Life, Writing

R.I.P Dear Fish

Not a nice topic to write about tonight. It’s my reality and I need to get this out to help me stop turning it around in my head all night.

I’m not a fish person but I’d do anything, within my power, to look after them. So far, I’ve done everything asked of me.

When I woke this morning, I didn’t believe that I came down to spot a dead fish. Even though I’m not a fish lover, I don’t want to be the one to kill them or break the news to their owner but its what I’ve done.

We believe the fish to die was unwell went it arrived. As the other fish have eaten some of him/her, they are potentially getting sick too.

When I got home from work, I found another dead. I was eventually was able to remove them from the tank and with instructions from the owner to carry out a water change plus treatment. I was worried the others would die as they were losing colour.

I’m gonna carry on to help as much as I can till the owner gets back. I wouldn’t want to come back off holiday to find my pets no longer with us.

Life, Writing

Looking After Fish + Car Up-Keep

I’ve never looked after fish before. Fish, although cute, are not my kind of pet. I have been fascinated with trying to find the baby fish that have been born. You may guess that I don’t have fish. But my parents do.

They’re going away for a week. The dogs, no problem. The axolotl, I’ve got used to. The fish are new ones; feed twice a day and keep the tank cool in this crazy hot weather. It’ll be a learning experience.


Most of my day went without a hitch. Then at 5 past 4, my mum and step-dad came home to tell me my tyre was flat. I went to pump it up but after looking at it, there had what looked like a nail in it.

10 past 4, on a Saturday, I’m Googling car tyre places that are open. Only one I found online that was still open in my area. On my way, I saw an independent one still open. Arriving at 20 past 4, 10 minutes before they close, the tyre was unrepairable. It needed a new tyre.

After checking all my tyres, my front two were nearly illegal. I ended up having 4 new tyres all the way around, wheel alignment and tracking done. This was an hour and a half before I needed to be at my first customer.

Bless the gentleman, he did the job even though he was due to close. He saved me this evening. I only just made it to my 1st customer on time. I was happy with his work and also the price. I would definitely go there again.

While working, I noticed my oil light taking a few more seconds to turn off. Guess what’s on my to-do list tomorrow. As well as booking my car into the garage for its MOT. I think I need to learn more about the up-keep of my car. I’ve been driving for 10 years. I suppose I should start.

Books, Life, Writing

Volunteering Love + Frugal Spending

This morning was my volunteer morning at the animal shelter. Being there always confirms I wanna help animals.

More so today when I saw one of the newer sheep leave his hut for a wander around the field. Even just last month, since he arrived last year, he wouldn’t leave his hut.

It just warms my heart to see the difference in him.

Dave and I had a lovely afternoon/evening together. I even got to visit my local library; collecting books I had reserved to help me with my frugal research. I am already enjoying ‘The No Spend Year’ by Michelle McGagh.

Dave and I have agreed to overpay our mortgage slightly and have a meal planner to help reduce spending and wasting groceries. We haven’t come to talk about the actual budget for the weekly shop as yet. That’ll come in time.

I can’t wait to learn more about her journey of her no spending year.


Watched: Tomorrow Never Dies > 4 out of 5
The World is Not Enough > 3.5 out of 5

Life, Writing

Dedication for Volunteering

For someone who thought she had a fever of driving in snow, I did very well to get 50 minutes away to the animal shelter to volunteer. The roads themselves weren’t an issue so that was good. It was the fields that the large animals lived in that were deep.

We had to shovel snow to get through and climb over fences. Buckets of water were needed instead of their normal water fillers and give as much food and fresh bedding as was possible.

It was cold, my fingers were numb, it was difficult but I hadn’t cancelled in the past 6 years of going, I didn’t wanna start now.


This afternoon was baking time. I made a lot of food. Friends came round for games. A last together in the current house. I enjoyed myself and everyone seemed to like the food.

I tried 2 new games, Zombie Flux which I like and Boss Monsters which I don’t understand.

I’m looking forward to sleeping in, in the morning.

Life, Writing

Animal Lover

Working with animals for a living might not be my path. I love animals. I’m glad I haven’t lost that love. I still want animals around me.

Volunteering this morning helped me see that. Beng able to hug sheep, pigs and guinea pigs, lifted my spirits up for the rest of the day.

I was able to handle the dentist a little more too.


Watched: An Eskimo Tale > 3 out of 5
Ghost in the Shell (2017) > 3.5 out of 5

Anxiety, Career, Depression, Life, Mental Health, Writing

One of my Paths so Far

Next week will be my last therapy session. These 5 weeks have flown by. No doubt the next week will do the same. I’m glad I’ve attended the sessions. It’s given me the awareness that having a conversation does help.

Neither I or the counsellor went into the room with an agenda. Conversation flowed, obviously the topic was me.

In tonight’s session, we got onto me finding a sense of purpose and satisfaction in my job, the nature of my job anyway. That it’s my first time feeling like this is what I wanna do with my life. We spoke about why I didn’t feel this way about my other jobs or career routes.

Growing up, like any other kid I imagine has: I wanna be…. when I get older. I believe mine were: dancer or a vet. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was good at ICT, so I went down that route. I got into my third month at university, I withdrew myself. I was bored.

I’ve always had a love for animals, so I started volunteering around paid work. After a while, I decided I’d like to work with animals. I applied for an Animal Management and Welfare degree. I got in.

Got working at kennels, volunteered when I could. Past first year. Did my placement year, all still while working. Around this time my mental health declined. The first time I was affected. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t understand myself. Saw doctors, had telephone counselling, getting towards my final year at university.

I was beginning to get excited again. I also was having this unsettling feeling I couldn’t explain. I just ignored it and carried on. At Christmas, in my final year, I withdrew myself. I left with a Higher Certificate of Education in the degree topic and experience, working with different kinds of animals.

I just wanted to work and get my mental health back. Still working at the kennels. Still had unsettled days. A point came where I believed I needed to take the next step in my career. I got a job within a veterinary practice as a Trainee Veterinary Nurse.

I was nervous. Always. I was terrified. I was emotional. I couldn’t stay in a couple of surgeries. I had to walk out, have a sit-down. Otherwise, they’d have to clean me off the floor too.

That unsettled feeling was telling me that this isn’t it. This isn’t what I should be doing. I felt a failure. I love animals. I wanna make a difference to them. A part of me felt that if I carried on I’d lose that love for them I’ve had my whole life.

I basically took the first thing I could find job wise and ran. Into pretty much a job that wasn’t a job.

It’s been a year and nearly a half since then. I’ve been beating myself up about it periodically since. Everyone plus myself knew the animal path was for me. That was where I was supposed to be.

I’m sure if I knew now, then, I wouldn’t have beaten myself up about it. I would have been able to tell my loved ones how I felt.

Talking about this in today’s session got me to realise I’m in the right place now. Helping people is what I wanna do. Make a difference to others. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my love for animals. Far from it. I still love animals. I still volunteer at the same place I started out at after my first university withdrawal.

I get to help and be around animals on my terms.

Having this conversation has led me to the path of forgiving myself. That I didn’t run away at that point in my life. I just wasn’t on the right path.


Watched: Atlantis: The Lost Empire > 3 out of 5

Family, Friendships, Life, Writing

That Responsible Adult Feeling

I feel like a responsible adult tonight. Yesterday, I stopped doggie sitting my two for my parents. I’m now at my in-laws’ doggie sitting their two. It happens to be my weekend to work. Dave worked today too.

It is also the Halloween night out in town. Due to my working hours, my chance to go out wasn’t in the cards. Due to Dave working today as well, he would have missed it to look after the dogs. Seeing as they were at home alone while we were working.

So that Dave could go out and the dogs would still have some company. I decided to stay over at my in-laws’ tonight. When on a normal weekend to work I wouldn’t have done. After dropping some off into town. I’m back with some doggies due to go to sleep.

I do feel wide awake and up for going out. But when my alarm goes off I won’t be thinking that or thanking myself.

To all that had enjoyed celebrating Halloween. Did you dress up? What as?