Honesty in my Words

Tired and drained again. My own fault. I’m not complaining. Just giving my status.

We were sent a survey from work yesterday asking us to respond to questions about our job. Well, today I completed it. I think it’s been the first time I’ve been honest with my responses at the time of answering. Even the question ‘Would I recommend us to a friend?’.

I have a feeling I may get a phone call back at some point. I believe the director knows who gives the answers.

Today was also the day I set up my blog; My Mind Medicine. You may be reading this and think ‘I’ve already read previous posts’. This is due to the fact I write in a journal first at my own leisure. So, in reality, this post is two weeks behind the day I actually wrote it.

I had doubts against myself and the blog after a few hours of setting it up. I suppose I doubt myself regularly about most things. But this is writing to the world. Anyone can read it. Even though I know, no one knows who is behind the words. I’m not confident enough about getting my writing out there.

I would like to get the blog going in order to help me and my mind. Hopefully building up my confidence along the way. I’m not expecting big achievements or milestones. Just honesty with myself and the words I write.

Last, of all today, brings the start of six glorious days off. Let’s see what I can get up to.

Monthly Review: July 2017

I haven’t done a proper review of a month before. So bare with me. I want to get into the habit of regular reviews in order for me to take accountability and know where I need to focus the next month.

I think I want to do it in section; break it up a little to help me understand all the goals I place on myself.

Journaling

I’m doing very well so far. I’m journaling daily. Whether it’s something on my mind about my day or what I’ve been inspired by. When I write I come up with goals within the moment.

  • Relax in the bath > I haven’t even started with this one. To begin with, I don’t have a bath in my parents household. It’s a shower only bathroom. May have to use the bath at my in-laws.
  • Think of a blog name > Well I can tick this one off. √ My Mind Medicine 
  • Relaxation Techniques > I have started this one. Tried two from my module yesterday. A post on these will be published in the up-coming weeks

 

Holiday Council

I will talk about this in more detail when it comes to Holiday Council season. For now, here is a link for you.

At a Glance Calendar

  • Date night √
  • Call/visit my dad and grandma √
  • Long weekend off work √
  • Birthday √
  • Baby shower √
  • Yoga > 12 times √
  • 100 √

My at a Glance calendar has been successful this month. All have been ticked off. Some of these topics will be published within the upcoming weeks.

The Year Ahead

I think I have been incorporating Cherish into my life. Spending time with friends and family as much as I can. But due to the fog in my mind, I could be doing this better by putting it in my own love of things and mindset.

  • Family and Friends > √ I’m giving this a tick for this month. Seen all my family apart from my big brother and kids and my middle sister and kids. The rest I have seen. Some on multiple occasions. Due to a number of birthdays this month, I have seen friends weekly. My other half I feel I need to cherish more. Although we do spend time together and had a long weekend off, I need to get my mind back to positive and lift the fog.
  • Emotionally, physically and financially healthy > I believe I’m on the right path for these. I’m being honest with myself and those around me about my feelings. Talking with my other half. Having referred myself to Rightsteps. Starting the positive steps course on Friday. Physically I feel like shit. I have had my second blood test for my Vitamin D. I haven’t heard anything to assume my levels are back to normal. But yesterday I booked another doctor appointment to see what they can do about me still feeling shit. I also booked in with a sexual health clinic to help that side of things. Financially, we’ve been able to save a good amount up to now. More than the 100 a month that’s on my At a Glance Calendar.
  • Build up my Career > As you’ll find out tomorrow on my daily post. I’ve been offered the opportunity to review and update care plans/system. Hopefully, this will build up my career for any other future opportunities.

 

The Joy Equation

This one I do talk about in a future post. But again here is the link. I’ll just do the goal declarations this month.

  • Research, where I want to travel > Have not started.
  • Research, how to help others > I do help people daily in my job. I do want to see if there is more I could do. In a way, I haven’t started this either.
  • Develop a daily journal practice > Woo, I have started this one. Although, I don’t want to tick this one off just yet. I want to make sure I have the habit locked down.
  • Exercise at least four times a week > Yoga 12 times this month. Plus there are walks I do that I don’t mark down. Maybe I should? Looking at what my phone has logged. I hit over 10,000 steps for one day of July. Coming close on a couple of others. Averaging 3673 steps per day. Total steps of 110,192 steps for the month. I think that’s amazing. Just think what it could come to if I have my phone on my all the time.

 

So there you have it a review of July. How did your July go?

 

Not Feeling Great

I didn’t sleep well last night.  I had three full hours then woke feeling like I needed to be sick. Luckily I haven’t but the feeling is coming and going. Sickness, leading to a busy day. Plus people calling in sick. Least I was able to pick up an hour and 1/4 over today and tomorrow.

Here’s hoping to top up my wage. By not a lot but ‘every little helps’ said by Tesco.

I had a little bit of time to sort my presents out. And so far I’ve done well to put them to good use. It may take some a while. Possibly until I have a house of my own. But here’s hoping for a shorter wait.

I even got my wedding fund piggy bank out. I do love a pig.

I still feel slightly sick writing this. Plus I have a headache. And instead of writing this and going to bed. What do I do? Look at potential blog themes and try to start setting one up. But the name changed all plans. The name I’d thought of, naturally, someone else had thought of it too. A few many someones.

I tried combinations. Plus changing of the name. But I thought ‘Stop.’ Do not just make a site for the sake of making one. Get to pen and paper and think of names beforehand.

So..

Goal: Think of a Blog Name

Wow, two goals thought of in two days. I’m on a roll. Anyway, I best hop to and get sorted to bed. Another long day tomorrow. I’m not gonna feel better staying up all night.

Sweet dreams all.

 

A Birthday, a Journal and a Goal about Baths.

Don’t you love the smell of a new, fair trade, leather type journal? Writing with a new pen? A good choice of gift. I’m glad because I don’t think I would have chosen it for myself.

Today has been a very good day. Actually, the weekend has been a new lease of life in a way. Maybe the excitement and business have prevented me from letting my thoughts wonder. Will have to see how it goes.

Will have to see how it goes.

*Will have to remember to do that relaxation module*

Celebrated with great friends. The gifts I did receive (apart from the bath bombs) were great. And I was able to save and spend some money on what mattered and I liked.

Bath bombs! You’re probably thinking ‘what has she got against bath bombs?’ Well, the bath bombs themselves, I’ve nothing against them. It’s the baths. They cause me to have anxiety attacks. I’m not as bad as I used to be. I couldn’t even give you the cause. But they are not my favourite thing.

I’m now at a point where I can sit in lukewarm water sat up to my hips for around five minutes. With another person in the room with me. But I want to get over it and relax in one.

Goal: Relax in a bath

I want to be able to be in for at least twenty minutes and use a bath bomb. O and no one else in the room with me.

Looked Forward to a Day

Today was a good day. I had things to look forward too. I even felt better about my other half. I believe having things to look forward to help. I was pretty much none stop. Most days I’m not a fan of that. But today it was lovely.

I had my hair done. I was brave and had three inches taken off. So it’s now to just below my shoulders. Then I went for a full body massage.

I actually relaxed. It was great not to have my thoughts running through my mind.

I’ve decided that having a full body massage is something I need to have done regularly. Especially if it’s gonna help me relax. Relaxing is a hard thing for me to do.

Then I went to a friends for a few hours before picking my other half up from work. Pizza and a film. One I wouldn’t have normally chosen but I had great company.

What more could you ask from a day?

The Meal

Well, the meal happened. He got sweet potato fries, cheddar and roasted red onion crisp bakes and whole grain rice and quinoa.

I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I had higher expectations. But what did I expect from someone who doesn’t cook? A full meal made from scratch? Sort of yeah.

It wasn’t a bad attempt. I rated, as my friend said, ‘the come dine with me’ score, 5/6 out of 10 overall.

It did make me think how well my fiance remembers things about me.

The crisp bakes tasted solely of red onions. I don’t like the taste of them. When I mentioned this after he asked me how I was finding the meal. I was given an ‘O yeah’ type shrug!

Today also was my first phone call with the counsellors. Just a top up assessment of the one I sent online last week.

I have been given a relaxation module and have to wait till next Friday to see how they want to proceed.

 

Missing Friendships

I’ve been wondering how to start writing my feelings of today. The day started off like any other. Up and off to work I went.

I was lucky enough to have the afternoon/night off work. So I took the opportunity to stay at my dads.

It was great to see him and my step mum. Even got to see a friend of theirs. A good catch up and even though there was no new news on my dads’ illness. It was good not to get bad news.

But my mind was else where. For after the meal my fiance is due to cook for me tomorrow night. A girls night was planned.

This I was very much looking forward to. Me and three other girls in our group getting together for a good chat, films and games. I was even going to confide in them of how I’ve been feeling of late.

But one has to work later than normal due to being understaffed. Which I totally get. Plus the extra pay will help her.

So I let the host know. Then this afternoon I read the reply that it’s cancelled and we’ll arrange another day.

This put me in a depressive type mood. I was low. I had to stop myself from tearing up.

Even though one of the four of us wouldn’t be able to make it. I was still looking forward to going to a girls night. But that didn’t seem to be the case.

To me, it felt I wasn’t wanted (the other two live in the same house). That the one who cancelled was the clue between me and the other two. That if I was the one who couldn’t make it that the other three still would have got together.

The girl who was unable to make it has her own house with her fiance. The two that live together at first was joking that she could move in and be their cook etc. But as the host kept mentioning it, she became more serious. Meaning that is was what she actually wanted.

My two best friends are guys. I don’t have a proper girl best friend. This is what I’ve been wanting for many years. I was hoping the girls night tomorrow could be the start of making a closer friendship bone to the other girls in the group.

I don’t think I’ll have much of an issue with the girl who was unable to come tomorrow. We’ve already made plans for a meetup. It’s the other two or at least the host that will be a question mark.

The third girl I haven’t had any contact with about girls night so I’ve no idea where we stand.

I guess I feel lonely on some level. I have people around me but I don’t feel any true connection with all.

To be honest, right now, I only feel a proper connection with one in my circle.