Looked Forward to a Day

Today was a good day. I had things to look forward too. I even felt better about my other half. I believe having things to look forward to help. I was pretty much none stop. Most days I’m not a fan of that. But today it was lovely.

I had my hair done. I was brave and had three inches taken off. So it’s now to just below my shoulders. Then I went for a full body massage.

I actually relaxed. It was great not to have my thoughts running through my mind.

I’ve decided that having a full body massage is something I need to have done regularly. Especially if it’s gonna help me relax. Relaxing is a hard thing for me to do.

Then I went to a friends for a few hours before picking my other half up from work. Pizza and a film. One I wouldn’t have normally chosen but I had great company.

What more could you ask from a day?

The Meal

Well, the meal happened. He got sweet potato fries, cheddar and roasted red onion crisp bakes and whole grain rice and quinoa.

I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I had higher expectations. But what did I expect from someone who doesn’t cook? A full meal made from scratch? Sort of yeah.

It wasn’t a bad attempt. I rated, as my friend said, ‘the come dine with me’ score, 5/6 out of 10 overall.

It did make me think how well my fiance remembers things about me.

The crisp bakes tasted solely of red onions. I don’t like the taste of them. When I mentioned this after he asked me how I was finding the meal. I was given an ‘O yeah’ type shrug!

Today also was my first phone call with the counsellors. Just a top up assessment of the one I sent online last week.

I have been given a relaxation module and have to wait till next Friday to see how they want to proceed.


Missing Friendships

I’ve been wondering how to start writing my feelings of today. The day started off like any other. Up and off to work I went.

I was lucky enough to have the afternoon/night off work. So I took the opportunity to stay at my dads.

It was great to see him and my step mum. Even got to see a friend of theirs. A good catch up and even though there was no new news on my dads’ illness. It was good not to get bad news.

But my mind was else where. For after the meal my fiance is due to cook for me tomorrow night. A girls night was planned.

This I was very much looking forward to. Me and three other girls in our group getting together for a good chat, films and games. I was even going to confide in them of how I’ve been feeling of late.

But one has to work later than normal due to being understaffed. Which I totally get. Plus the extra pay will help her.

So I let the host know. Then this afternoon I read the reply that it’s cancelled and we’ll arrange another day.

This put me in a depressive type mood. I was low. I had to stop myself from tearing up.

Even though one of the four of us wouldn’t be able to make it. I was still looking forward to going to a girls night. But that didn’t seem to be the case.

To me, it felt I wasn’t wanted (the other two live in the same house). That the one who cancelled was the clue between me and the other two. That if I was the one who couldn’t make it that the other three still would have got together.

The girl who was unable to make it has her own house with her fiance. The two that live together at first was joking that she could move in and be their cook etc. But as the host kept mentioning it, she became more serious. Meaning that is was what she actually wanted.

My two best friends are guys. I don’t have a proper girl best friend. This is what I’ve been wanting for many years. I was hoping the girls night tomorrow could be the start of making a closer friendship bone to the other girls in the group.

I don’t think I’ll have much of an issue with the girl who was unable to come tomorrow. We’ve already made plans for a meetup. It’s the other two or at least the host that will be a question mark.

The third girl I haven’t had any contact with about girls night so I’ve no idea where we stand.

I guess I feel lonely on some level. I have people around me but I don’t feel any true connection with all.

To be honest, right now, I only feel a proper connection with one in my circle.




I’m an Aunty again. This afternoon my step sister brought into this world, my third niece.

I have a card and present waiting. I was all warm inside and smiley. I still am.


It hit me that I hardly see my sister. Only when it is a gathering occasion. We don’t have the relationship most sisters have.

I guess that is due to becoming sisters towards your mid-twenties, not having lived together and having your own separate lives.

It would be nice to have a proper sisterly bond. Never know maybe in the future.

It is something I would like with all my step siblings. My thinking is three out of four ain’t bad. Our bonds may change in the future.

Back to the reason, I put pen to paper tonight.

Welcome, little one. The world is yours. So many happy times ahead. Big love to you, your mummy and your brother. Love your Aunty.


A Shadow

I had a new starter shadowing me today. When I got told this morning. My reaction: O God!

When I meet new staff I always hope they are good workers. Otherwise, it makes the job twice as hard.

But I was in luck. She was a natural. For someone who has never worked in my industry before she was a god send. Here’s hoping she keeps it up.

I’ve felt good today. Not as productive in my breaks as I could have been. Yoga, hair, washing, one proper meal and a sing/dance along to my iPod. That was great. Otherwise, I just had a Greys Anatomy marathon.

If it wasn’t for my headache and the time, I’d continue watching it. So moreish. Why I didn’t watch it sooner I’ve no idea.

An update on Fridays meal: he has some ideas! A day closer to seeing what he picks.

Anyway, my bed is calling. Goodnight.


Goal Storming

I’ve been looking into my big dreams and goals. What do I want most out of life? I must know to some degree what I want out of life, right?

Then why does my head go blank each time I think of them? It’s taken me a week but I have six big dreams and four goal declarations.

These are:

Six Big Dreams:

  1. Welcoming, warm home where I am comforted and host friends and family
  2. Live a personally, healthy lifestyle. Mind Body and Soul. Eat well. Be active. Honour my body. Healthy boundaries and relationships.
  3. Travel the world. Make it part of our lifestyle. Learn the culture, language and enjoy the time away.
  4. Make a difference in peoples lives. Help them be independent, complete a goal/dream of theirs, to make them smile each and every day.
  5. Make a difference to the animals in this world. Help them find new homes. Protect their habitats. Be vegan/vegetarian full time. Love all I come across.
  6. Have a deep and playful connection with myself. Meditate. Me time. Breathe. Check in with myself. Feel all. Journal. Move my body. Smile. Do what makes me happy.

Four Declaration Goals:

  1. Exercise at least 4x a week – Timeframe: within three months
  2. Develop a daily journaling practice – Timeframe: within six months
  3. Research where I want to travel – Timeframe: within three months
  4. Research how to help others – Timeframe: within six months


My journalling habit started yesterday. Day two today. Going well so far. Don’t you think?

I’ve asked a friend for a journal for my birthday. It’ll make a change to the refill notepad I’m currently writing in. Plus I feel if someone has bought me a nice looking journal for such a purpose. I’ll feel the need to do so.

Fingers crossed to developing the habit.

On a relationship note. I told my fiance he’s cooking on Friday. With the rules:

  • No takeaways
  • No restaurants
  • No pizza
  • No help from me
  • No help from and especially from his mum!!!

We’ve been together two and half years. In this time I remember him trying to cook but his mum practically taking over. Other times he just shrugged and said we’ll eat out.

Am I wrong to want more from my other half?

Surely having a meal cooked for you, where you don’t have to lift a finger or even have to ask is a lot to ask for?

Shall we see what Friday brings?

Off to hide behind a cushion. Goodnight.


I’m Not Good with Titles

Today has been a good day. A productive day. I only had a few moments where my mind wandered away from me.

A jump start. Quite literally, by the alarm clock turning on to a Nickleback song. Not exactly a gentle wake up.

Had a walk with a customer. My job will pop up now and again. But for now, it’s not relevant. According to my phone, I’ve done 4837 steps. But my phone isn’t always on me.

Once my first shift was done, I was determined to do some yoga.

Did it happen?



The living room, well most of downstairs, was in disarray. My mum was going to do some painting. I offered to help. A form of procrastinating. Mileage calculations piling up. Ahh well, it can be done another time.

For a decent size/length living room wall, 3 coats were needed. 1 1/2 done by me. My limitation; my arm. Boy did it hurt. I did 1/2 the wall of the first coat. After that my thumb couldn’t press a button to send a message. The other coat I did was done in stages between mum and me.

I did do a weeks worth of mileage in the end. But still, many more to go. I also made a meal, a veggie one. Still snacked a bit today. Drunk two goes of my drinking bottle.

The second shift went well. Did worry a colleague didn’t go to a customer. She clearly didn’t need to go there. My mind making something of nothing.

Had a good imagining of me and my fiance looking at houses. A bad one of him coming home drunk regularly. Better than previous ones I’ve had.

Well, thats my time to clock out. Let’s see how long it takes me to get to sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams. Over and out.