A Day of Indecision and The Joy Equation

I’ve had a lot of things go through my mind today. It’s been hard to concentrate on one thing. I need to do this, that. I want to get this done. I’ll do that. I could do that. A day of indecision. Within this indecision, I’ve been able to be somewhat productive.

Food shop. Hair. Doggie walk. The Joy Equation. Yoga. In between work and some food.

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One of the things that I suddenly decided to do at the last minute was completing The Joy Equation.

For anyone who hasn’t heard of this; it’s a personal development type course working on figuring out your core values and big dreams. A 6-week course that into a topic per week. Joining a community of woman who is working to creating a meaning to their lives; working towards their goals.  This is my view of the course. The main site page of the course, on the link above, will explain all so much better. The author allows the community to share the links. I have written all this on my own accord; gaining nothing by doing so. 

It may be designed a 6-week course but it certainly took me longer than that. Three months in fact. But I have got there.

My Mission/Purpose Statement:

Have acceptance and connection with myself, be present for my family and a force for positive change.

My Core Values:

  • Health
  • Simplicity
  • Balance
  • Adventure
  • Connection
  • Radiance
  • Laughter
  • Acceptance

I’ve already written my six big goals and four goal declarations. These can be found here.

At the end of the workbook, there is a My Vision page where I can sum up the main points of the six weeks. This I have scanned and put on my wall along with my other sheets.

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This isn’t the first time I have done this course. I did it a couple of years ago when my mind wasn’t in a good place. It helped me process my wondering mind.

Now that I have finished the course. I was curious what the differences were from my course answers from nearly three years ago. Getting to older workbook out, I saw there was a slight difference with mostly similarities. Three years ago, I was at university. Let’s see:

My Mission/Purpose Statement (Three Years Ago):

To celebrate the joy, make a difference to animals and nourish those around me.

My Core Values (Three Years Ago):

  • Health
  • Love
  • Family
  • Balance
  • Growth
  • Adventure
  • Openness
  • Outdoors

My Six Big Dreams (Three Years Ago):

  1. Travel around the world, seeing different cultures and ways of life
  2. Own a beautifully, energy efficient green (help the environment) home
  3. Make a difference in the animal care/welfare world
  4. Get married for life and have kids
  5. Experience joy for my whole life, accept and be happy – no anti-depressants
  6. Nourish all the people/relationships in my life

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I believe I have changed mindset quite a bit in the last few years. Something like this I find can prove it.

Whether it’s a course like this or your own way of developing and reviewing yourself and your goals. Doing personal development can lead you to know where you may want to go in life and yourself. Everyone does develop without consciously putting the work in.

Have you done this course or one similar? Do you do something else entirely to help yourself develop and complete your goals? What are your goals?

It would be interesting to see other accounts of personal development and goal storming.

 

Love of Family

I’m sat here watching Long Lost Family. I always get emotional watching this show. It makes me grateful for having my own family. I not only have my parents but an extended family too. Step parents, step siblings etc.

I have lost family members just like everyone else. I still miss them to this day. I may not remember all my memories with them but I remember my love for them.


Well, onto the day I’ve had. It’s been a good day, a productive day. One where I have put all down and accepted telly time as me time. The raspberry fragrance in the air from my candle.

The meeting with manager and director happened today. Talked me through the role. Which didn’t take long. I said yes. This means I will be working once a week in the office. Every Thursday. A full day one week and a half day the next, then repeat.

I’m looking forward to it. My mood has been great today.

The only let down has been by my NVQ assessor. She was due to ring me today about our meeting. But to reasons unknown has failed to do so.

Some more good news as I write this.

My other half past his entry level Maths exam. Second times a charm. Next stage is for him to do the next level to work towards his GCSE Maths.

Not too late to accomplish something which was failed earlier in life.

“It’s Life, you’ll get over it”

Why do I feel more awake now then I do any other time of day. It’s coming up to bedtime. An early morning beckons and no matter the time, early or late, I go to bed, I don’t want to get up in a morning.

I remember a time when I woke first thing without my alarm clock even going off yet.

“Life I suppose”.

A doctor said that to me before. My blood result had come back normal. He told me it was life, you’ll get over it!

So glad I wasn’t suicidal.

Thinking of what the doctor said to me, now just makes me angry. Saying that to someone, who another doctor, not long after, put me on anti-depressants and referred me to a counsellor.

Clearly not due to the other doctor. But because of life!

But because of life!

I got through that stage in my life. But life keeps coming – kicking me in the arse.

In just over a week I will be back at a therapist. This time in a group setting. So far not on anti-depressants. Hopefully, it helps me cope some how.

Writing I’ve found to help. I was never good at writing when at school. Sometimes even now, I’m not great. But I’m writing for me. I’m enjoying it. I’m sharing it.

Update on my job opportunity: now rearranged for 3:15 pm tomorrow. Let’s see what this brings.

A Little Disappointed

My meeting with my manager was supposed to be at 9 am this morning. But I had a phone call to say she couldn’t make it into the office. Unfortunately, now I don’t know what’s happening with the job opportunity. I’m having to wait till she’s back in the office to rearrange.

I’m not big on waiting.

I’ve had to wait twelve days to get a response from my NVQ assessor about my next meeting. Now we’ve had a reply, I can organise the meeting itself. I’ve waited four weeks so far for the day itself. Two weeks to go.

I’ve also had my blood test this morning. Seeing if my Vitamin D levels have risen at all. I’ve been on supplements for seven weeks now. I don’t feel any different to the reason why I went to the doctors in the first place.

A Recharge

Six wonderful days off work coming to an end. Regardless of my foggy mind and negativity; it’s been good to have a recharge.

After a quiet conversation day. Finishing season 1 of Untold Stories of the ER. Please, Netflix put another on. A walk around the village and a DC deck building care game. Woo, I won. I came home and got myself somewhat back into work mode.

iPod on the speakers, raspberry candle lit, sort out of my room, organised myself for work. Once that was done, I did some of my mileage. O boy, have I been neglecting the mileage. I did a week’s worth this evening.

Realising I’m under two months behind! How bad is that?

I don’t wanna say it’s only my mileage. Thank god it’s not my washing. But I need to get out of leaving things and procrastinating rather than actually getting some thing done.

Not just my mileage, but my goals. The ones I set for myself, my relaxation module I was given by my therapist and looking after myself. Mentally and physically. Which are my two goals of quarter 3 of the year.

As I’m not quite tired yet. I’m gonna have a hug with a fluffy pup and then read. As reading is something else I’ve been neglecting.

 

Letting Frustrations Out

I woke with a headache. Still tired and feeling drained. I floated through the day. Or that’s at least how it felt. I didn’t want to do a lot.

Being day five of six and having had four busy days. My body wanted me to slow down. I listened, saying I didn’t want to do the plans we already had. I’m glad now because it down poured that much it was coming through the conservatory roof.

At first, I don’t think my partner was happy about not doing a lot. We hardly spoke today until bedtime and that was more to do with anything but my frustrations.

But I’m glad I had planned a girls night with the one who couldn’t come to the group girls night. It was fun. Had a meal, chatted our frustrations throughout and watched The Space Between Us.

The second time I’ve watched it and it’s still sweet. Enjoyed it.

Getting my frustrations out about my partner to my friend helped me. For when I arrived home I was a little more me.

Now I need to think of a plan of attack to get my partner being a full grown, responsible, adult without me having to ask.

Is that too big of a goal?

Puppy Alert

I got to hold a six-week old Husky pup today. It was the cutest; cuddled in my arms trying to kiss me. It wasn’t something I expected when I planned to see my Grandma in her care home. It happened to be the summer fayre. One of the staff members brought them in for people to hold.

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I think I used to pup as a safety net from my feelings towards seeing my grandma. She has become so thin and fragile. It’s heart breaking to see her that way. Cancer taking over her.

It may be heart breaking but I wouldn’t not want to see her. I don’t want to feel this way but I would feel worse if I didn’t see her at all. Even worse for when the time does come and not say goodbye.

I went to a lovely meal. When I say lovely, it was the company who made it so. The food not so much. Me trying to be veggie when I go out; leading to possibly full-time veggie. But they had little options. Even then it wasn’t tasty.

I much prefer the veggie burgers from Lidl.

After the meal, it was a night out. I don’t last long on them. Usually, just like tonight, I’m home before midnight. I’m no drinker. So there are nights I just can’t get into it. When there are people dancing I can do that sober. But when people aren’t and are drinking just to get drunk.

It doesn’t interest me.

I’d much rather be at home watching Netflix in bed and sleep.

Talking of which I may try to get another episode of Untold Stories of the ER in. Night all.