has been great timing. I feel like if I listened to this guest interview at the beginning of the year I wouldn’t have connected as much to it as I do now.
Looking at her blog, she is being honest about everything. She even does an e-course to help others find themselves to enjoy sex. It’s something I’m considering.
This course and The Courage Life Program are two I’d like to do. But I will have to wait until 2018. November/December brings a new year of The Holiday Council.
I’m trying to focus on one project at a time. As I struggle to focus on one thing at a time, never mind big projects. I think I’m gonna add a new ground rule. To try and build the habit. I have 4 ground rules now.
Do you have any personal ground rules?
I finished a goal this morning. I have completed The Courage Council. I have completed all three weeks worth of challenges, notes and activations.
Well, not all activations. I still have yet to complete all of my risk actions. I have started on them. Which is a big achievement for me in itself.
Some are ongoing actions I need to ensure I act on throughout my life. Due to this, I am going to make them ground rules.
I worked on my courage today. It was one of my actions I needed to do for week 1. There are usually things I see in my head of which I can do with all the confidence in the world.
But actually doing them is a different story. Most things I struggle to do on my own. When I actually do whatever it is, it builds my confidence up. Slowly, but it’s up.
One of my confidence builders is: go against my brain/thoughts to complete something.
Today, I went to the cinema by myself. I love going to the cinema. Usually, I’m with my other half or friends. I’ve seen others go by themselves. I always think how brave they are.
A part of me thought “yep, I can do that.”
Going by myself today was my act of courage. I thought “I can do this!” I pre-booked my seat so I didn’t have to queue. One step at a time.
When I was due to go my chest became painful. I was breathing heavy. I had to go to their bathroom before I went into the screen to use my inhaler. To calm down.
In the end I did it. I sat through the film and enjoyed it. Recommend Girls Trip. I had in my head that people were judging me.
The more I do things, my courage and confidence will grow. I’ll get out of that mindset.
Have you ever been to the cinema by yourself? How’d you feel?
The review is slightly different this month as it’s the end of a quarter. I believe I’m getting better at answering questions about myself and how things have gone.
I’m starting to be the woman I want to be. I’m starting to get physically and mentally healthy. I’m starting to be honest with all and standing up for myself and who I want to be.
I’ve still a long way to go.
I’ve had some good memories with my mental and physical health goals this quarter.
- Started walking the dogs again
- Liking the feeling after completing yoga
- Getting the courage to ask for help when I’ve needed it
I did find my lack of motivation challenging as well as getting the courage to speak up. I found it difficult accepting I needed to go back onto anti-depressants.
I honoured my theme of the year: Cherish and my ways of being this quarter, meaningful, healthy, at ease, connected, listening. Not just on my mental and physical health goals but in general and with my other goals too. You can now see my Goal List from the menu option.
Has been a mixture of ups and downs. The hardest being my Grandma C passing away. The other downs:
- Not going to a friends birthday celebration due to having a bad day
- Having bad days that meant I didn’t get out of bed
- The stress of work leading up to and around the time of my Grandma passing
- I’ve spent more time with my family and friends. Cherishing the time I have with them
- Family and friends being there to support me
- Getting a little further with my NVQ
- Working on The Courage Council and doing the work
- My self-care afternoon
I’ve now started doing a “blackboard” of tasks; which has been something I’ve come across the past two years of doing The Holiday Council but not doing myself. I’ve had a blackboard for a while and I would love a bigger one. My “blackboard” of tasks is a to-do-list of sorts. It has some of my goals on there as well as things I really need to do/think about.
A mixed month and an on the road to being myself quarter. Here’s to the next; the last of 2017. It’s certainly going quick. My two new goals for Q4 are:
- Speaking up
- Breathing techniques
I’m going to see how much of my to-do-list I do and if I add any more. As well as working on my goal list.
How was September for you?
Has Q3 treated you well?
What would you love to happen for the final quarter of 2017?
I started week one of The Courage Council today. The first five-minute task were prompts about believing in yourself. I wrote things down but I struggled to answer.
That realisation of not believing in myself or knowing what I’m proud of about myself. It’s disheartening to me. That positivity and strength, Molly was talking about. I lack within myself.
This needs to change!
The next task to write down the doubts I carry. Well, that wasn’t hard. I even kept going over time.
The doubts need to change to beliefs!
Again I found the same thing during the slices of life task. I was able to fill in my destroy and weakness boxes. The build and strength ones on the other hand only had one or two in or nothing at all.
I may have already started this work but I’ve already noticed something I need to improve upon.
I’ve always struggled with confidence but I thought I had belief in myself. I find simple things hard to do. Just like a moment ago for instance. I needed my neighbour to move her car to enable me to move mine, in order for my stepdad to get his van on the drive once he got home.
I went straight to panic mode. Even asked my mum if she’d do it. I knew the answer was gonna be no. I took a deep breath, put a big jumper on and went round.
My neighbour was lovely with it. Happy to move her car. Said she was even watching out for my stepdad to get home.
I don’t know why but I find speaking up, asking for what I want scary.
Let’s make a goal.
Goal: Do the things that scare me
It’s quite a broad goal but right now a lot of things scare me. I have a fear of baths remember. Big or small. I need to do them.
I’ve had a mixed day. The good thing is that I’ve had a good second half. Had a laugh over nothing, which is good. I say nothing, we were watching a film, so it was something.
I had my sexual health clinic trip today. Other than some small tearing, all looks OK. She did a swab which we believe will come back normal. I basically have that messed up mental health it’s affecting me having sex.
The advice is to go back to basics. Start off from the beginning. Like I’ve never had sex before and go slow. Build up my mind and body to enjoy sex again. The doctor gave me some antiseptic cream as well to use for when having sex to see if that helps at all.
It was an interesting conversation to have with my other half but he said yes. He’s happy for us to do that.
Back to the beginning, we go.
You can now sign up to Molly Mahar new Council: The Courage Council. It’s starting on the 11th September for 21 days. There are two price ranges depending if you want extras or not. Like I said, it’s new this year so, only know whats gonna happen by the info Molly provides but if it’s anything like how her Holiday Council goes. I’m gonna love it.
Maybe you could too. Click the picture to access the web page. Have fun.
Well, that’s easier said than done right?
Why not pop on over to Molly Mahar site over on Stratejoy and take a look at her new Council; The Courage Council.
It’s starting on the 11th September for 21 days. There are two price ranges depending if you want extras or not. Like I said, it’s new this year so, only know whats gonna happen by the info Molly provides but if it’s anything like how her Holiday Council goes. I’m gonna love it.
Like I said, it’s new this year so, only know whats gonna happen by the info Molly provides but if it’s anything like how her Holiday Council goes. I’m gonna love it.
Maybe you could too. Click the picture to access the web page. Have fun.
Don’t you just love the art work Molly creates?