To my future self…

To my 36-year-old self,

I need to make changes now in order to get the future you deserve. Only I can put the work in, to achieve goals and our vision of success. Making the changes now will set you up for the future. When you and Dave turn 36 you will be living the life you want. You can show and teach our children how to manage their emotions and make a life they want.

I will concentrate on one thing at a time. Focusing and being mindful of everything I do. Time is precious. Wasting it won’t get you anywhere. I will cherish every moment. Every experience. Speak up for what we believe in to ensure you are where you need to be to continue forward in our life.

Love your present 26-year-old self.

Everyone’s Different

Everyone’s different.

I understand that.

It would be a boring place if we were all the same.

What I don’t understand is why there are people in this world who want to be hateful.

Tear people, organisations and places down for their own amusement and gain.

Most people put a lot of effort and time into having the life they want.

Follow their goals.

Their dreams.

Life is life.

We all have roadblocks somewhere in our life.

We have to process the roadblocks.

Feel the emotions.

Moving forward isn’t always easy.

Time is something we cannot control.

Every year feels faster and faster.

Whether we achieve or fail.

There always seems to be someone waving a danger flag.

Wanting to cause trouble either physically, mentally.

Directly or indirectly.

We all have to face what’s in front of us.

Whether we want to or not.

A Sense of Control

It may have been Friday the 13th but I felt positive by the day I had. I had lunch with B. Our first proper girls’ outing. It was effortless! I didn’t feel like an imposter at all. I bought my one and only Halloween item and the first present of Christmas 2017. I’ve wrapped it and everything.

burst

I even felt positive about my NVQ meeting. More so afterwards. I was honest about my feelings towards it and my job. She understood and supported me completely. Due to the way my NVQ works, I’m only allowed to finish my NVQ 2 months early. But it’s sooner than before.

After a lovely family film night watching The Fast and The Furious. I’m starting to feel control over my life.


Note: I know today is not Friday the 13th. My posts get published two weeks after I write them down. It happened to be Friday the 13th on that day. 

Doing or Being?

When you go about your day or have an experience. Which mode are you in? Being or doing.

Doing > You do things automatically without thinking. You’re so focused on the aim you forget to enjoy and appreciate what is around you.

Being > When you’re being you’re accepting and present. You welcome what the here and now has to offer. Not focusing on the result. You observe situations calmly, absorbing them and do what’s necessary. Leaving your worries outside yourself.

I would like to say I live in being mode but unfortunately, I don’t. Doing mode is my default. I was taught another breathing meditation. Where all you do is be aware of your breathing. No special way to breathe. Just how you breathe naturally.

Find a quiet place to sit, back straight and close your eyes for five minutes. When you’re finished ask yourself these three questions. My responses are beneath them. 

What did you notice?

I noticed I breathe fast naturally. My mind did wonder slightly but I was able to bring my mind back to being aware of my breathing.

What went well?

Being able to come back to my awareness. That my mind didn’t wander as much as it has in the past.

What was difficult?

I found it difficult to get to grips on how fast I naturally breathe.


To help switch from doing to being mode:

  • Avoid doing several things at the same time
  • Take time out for yourself between activities
  • Meditation/breathing awareness
  • Start and end the day in the here and now
  • Talk and listen consciously
  • Do daily routines with awareness
  • Notice your posture and movements
  • Eat with awareness

When you have an experience, do you reflect on it? Try asking yourself these questions after an experience each day:

How did you feel?
What thoughts did you have doing the experience?
What sensations did you notice in your body?
What thoughts are going through your mind now?


Become aware of your experiences. I know I need to. If like me you default in doing mode. This needs to change to being mode.

Simply Complicated Review

This girl writes a review! I was captivated by what Rachel wrote.

I like to watch a good documentary from time to time. If a celebrity is the reason for the documentary, however, I tend to skip past. I’m so glad I didn’t this time.

This review is the reason I watched Demi Lovato’s documentary on YouTube. When I watched it, my sole focus was on the screen. I felt the sense of proudness, for Demi to share her story. How she overcame and still struggles every day.

Addiction, depression, anxiety and any other form of mental health isn’t something to joke about. It needs a voice. To watch, how someone of a similar age to me, although one in the spotlight, can still follow her dreams, be open and honest about what she has been and is going through. Is taking a look at mental health in the right direction.

Go check out Rachel post over on Strong Mind, Strong Body. Just click below. Go check out Demi Lovato documentary. Just go onto YouTube.

Strong Mind, Strong Body

Demi-Lovato-simply-complicated

I’ve never been a Demi Lovato fan. I’ve never had an interest and her music never really did anything for me. However, I’ve paid some attention to her struggles and honesty over the last few years. When I started to hear about her YouTube Documentary I knew I wanted to set time aside and check it out. I must admit I was surprised with her story. I had no idea how bad her drug use was and how young she was when it started. Yes, she abused drugs and alcohol, but she also dealt with depression and everything that comes along with it.

She starts the documentary off with a great quote. She said, “The key to being happy is to tell your truth and be okay without all the answers.” This hit me hard and is a big part of why I started this blog. I need to tell…

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I Asked!

One of the things I’m not happy with in my life is the instability of my job. I seem to work a lot of hours a week without much of a return. Don’t get me wrong; I love caring for people. I need to do so in a stable, permanent, fixed hour position.

I would look for another job. I even have one in mind. One thing is stopping me. My NVQ. My current employer kindly paid for my NVQ. Meaning I had to sign a contract to say I would repay it back if I left before, 3 months after it was completed. After this time, I don’t have to pay them back.

I’m about halfway through my NVQ. I feel it is going slow. One: I haven’t done a lot to say I’ve got a qualification at the end of it. Two: I wish it was over. I’ve been wishing it would hurry up and end. Not good really with my fear of time.

This wishing isn’t gonna help me. Plus, wishing isn’t gonna get it done. I’m due to meet with my assessor on Friday. I’ve already sent an email asking if there was any way I could complete my NVQ sooner. I got a reply saying we’ll discuss on Friday.

I don’t know what my options are yet. I’ll have to wait until then. But instead of wishing, I took the risk and asked.