9 am on Tuesday. I’ll be meeting my manager to discuss my potential job opportunity.
I had more of an interest today. Like I didn’t have to think. Maybe because I was in my comfort zone. I even won a free game of mini golf.
We saw War of the Planet of the Apes. When I go see films that have animals in, I feel torn. I don’t know how to feel. I know no animals were actually hurt but I’m seeing animals get hurt. It disheartens me. I did enjoy the film. Made me laugh and cry. I really loved the relationship between the girl and the apes.
It was when I got to my other half’s place that I began to feel different again. That I was there but I wasn’t. We went for a walk. That just gave me a headache and twice this evening I felt sick.
But even with the disinterest. I satisfied my other half needs. I still feel there’s something wrong with me.
Day 2 of annual leave. Roll on day 3.
Good morning all.
First of all Happy Birthday to my stubben, fluffy butt of a dog. Gorgeous in every way.
Secondly, I wanted to write early today because I read an email sent from my manager last night about me furthering my job role. Having one day of the week in the office doing reviews and assessments. I’ve only been there nine months and I’ve potentially got a little promotion.
I’m excited but also nervous. I’m on annual leave at the moment so I sent a little email back saying I was interested and can we talk further about the role when I’m back. Let’s see what happens.
Time to do the day. Talk later.
I felt a little disinterested at times today. I’ve gone out and done some things on my outing list. Being a tourist in my own country is something I want to be interested in. I don’t even know why I felt that way. I’m out doing something I want to do and I’m not fully there.
I can’t wrap my head around it.
I went to Nunnington Hall. Saw the most beautiful Peacock. I’ve not been lucky enough to see them with their tails fully spread out.
Then off to York; to the Jorvik centre and the Harry Potter shop. The Jorvik centre took forty minutes to get inside! Then spent less time inside the place. This didn’t help my thinking.
But then to the Harry Potter shop. I didn’t have to wait as long this time. It was good seeing all the Harry Potter merchandise, that I haven’t seen before.
Maybe it’s history that’s not for me. But it’s what I’ve grown up around. Going to stately homes or old ruins.
I did have an achievement today. It may not be one for you reading this, but for those who know me, this is huge… I drove home from York without the SatNav.
After dinner, it was cinema time. I enjoy going to the cinema. It was a shame about the film though. Sorry not sorry to all Marvel/Spiderman fans out there but I only found it watchable.
Towards bedtime, I felt disconnected with my partner. I love when he massages me/caresses my skin. But when I did something I didn’t like because it made me tense rather than relax. He stopped everything. ‘Just giving my arm a rest’ he said.
It maybe true but it made me feel disheartened. I’m sure there’s something wrong with me deep down. I don’t like or find I can’t relax or find painful that should be enjoyable to everyone.
I don’t know the answer. But something has to be done.
I need lightness, not darkness,
I need love, not hatred,
I need happiness, not sadness,
I need to feel, all that’s around me,
the sun on my face,
the wind in my hair,
the rain on my body,
your touch on my skin,
I need the fire to burn inside me,
I need the fog to lift,
I need to smile,
I need to mean it,
I need to be myself again.
Tired and drained again. My own fault. I’m not complaining. Just giving my status.
We were sent a survey from work yesterday asking us to respond to questions about our job. Well, today I completed it. I think it’s been the first time I’ve been honest with my responses at the time of answering. Even the question ‘Would I recommend us to a friend?’.
I have a feeling I may get a phone call back at some point. I believe the director knows who gives the answers.
Today was also the day I set up my blog; My Mind Medicine. You may be reading this and think ‘I’ve already read previous posts’. This is due to the fact I write in a journal first at my own leisure. So, in reality, this post is two weeks behind the day I actually wrote it.
I had doubts against myself and the blog after a few hours of setting it up. I suppose I doubt myself regularly about most things. But this is writing to the world. Anyone can read it. Even though I know, no one knows who is behind the words. I’m not confident enough about getting my writing out there.
I would like to get the blog going in order to help me and my mind. Hopefully building up my confidence along the way. I’m not expecting big achievements or milestones. Just honesty with myself and the words I write.
Last, of all today, brings the start of six glorious days off. Let’s see what I can get up to.
I haven’t done a proper review of a month before. So bare with me. I want to get into the habit of regular reviews in order for me to take accountability and know where I need to focus the next month.
I think I want to do it in section; break it up a little to help me understand all the goals I place on myself.
I’m doing very well so far. I’m journaling daily. Whether it’s something on my mind about my day or what I’ve been inspired by. When I write I come up with goals within the moment.
- Relax in the bath > I haven’t even started with this one. To begin with, I don’t have a bath in my parents household. It’s a shower only bathroom. May have to use the bath at my in-laws.
- Think of a blog name > Well I can tick this one off. √ My Mind Medicine
- Relaxation Techniques > I have started this one. Tried two from my module yesterday. A post on these will be published in the up-coming weeks
I will talk about this in more detail when it comes to Holiday Council season. For now, here is a link for you.
At a Glance Calendar
- Date night √
- Call/visit my dad and grandma √
- Long weekend off work √
- Birthday √
- Baby shower √
- Yoga > 12 times √
- 100 √
My at a Glance calendar has been successful this month. All have been ticked off. Some of these topics will be published within the upcoming weeks.
The Year Ahead
I think I have been incorporating Cherish into my life. Spending time with friends and family as much as I can. But due to the fog in my mind, I could be doing this better by putting it in my own love of things and mindset.
- Family and Friends > √ I’m giving this a tick for this month. Seen all my family apart from my big brother and kids and my middle sister and kids. The rest I have seen. Some on multiple occasions. Due to a number of birthdays this month, I have seen friends weekly. My other half I feel I need to cherish more. Although we do spend time together and had a long weekend off, I need to get my mind back to positive and lift the fog.
- Emotionally, physically and financially healthy > I believe I’m on the right path for these. I’m being honest with myself and those around me about my feelings. Talking with my other half. Having referred myself to Rightsteps. Starting the positive steps course on Friday. Physically I feel like shit. I have had my second blood test for my Vitamin D. I haven’t heard anything to assume my levels are back to normal. But yesterday I booked another doctor appointment to see what they can do about me still feeling shit. I also booked in with a sexual health clinic to help that side of things. Financially, we’ve been able to save a good amount up to now. More than the 100 a month that’s on my At a Glance Calendar.
- Build up my Career > As you’ll find out tomorrow on my daily post. I’ve been offered the opportunity to review and update care plans/system. Hopefully, this will build up my career for any other future opportunities.
The Joy Equation
This one I do talk about in a future post. But again here is the link. I’ll just do the goal declarations this month.
- Research, where I want to travel > Have not started.
- Research, how to help others > I do help people daily in my job. I do want to see if there is more I could do. In a way, I haven’t started this either.
- Develop a daily journal practice > Woo, I have started this one. Although, I don’t want to tick this one off just yet. I want to make sure I have the habit locked down.
- Exercise at least four times a week > Yoga 12 times this month. Plus there are walks I do that I don’t mark down. Maybe I should? Looking at what my phone has logged. I hit over 10,000 steps for one day of July. Coming close on a couple of others. Averaging 3673 steps per day. Total steps of 110,192 steps for the month. I think that’s amazing. Just think what it could come to if I have my phone on my all the time.
So there you have it a review of July. How did your July go?
I didn’t sleep well last night. I had three full hours then woke feeling like I needed to be sick. Luckily I haven’t but the feeling is coming and going. Sickness, leading to a busy day. Plus people calling in sick. Least I was able to pick up an hour and 1/4 over today and tomorrow.
Here’s hoping to top up my wage. By not a lot but ‘every little helps’ said by Tesco.
I had a little bit of time to sort my presents out. And so far I’ve done well to put them to good use. It may take some a while. Possibly until I have a house of my own. But here’s hoping for a shorter wait.
I even got my wedding fund piggy bank out. I do love a pig.
I still feel slightly sick writing this. Plus I have a headache. And instead of writing this and going to bed. What do I do? Look at potential blog themes and try to start setting one up. But the name changed all plans. The name I’d thought of, naturally, someone else had thought of it too. A few many someones.
I tried combinations. Plus changing of the name. But I thought ‘Stop.’ Do not just make a site for the sake of making one. Get to pen and paper and think of names beforehand.
Goal: Think of a Blog Name
Wow, two goals thought of in two days. I’m on a roll. Anyway, I best hop to and get sorted to bed. Another long day tomorrow. I’m not gonna feel better staying up all night.
Sweet dreams all.