Dedication for Volunteering

For someone who thought she had a fever of driving in snow, I did very well to get 50 minutes away to the animal shelter to volunteer. The roads themselves weren’t an issue so that was good. It was the fields that the large animals lived in that were deep.

We had to shovel snow to get through and climb over fences. Buckets of water were needed instead of their normal water fillers and give as much food and fresh bedding as was possible.

It was cold, my fingers were numb, it was difficult but I hadn’t cancelled in the past 6 years of going, I didn’t wanna start now.

This afternoon was baking time. I made a lot of food. Friends came round for games. A last together in the current house. I enjoyed myself and everyone seemed to like the food.

I tried 2 new games, Zombie Flux which I like and Boss Monsters which I don’t understand.

I’m looking forward to sleeping in, in the morning.

Animal Lover

Working with animals for a living might not be my path. I love animals. I’m glad I haven’t lost that love. I still want animals around me.

Volunteering this morning helped me see that. Beng able to hug sheep, pigs and guinea pigs, lifted my spirits up for the rest of the day.

I was able to handle the dentist a little more too.

Watched: An Eskimo Tale > 3 out of 5
Ghost in the Shell (2017) > 3.5 out of 5

One of my Paths so Far

Next week will be my last therapy session. These 5 weeks have flown by. No doubt the next week will do the same. I’m glad I’ve attended the sessions. It’s given me the awareness that having a conversation does help.

Neither I or the counsellor went into the room with an agenda. Conversation flowed, obviously the topic was me.

In tonight’s session, we got onto me finding a sense of purpose and satisfaction in my job, the nature of my job anyway. That it’s my first time feeling like this is what I wanna do with my life. We spoke about why I didn’t feel this way about my other jobs or career routes.

Growing up, like any other kid I imagine has: I wanna be…. when I get older. I believe mine were: dancer or a vet. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was good at ICT, so I went down that route. I got into my third month at university, I withdrew myself. I was bored.

I’ve always had a love for animals, so I started volunteering around paid work. After a while, I decided I’d like to work with animals. I applied for an Animal Management and Welfare degree. I got in.

Got working at kennels, volunteered when I could. Past first year. Did my placement year, all still while working. Around this time my mental health declined. The first time I was affected. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t understand myself. Saw doctors, had telephone counselling, getting towards my final year at university.

I was beginning to get excited again. I also was having this unsettling feeling I couldn’t explain. I just ignored it and carried on. At Christmas, in my final year, I withdrew myself. I left with a Higher Certificate of Education in the degree topic and experience, working with different kinds of animals.

I just wanted to work and get my mental health back. Still working at the kennels. Still had unsettled days. A point came where I believed I needed to take the next step in my career. I got a job within a veterinary practice as a Trainee Veterinary Nurse.

I was nervous. Always. I was terrified. I was emotional. I couldn’t stay in a couple of surgeries. I had to walk out, have a sit-down. Otherwise, they’d have to clean me off the floor too.

That unsettled feeling was telling me that this isn’t it. This isn’t what I should be doing. I felt a failure. I love animals. I wanna make a difference to them. A part of me felt that if I carried on I’d lose that love for them I’ve had my whole life.

I basically took the first thing I could find job wise and ran. Into pretty much a job that wasn’t a job.

It’s been a year and nearly a half since then. I’ve been beating myself up about it periodically since. Everyone plus myself knew the animal path was for me. That was where I was supposed to be.

I’m sure if I knew now, then, I wouldn’t have beaten myself up about it. I would have been able to tell my loved ones how I felt.

Talking about this in today’s session got me to realise I’m in the right place now. Helping people is what I wanna do. Make a difference to others. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my love for animals. Far from it. I still love animals. I still volunteer at the same place I started out at after my first university withdrawal.

I get to help and be around animals on my terms.

Having this conversation has led me to the path of forgiving myself. That I didn’t run away at that point in my life. I just wasn’t on the right path.

Watched: Atlantis: The Lost Empire > 3 out of 5

That Responsible Adult Feeling

I feel like a responsible adult tonight. Yesterday, I stopped doggie sitting my two for my parents. I’m now at my in-laws’ doggie sitting their two. It happens to be my weekend to work. Dave worked today too.

It is also the Halloween night out in town. Due to my working hours, my chance to go out wasn’t in the cards. Due to Dave working today as well, he would have missed it to look after the dogs. Seeing as they were at home alone while we were working.

So that Dave could go out and the dogs would still have some company. I decided to stay over at my in-laws’ tonight. When on a normal weekend to work I wouldn’t have done. After dropping some off into town. I’m back with some doggies due to go to sleep.

I do feel wide awake and up for going out. But when my alarm goes off I won’t be thinking that or thanking myself.

To all that had enjoyed celebrating Halloween. Did you dress up? What as?

My Worst Fear

I’ve had an amazing day. I say amazing, it’s been a very good one. Very productive. I completed my e-learning Safeguarding CPD. I was well impressed.

Then an hour ago, I saw something out the corner of my eye. I thought “Nope, I didn’t see anything.”

Just a trick of the light in my eye.

Boy, was I wrong.

I couldn’t stop checking the area I thought I saw something. Then five minutes later it zoomed past again.

I froze. Stopped breathing. Chest started to tighten. I began breathing heavy.

Then it scurried past again.

I unfroze.

Went downstairs “There’s a spider in my room. There’s a spider in my room.”

I’m tense. Hands clammy. Chest hurting. Breathing fast.

Thankfully my mum has had practice removing spiders from my rooms.

My Mr fluff ball came up with mum. He laid on my bed. He let me stroke him but not cuddle or kiss him. Which he usually does.

It was like he was saying no. No cuddles until you calm down. He was waving and kicking his legs. Growled at me until I was breathing normally. Then he let me pick him up and have a cuddle.

That’s what I get for cleaning my room.

Let’s hope no more surface. If they can wait until Tuesday afternoon. As from tomorrow morning, I’m gonna be home alone with the pups. I don’t wanna be panicking when I get scared as it is.

Right. Stop thinking about it. Nothings gonna happen. All will be ok.

Trip to the Vets

I first woke to feel uplifted. I thought “No, I’m not gonna get back into bed. I’m gonna do something.”

I wrote up a couple of my blog posts and read a few I follow. After just under an hour, I could feel my energy decline. I got back into bed and woke my other half up. He got up but it took a while to get me up. Bless him, he kept at it until I did get up.

Even brought in a dog for me to cuddle. In the end, I’m glad he did. I had a missed call from my mum. She wanted me to come home to take my eldest fluff ball to the vets. She wasn’t weight bearing on her back leg.

Being a bank holiday Sunday was helpful. Had to make an extra long trip to the emergency vets. But all worth it for her little cuteness.




The vet told us that her Patella is moving too much. Surgery would be the only thing to correct it. She gave us an anti-inflammatory for now. For us to ring our normal vets when open, to discuss ongoing treatment.

I felt like it’s one thing after another. Not all bad today though. Had a lovely meal with the in-laws. My eyes are watering through writing this. I’m gonna put it down to a long day.

Yorkshire Wildlife Park

Had a good day today. Decided to take a trip to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park. Packed a picnic, which was nice. Helped save us a little money. Most importantly, I began to enjoy myself in the day.

Yorkshire Wildlife Park is an animal park that I’m happy to go to. I use to work there some years ago one summer. After this time, it has changed very much. To the better. It gives space the animals needs to live their lives in captivity.

Having animals in captivity is another topic for me altogether. But I won’t go into that. Maybe another day.

If you live near the Yorkshire Wildlife Park then I would recommend going for the day. I took photos of the animals. Which you can see below. This one is my favourite:

The Wallaby having its lunch. Enjoy the rest of the photos. Spot the polar bears.