Life, Writing

First Wedding Fayre

Even with technology declining around me, I had an exciting day. Dave and I went to our first wedding fayre. Dave proposed in Barcelona, a year and a half ago. Before we do get married we want to be in our own place. My aim for Christmas 2019 is to have a family meal at our place.

Then we can plan our wedding. I’ve had ideas of what I’d like out of our wedding but didn’t wanna get excited as it’s gonna be a few years before we say our ‘I Dos’. One venue idea I like, always curious when driving past when working, was holding a wedding fayre.

I asked Dave if he’d go and off we went. I love it. Seeing the different ideas and businesses I couldn’t dream of was great. Seeing the venue helped to make it a possible choice.

As a popular question at the fayre, ‘when and where are you getting married’, we weren’t able to answer. We got onto discussing it and came up with 2 possible years but were undecided on the month. We’re thinking possible April or May but then decided on a year.

In 3 years time in 2021 we will be getting married. It gives us 3 years of steady planning and figuring out what we want. In 3 years time, we should have been living together for at least 2 years.

It has that natural flow. Having that excitement, positive feeling that it’s time to start thinking about our wedding.


A mini phone update: After 3 weeks of waiting, I received my proof of purchase from the phone company. Tomorrow I can post my phone off to the support place. See what they have to say.

A mini iPod update: I have a scheduled call with a support member tomorrow to see their take on my iPod.

Life, Mental Health, Writing

Technology + Me = Disagreement

Technology and I are clearly having a disagreement for 2018. January saw my mobile stuck in recovery mode. Thankfully, in warranty, but still waiting for my proof of purchase.

This morning brings me to my iPod. It was working fine one minute. The next will not turn on or even charge.

Right now I feel I don’t wanna even touch any form of technology. Only one purchase of mine is insured. The lesson I’m getting is to keep receipts and take out insurance.

Life, Travel, Writing

York

When going out, spending the time to enjoy myself, I can get into my head. Meaning I’m not fully in the moment, enjoying myself. I get anxiety, believing thoughts that aren’t true.

On our day trip to York today, reflecting back I was more present. I was in the now more. I enjoyed myself. I had thoughts. I controlled them. The thoughts I did need to action I did when necessary, with a calmness.

York is lovely. Each time there’s something new to discover. There are parts of York that are still a mystery to me. Dave and I had one item on our agenda that I really wanted to do. The rest we went where the day took us.

We started with the place I really wanted to visit. Easingwold, north side of York. This place I had never heard of until yesterday. If it wasn’t for Capitol Breakfast I wouldn’t have known it existed.

I am talking about the Yorkshire Puzzle Store. Yep, my idea of heaven. One place housing over 1200 Jigsaw Puzzles. Thanks to Valentines Day, Dave had an excuse to buy one for me. His decision, not mine. But I’m happy with a new puzzle being added to my collection.

We headed for the centre of York. Here we found a bus doing a VR experience of Tim Peake and his trip to space. Giving a free sample of what can be seen at the Railway Museum until March. We really enjoyed it. Not sure how exactly but I ended up seeing the full VR experience that’s being shown at the museum.

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I don’t know the fee price but it was a great experience for me. I’ve never used VR technology before with just my eyes.

Afterwards, we explored some of the centres. Wondering in and out of shops we felt like going in. 2 and 1/2 hours later we decided to head back home. Where we decided last minute to have a look at the York Designer Outlet.

When I was home, I realised my funk was gone and I generally enjoyed myself. I wanna continue having experiences and being present in the now.


Watched: Demolition > 3 out of 5
Escape Room > 1/2 out of 5

Goals, Health, Life, Mental Health

A Change for my Self-Care

This week has been a long one for me. I’ve worked all week. I’ve been in my funk. I’m so tired. I feel my body is shutting down on me. For a while, I’ve thought about changing my availability at work again. I’ve been holding it off.

After talking with Dave, I’ve changed my availability form. I’ve done it so 2 days a week I finish at 5pm. Along with my 2pm finish on a Friday and 2pm start on a Saturday on my weekends on. I’ll have 3 evenings and 1 morning a week for myself to be able to have some down time.

Feeling this way made me not want to socialise and just get into bed. But I still went and I’m glad I did. Good food, company and an alright film,. Feeling this way makes me grateful for my annual leave coming up.


Watched: 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown > 3.5 out of 5

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Control and Beliefs

I had my last therapy session. My 6 sessions. Not an intense form like I’m sure others can be. We mainly talked. We had 6 x 50-minute conversations about my weeks. life and experiences.

I could have had a focus on a certain topic but I didn’t know what I wanted to focus on. At the end, we came to the conclusion that there was a theme around what was discussed; control and my beliefs.

I felt having the conversations helped me see parts of my life differently. I’m not cured by any means. Can you be cured of mental health issues? I know I believe I can find my path and gain understanding to how to cope, process and learn about my mental health.

I don’t necessarily believe I can be cured. If I was cured I wouldn’t be able to have a second relapse. But I’ve had family members/friends who’ve had cancer; been recovered from all traces of cancer to come back. Majority of the time worse than before.

In no way am I trying to demean mental health or cancer. I believe these are both concerns that have limitations and successes in their own right. I know and have seen first and second hand what health issues can do to people. I don’t have a full understanding of any to advice, question or debate on.

A part of what I’m taking from my sessions is that I can’t and don’t have control of aspects of my life. I believed I did. I need to relinquish control. I need to believe in myself.

If I wanna live a life of honesty, integrity, adventure, simplicity, laughter, healthier, balance, love, joy, acceptance. I need to live my life this way. Be 100% me. I need to do things in life for me, that resonates with me and that I believe in.

If I don’t I won’t be living the authentic life I want. I can’t people everyone. I need to get out of that belief that I do. People who like me, I want them to like me for me. Not who they think I am. I want people to like my work; my writing, videos, the things I do, because they believe in what I’m saying and doing.

Have a positive community around me. I don’t want to give the negativity anymore of my time.

You with me?

 

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Procrastination

I had some winding down time this evening. I still had a plan in mind for my relaxation. The fact that I had a plan does that make it a relaxing evening? Probably not for my mind. That clearly is something I need to work on.

I watched today’s FB live and I posted my Jigsaw Metaphor in the coaching group page. I did start watching the YCY (Your Courageous Year) webinar but I wasn’t feeling it at the time.

From a point made in the coaching FB live about procrastination, I accepted my feeling of needing to turn the webinar off. The point made that helped me to see my action this way is some procrastination is good if the activity isn’t right at the time. I am paraphrasing slightly.

By saying this, I don’t mean it’s acceptable to stop or pause all activities that give me that feeling. The feeling is trying to tell me something I haven’t yet understood. Working out the meaning and using the feeling to benefit me in some way, is how I wanna use it.

I don’t wanna revert back to bad procrastination of putting this off. Avoiding until I’m overwhelmed. I’m the one letting my actions have a negative effect on me and the outcomes in my life. I’m the one who can change these into the positive, to benefit me and the life I lead.

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Writing

The Insights Keep Coming

There was a time when I would get frustrated, start rushing things when a call out for work I was on ran over time. Now, I can tell my mindset is changing, continuing to grow in the right direction.

I had thoughts but I let them pass through, allowing me to get on with what I needed to do to help my lady get comfortable again, mind and body. My 1/2 hour call ended up being 1 hour and 25 minutes. The extra time I’m not getting paid for. This also got to me.

But last night regardless of these things, I was making a difference to my lady. She was embarrassed, upset, angry at herself and the situation she was in. But thankful and grateful for what my other carer and I did and the patience we showed.

That moment right there is the reason I want to help others, make a difference. To see the change from bad to good in the person and/or situation. I am on the right path.