Cooking Day

Cooking has been my theme for the day. I really enjoyed it and learnt new things. My first spell in the kitchen was with my mum baking. I made buns, a cake and mince pies.

I’d never made mince pies before. It was interesting to learn. I myself don’t like them but Dave does. So it’ll be nice to make them for him in the future.

My next spell in the kitchen was making a Pork and Apple one pot. It was gorgeous. The flavours were amazing. I really enjoyed cooking from scratch. It does take me longer to make then the times stated in the cook books. Dave helped to prep. It was nice to spend the time together.

Our friends left happy, which was great. See what we come out with tomorrow.

Family Day

We had a day of family. We saw Dave’s sister and the kids. Which meant I met baby nephew. He’s so cute. I’ve now met all 3 of the family newcomers for 2017.

We then saw my grandparents. More for car maintenance. But my grandad showed me how to check my tire pressure and I pumped up my tire for the first time. It seem to have held. Tomorrow it’ll get a tire check all round before garage opens Monday. Just in case new tires are needed.

In August I put on my glance for the month to visit my brother and family. That didn’t happen but today it did. We had a lovely catch up. Dave got to see their place.

A nice relaxing evening in when we got home. During this week holiday I’d like to restore from my burning out.

2 am Hour

It’s currently 2:19 am. I’m laid here in the dark, screen brightness low to prevent Dave waking. This time last night I was finally able to get to sleep. Now, I’m wide awake.

Since having this cold I haven’t been able to sleep properly. I wish I knew why. I am hoping writing this out will help me process or at least take-up some time. May make me tired.

My 1st December went ok. Wrapped up some presents. Put out my new Christmas decorations in my room. Usually I would insert a picture of these here. But seeing as it’s 2:31am I will wait for another time to show you.

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it previously but I feel more of a family connection now then I did on Christmases growing up.

To me Christmas is about family. Spending time together. Enjoying each others company. I have an idea in my head of how I’d like Christmas to be for our kids when we decide to have them.

We also put up a scratch the world poster quite clearly of the world. I want to use this as our travel map. Where we’ve been we can scratch off to show our travels. Dave and I have been to Isle of Wight, Lake Windermere and Barcelona together.

It will be difficult to scratch off those off to begin with. I’ve decided seeing as I’ve currently got the map in a frame that I’ll use the frame to mark where we’ve been until we can scratch a good section off.

Think it’s the perfectionist in me. I don’t want to ruin it. This travel map, I’m hoping to help with my dream of traveling the world. Unless I start playing the lottery in order to win it, we’ll be saving to have holidays away every so often as our traveling.

2018 is already starting to become a busy year. Which means expensive. But experiences to look forward to. Not all are set in stone. Most so far are in the talking stage. But I hope they do become so.

I wanna stop saying let’s do this or we should book that and it not happen. Well, it’s now 2:51 I’m gonna see if I’m able to get some sleep now.

Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing. I hope your enjoying yourself.

Time off Work

When I left work at 12:15 today, it began my 9 day annual leave. I’m so glad it’s begun. Last time I had time off was back in July. The same time I started this blog and my birthday month.

I took a risk and got my hair cut to my shoulders. Over the past year, I’ve slowly been getting it shorter. This time I just said cut it. I’m glad I did. I really like it. What do you think?

This evening, it’s been my friend G’s birthday meal. We went to a restaurant I’d never been to before. It was nice to try it out and spend time with good friends.

Boy, was it expensive. I believe the 50/30/20 rule isn’t gonna fit to my wages this month. I’m still saving. It’s the essential/lifestyle parts I haven’t got to grips with. I’m not gonna stop trying. I’ll get there. It has started to get me to think where my income is going and my relationship with it.

Monthly Review: November 2017

8:28am, 1st December. Real time post

I’m finding it hard to sum up my month of November. I spent my last day not very well. A simple cold made me pale on Wednesday night. Turned into me fainting on the kitchen floor yesterday morning. Spending the rest of the day in bed.

Sleep wasn’t my friend until 2am. I believe the caffeine in the cold and flu tablets kept me awake. I don’t drink tea or coffee so my body isn’t used to it. I did spend an hour reading though.

It’s been a couple of years since I last called in sick. It hasn’t been the best end to the month. My fainting spell caused the loss of my longest standing mug, bugs bunny “what’s up doc” is no more.

What have I achieved in November?

For a month where I’ve felt like I’ve overloaded myself, I haven’t crossed anything off my goal list. Maybe that’s why I’ve been ill. Doing too much. But I have done things towards my goals. Let’s see what my calendar shows:

  • Me Time = 5
  • Bath = 1
  • Overcoming = 3
  • Relaxation = 1
  • No Telly Days = 6
  • No Chocolate = 18
  • Breathing Techniques = 4
  • MHFA = 1
  • BSL = 2
  • CBT = 1

18 days with no chocolate. I think that’s good going.

This month felt like it went very quick for me. Did it for you? Only 1 month left of 2017. Christmas soon be here.

Life’s going quickly. Make the most of it. I know I need to. How was your November?

A Relaxed Week on my Goals

This week I’ve tried to be more relaxed about completing my goals. I’ve gone from 4 non-telly days last week to 1 so far this week. Monday I set some ME TIME for the evening. I chose Pitch Black film then continued watching some episodes of Greys Anatomy.

Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Murder on the Orient Express. I went by myself. Didn’t have a full-blown panic attack this time. Just chest pains. I enjoyed the film even though I believe I was one of the youngest in the screen.

Wednesday I did a few pages of my Overcoming Workbook and then spent a couple hours watching some more Greys Anatomy.

Today, I did a yoga workout, did breathing exercises, completed a lesson of my BSL course. Helping me to achieve my no telly by spending my ME TIME evening reading than listening to music while doing some of my jigsaw puzzles.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start giving you a play by play of what I do each and every day. I just wanted to make a point. Although I did work on a couple of goals I spent time for myself doing what I wanted.

I don’t feel as mentally stressed for it. But I still feel tired. I’ve been sleeping through the night lately. Although the past couple of mornings I’ve woke to find either my engagement ring off or pillows and bedding at the other end of the bedroom. What I’ve been doing in my sleep I do not know.

Maybe it’s something I need to monitor. Be mindful of how I find myself and my room when I wake in the morning.

 

How the Fear Routines and I Connect

Wanting courage within myself. That is something I want to embody. To have courage fight through my fear and anxiety. To have it as an instinct rather than that part of me that gets shut behind a door. 

Watching Kate Courageous in one of her videos got me thinking about why my courage is behind a closed door. She speaks of her fear routines. Surely I need to understand before I can conquer. Looking at her fear routines, I can’t really pinpoint an exact one I fall into. I have parts in all. 

I believe my number 1 is THE SABOTEUR:  I try new things or start something but never finish or get to the end then don’t use it. Would have saved me a lot of education debt. All because of fear. Those negative thoughts going through my head. I start things then quit to do something else regardless if I wanna do it anymore. There are times I underperform. Mainly when I’m getting towards my low moods. 

But my number 2 THE PERFECTIONIST comes though. At these times the perfectionist helps. But I haven’t worked out how to stop or at least slow it down. I go from underperforming to overperforming. Getting into the drive where I need to be and do better. That I have to do the job, get it done, even though another could have done it exactly the same way. But I need to know that it is perfect. Going into the mindset that I need to do even when I know it’s not right. 

I’m not sure which way around to put my number 3 and 4. Could I have a joint one? Have THE MARTER and THE PESSIMIST at the same level. 

THE MARTER: I clearly have a saboteur pattern as this is my number 1. I give to others and no go after what I want.  This I have reduced slightly. I give to others but am starting to go after what I want. I’m glad I wrote this. I believe THE MARTER is my number 4. 

Number 3 has to be THE PESSIMIST: My negative thoughts and anxiety help to rule THE PESSIMIST in me. I get the “things don’t work out for me” feeling. That the world is out to get me. Tests me. 

I feel my number 2-4 lead me to the point that they help my SABOTEUR. That it’s feeding off my other fear routines. Now I need to figure out how to cut these fear routines down to open up my courage. 

That’s for another day. Do you have any of these fear routines? Do you have your own?