Still, on the fence about moving

Still, on the fence about the day, we’re moving. The buyers have paid their deposit. It’s their solicitor that’s delaying the process. We won’t know until tomorrow to see if it’s going ahead or if the date is changing. That’ll be an interesting work call. Will see what the outcome is.

Tomorrow I’m getting my tattoo finished. Can’t wait to see it complete. Just like part 1, I’ll be showing the end result.

Moving Day in 5 Days

Accepting I can’t control things is harder done then said. Moving Day is in 5 days. I’ve been told we’re back to a maybe on that front. Apparently, the people buying our place still haven’t paid their deposit.

There’s nothing I can do to be certain that we’re moving in 5 days time. All I can do is wait. Positivity is helping with my control issues. Negativity is not a nice feeling.

I am the expert of my life

I am the expert of my life. Only I can learn, research and digest the information around me. I have to take action. I have to trust what I feel.

My actions, my feelings – Do they line up with my values and beliefs? When trying new things. Experimenting. Only I can feel if it’s light or heavy. If I’m on fire or feeling like I’m dragging a ball and chain.

Only I can let things go from my life. I don’t have to care about everything. I am the expert on my life. I have the answers on the inside. I am enough. I am worthy and deserving of love and acceptance. I am doing the best I can.

I am supported. I’m not alone. Feelings, goals, life can get messy. That’s OK.

Have a place to go. Have the space to allow myself to be messy. I am a friend to myself. I am allowed to be a beginner. I am allowed to make mistakes. Only I can tell myself otherwise.

The Simplicity of No Wardrobe.

A couple of days without a wardrobe. Using my curtain rail for my clothes is growing on me. The simplicity of it is making me feel good. Maybe not the use of my curtain rail. I like the fact I can shut my curtains properly. Thank goodness for blinds.

pexels-photo-271722.jpeg

IDEAS! No bulky wardrobes. Rails attached to walls. Spacing with no doors. I cannot wait for my own home. I better keep on saving if I wanna have a simple wardrobe.

I really can talk about saying goodbye to wardrobes.

Another step towards moving home. My wardrobes have been taken down into parts. Ready to be taken away tomorrow. I know it’s a wardrobe but I’ll miss it. A big corner walk-in wardrobe. Without it, my room looks bigger. You can tell it hasn’t been moved since it came. The wall behind it is a different shade of purple.

I’m glad to have had some time to relax today. I spent most of the afternoon sleeping. I have a lovely head cold. It’s taken the majority of my energy. Gotta get rested up. Get through tomorrow.

Saying Goodbye – 2018 Courageous Living Planner

At the start of the year, I started the 2018 Courageous Living Planner. I enjoyed reading what Kate Swoboda wrote. I connected with what she had to say. I found her evaluation tool helpful.

At the beginning of the year my satisfaction of the following areas of my life was:

Family and Friends: 5
Career: 5
Money: 3
Physical Health: 6
Home/Physical Environment: 5
Fun and Recreation: 4

Right now I believe some have reduced but I’m hopeful after the move some will go back over even get higher.

After telling the truth from some questions asked I came up with my Most Courageous Self goals:

  1. Incorporate music into my life daily
  2. Being in and seeing the natural world
  3. Achieving and being apart of big dreams

The first couple of months went well on completing the monthly questions. Even up to this month. But once I’d answered the questions I put the planner down not to be looked at until the next month.

I suppose the questions helped me to see my life in a new light but that 10-minute answering hasn’t been helping me move forward. I like my MCS goals. I feel they’re a big part of my big dream goals.

That and with The Holiday Council work I do, the planner doesn’t seem to be needed anymore.

I’ve made the decision to give the planner a miss now. It isn’t being a part of my life in the way it should, so I need to say goodbye to it. Focus on the outlets I already have and that are working.

Due to it being a planner I hadn’t looked through to the months ahead. Having done this now I feel it was the right decision to say goodbye to the planner. I’m not loosing out by saying goodbye. I’m not wasting money. It was free and a little bit of ink. Being paper I’m able to recycle what I’m saying goodbye too.

Is there anything you feel you need to say goodbye too?


Watched: Numb > 2.5 out of 5
Walking Tall > 4 out of 5
The Levelling > 1 out of 5

Are you being yourself?

Growing up, even still to this day people tell me to be yourself. In my 26 years of life so far, is it the ‘norm’ to know who I am, where I wanna be and what my life is gonna hold?
My mind processed all the information around me. I either see and understand it or I don’t.
I know what my past journey has been like. I’ve had ups and downs. In and out of the doctors, with this or that wrong with me. I’ve gained and lost friends. I’ve lost myself and found myself again. My anxiety, my depression has been ruling me. Anti-depressants within my system.
I’ve backed out. I’ve run away. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve lied. I’ve been kind. I’ve been cruel. I’ve been many more a type of person.
Do I know who I am? Not entirely. I know what I feel, what I think and a path is in view. My past doesn’t define me. Yes, it is my past. It always will be. My past isn’t who I am today.
I can tell you some of my likes, dislikes. My aspirations. The person I want you to see me as. The legacy I wanna leave behind. That’s only a part of me.
My thoughts have been rolling around my head, all my life. Thoughts, I’ve had to deal with. Thoughts that have stopped me doing or saying something. Thoughts that have been positive but have been pushed to one side, hiding in the darkness of the negativity bullying their way forward.
My thoughts are just that: thoughts.
They are balloons floating by. Until one keeps getting bigger, ready to burst, needing my attention. After letting out some air, the balloon is safe to continue, floating, gently over the horizon.
Thoughts are transient. Short-lived. Thoughts come and go. These thoughts have been weathering a storm, bursting for too long.
That gentle flow towards the horizon, the calm, lightening up my days. I’m becoming conscious of myself and the world I’m in. Starting to live for me. Not for others and certainly not for my thoughts.
My mind is open to endless possibilities. Insights.
I can’t tell the future. Tomorrow I’ll be myself and more. Continuing to grow each day. My consciousness emerging in all areas, freeing my mind of thoughts. Allowing me to shine through.