Life, Writing

We’ve spent the day finishing painting the kitchen. Well, it’s not 100% finished. It’s about 90%.

Spending this time painting its effecting parts of my body; my shoulders ached and my fingers went numb. While writing now, my arm feels heavy and painful. It’s like my body is telling me off. My lack of exercise is making things I want and need to do hard for me.

Thankfully, I’ve taken ‘Get a Massage’ from my Get In Touch With My Body list, and Dave has agreed to give me a massage where I am aching. I’ve had massages from a professional before but right now this isn’t something I can consider.

Having Dave do them I’m also working on our connection. I don’t think it’ll hurt with working on our bedroom pleasure as well as my sensual pleasure. We’re still a long way off. I’m proud of myself for working on things, usually, I put things off. Small Steps Ahead.


Watched: Dumpling > 4 out of 5
Bird Box > 3.5 out of 5

Life

‘Words can Hurt’

My friend and I painted the undercoat for the kitchen. It took us 4 hours to complete the whole 9 foot high walls and ceilings. I was proud of what we had done.

But that was overshadowed of feeling put down by my mum when I got home. The simple words of ‘is that it’ hurt me.

Getting shot down by what I’ve done as its not good enough for someone else. I get excited by buying something for the house and it’s not the priority.

When Dave said he missed the bus home I said I’d come to get him. I felt safe to cry in the car. On the way back he didn’t ask me what was wrong. He didn’t ask until we were home when I’m guessing he noticed something was wrong. He quickly redeemed himself by saying the right things and giving me hugs.

Words can hurt, more so when said a certain way.

Life

‘No Bad Energy’

My time as community care worker has now come to an end. A chapter of my life is closing, ready for a new one to start. Leading to new adventures ahead.

I feel today was a good day. I’ve no bad energy about it. I woke very early, at twenty to 5. After 20 minutes I gave up trying to fight my wife awakeness. I got up, scheduled some posts and created a new page; here I’ve put my yearly theme and goals together.

After I did my last hour of work, I got some washing done and started mileage. I finally after a week, walked the dogs, which meant I ticked off all 3 of my small action goals. I think an idea for me would be do choose 1 or 2 steps towards my quarterly goals to do each week to get me in the habit to mindfully achieve them.

I spent most of the day watching telly I had this on while doing the mileage. I find it a boring endless task, that needs doing. So I was trying to do it alongside something I enjoyed to make it more manageable. It does make it easier to do, I just don’t do it for long.

I’ve a plan for tomorrow; to paint the kitchen undercoat, measure the wall for the mantel shelf and start taking the cellar ceiling down. That’s 3 steps to make our house a home. I have to work on doing them in a day not taking a week to do it.

Life

A New Job Chapter Ahead

Tomorrow I have my last call in my community care worker position. Just having one call, makes today feel like it’s my last day. I am over the moon. It’s just over 2 years I’ve been in this job. It’s had its good times but the frustrations of it caused them to be over shadowed.

In 11 days time I’ll start my new adventure. My aim for the break in between is to get shit done and rest some.

Events, Family, Life

Christmas 2018

Christmas for 2018, I’ve felt good as a time with my family. I’m glad I was able to have spend time with my family.

Dave and I alternate the years we spend with our family over the holidays. To make things fair and not favouring one or the other.

This year I’m glad it was my family. More to the point it might be the last one where we may have my Grandma around the table. Due to her Alzheimer’s and her decline in physical capabilities, both my mum and I feel that she won’t be capable of doing what’s she’s done today.

It’s hard to think that way but as it’s something we’re seeing happening to my Grandma on a daily basis we’re having to prepare ourselves and try working with my grandad to get the support needed. Unfortunately, my grandad isn’t taking everything well. It is understandable. We’re being there for as much as we can. This denial and how much change is needed is effecting them both.

No matter what we say it’s going onto deaf ears. There’s gonna be some shocks and bad times ahead. But no matter what, I have to take care of myself and strive to BLOOM BRIGHTLY.

Goals, Life

‘Body Love is a Choice’

Self-love, body love, is a choice. It’s my journey to move forward. I’ve made the conscious decision to start searching for the love for myself and not hate. Healing between myself and my inner critic has begun. There is space being freed up so I can truly listen to myself and what I want.

Practicing gratitude is a way to help me do this. To help reduce the negative emotions, the resentment, frustration and anxiety in me.

Today I am thankful to my family around me for the holidays, to be able to spend the time with each in turn.


Watched: Blockers > 3.5 out of 5

Braven > 2.5 out of 5