Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Writing

Do you have feelings of uncertainty?

I’ve come to a decision regarding the CBT course I bought for ¬£40 last November. Lately, it hasn’t been a task of joy for me. I’m not 100% sure it was in the first place. But I started it.

To live my life authentically, I thought that the things I do in my life should be meaningful and I’m to enjoy them. I’m afraid if I continue doing this course I wouldn’t enjoy it. I wouldn’t be trusting my feelings.

So I’ve come to the decision to cut ties with this course. I have certainty about that. But I feel uncertainty about the purpose of my life and my career. I don’t know where it’s come from or why I’m feeling this way But I have that uncertainty mixed feelings in parts of my day.

This feeling of uncertainty isn’t a nice one. A part of me wishes I could click my fingers and it would go away. All my problems, lack of purpose and dreams would be gone and complete.

But I wouldn’t be living life, feeling those emotions or being realistic. I believe I need to be more mindful of when I feel this way and note down the what, when, where and the whys. They might help me to figure out how I get to certainty in my life and career.


Watched: The Chronicles of Riddick > 3 out of 5

Life, Writing

Looking After Fish + Car Up-Keep

I’ve never looked after fish before. Fish, although cute, are not my kind of pet. I have been fascinated with trying to find the baby fish that have been born. You may guess that I don’t have fish. But my parents do.

They’re going away for a week. The dogs, no problem. The axolotl, I’ve got used to. The fish are new ones; feed twice a day and keep the tank cool in this crazy hot weather. It’ll be a learning experience.


Most of my day went without a hitch. Then at 5 past 4, my mum and step-dad came home to tell me my tyre was flat. I went to pump it up but after looking at it, there had what looked like a nail in it.

10 past 4, on a Saturday, I’m Googling car tyre places that are open. Only one I found online that was still open in my area. On my way, I saw an independent one still open. Arriving at 20 past 4, 10 minutes before they close, the tyre was unrepairable. It needed a new tyre.

After checking all my tyres, my front two were nearly illegal. I ended up having 4 new tyres all the way around, wheel alignment and tracking done. This was an hour and a half before I needed to be at my first customer.

Bless the gentleman, he did the job even though he was due to close. He saved me this evening. I only just made it to my 1st customer on time. I was happy with his work and also the price. I would definitely go there again.

While working, I noticed my oil light taking a few more seconds to turn off. Guess what’s on my to-do list tomorrow. As well as booking my car into the garage for its MOT. I think I need to learn more about the up-keep of my car. I’ve been driving for 10 years. I suppose I should start.

Goals, Learning, Life

BSL Video Series: Alphabet

Let’s start with the alphabet. It’s what I first learnt. Just like with writing, learning the alphabet made it easier down the road when learning words. Letters make the words right. Some word signs are linked to the individual letter signs too.

BSL uses the two-handed¬†fingerspelling. Some other sign languages may use only the one hand. The alphabet is used when the signs are not known for words or there hasn’t been a sign assigned. Like names for example.

TIP: The fingers of the non-dominant hand, so my left, represent the vowels; A E I O U. When these signs are used, I will point my dominant hand, my right to the finger the letter represents.

Last Weeks: Introduction

Up Next Month: Numbers

Goals, Life, Writing

How to Breakdown a Goal

I make a number of goals; some are big, some are small and some are out of the blue “I wanna do that”.

There’s a difference between saying I’m gonna do this or that, then there is to actually do the goal. I need to think more of the goal.

The Why?

I have a goal. But what is the why behind it? There must be a reason as to how the goal came about. Having this clear should allow me to see exactly why I’m taking my time and energy on it.

Where am I?

Once I have my why?, I need to figure out where I’m already at with the goal. There’s no use me going running to do 5 miles if I can’t breathe after a few 100 yards. I have to be honesst about where I need to start from.

Break it down

This allows me to break the goal down into managable chucks. Lets go back to my running point. I could break the 5 miles down to 100 yards, 500 yards, 1 mile, 2 mile etc… Getting to each benchmark goal is worth celebrating.

Daily Plan

Once I have my benchmark goals, I can make a daily goal. Starting each day with a clean plan to execute that day. Allowing me to be one more step closer to achieving my overall goal.


Running isn’t a goal of mine. I did try to run at one point but that didn’t work. I didn’t have a plan. My asthma wasn’t helping or should I say I wasn’t taking it into consideration and my heart wasn’t in it.

All goals will be different to others. Plan and achieve whatever the goal maybe.


Watched: The Babysitter > 2 out of 5
Lake Placid > 2.5 out of 5

Life, Writing

Go-to activity = the telly

I had extra time today as I had cancellations at work. Twice I went to see one set of grandparents. The last meant I got to go home early, which meant I had more time this evening to spend with Dave.

With the heat, we’ve been having, doing anything can be a chore. Its been nearly two months with hardly any rain. Once I’ve done a shift at work I’m always in need of a shower to cool down.

I haven’t been wanting to do anything. The telly has been my go-to activity. I was good on my No Telly Tuesday. I did, however, read some of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the illustrated edition. I hope J.K.Rowling all the books like this.


Watched: Happy Death Day > 3.5 out of 5

Life, Writing

How do I build up my strength?

I want to build up my upper body strength. I’ve been told previously that I have a muscle imbalance in my arms and shoulders. I’m not 100% sure what this means but I was told exercise is what I need to do.

Finding the right exercise that will build up my strength; I’m not sure where to start. I struggle to lift easy things in life sometimes and I struggle at work with some of the manual and handling tasks which is starting to cause agro in my back.

I need/want to do something that I’m not causing my body harm. Especially with my family health that can be hereditary.