I’m in a Funk

I think I’m in a funk. Not sure how else to describe it. My parents say I’m fed up. I feel like I’m retreating a bit when it’s coming to my mood and mind. I’ve been having anxious dreams the last couple of nights.

I don’t have that burst of energy or positivity keeping me going right now. I’ve tried to still go about my day. I did some yoga, BSL and blog update. I’ve also been working throughout the day. I got to a point I couldn’t do any more goals today.

Instead, I watched some The Librarians; I’m now on Season 3. Again I’m hoping a good night sleep will do me good.

Family: A Big Part of Me

I got to spend some time with my family today. Brining cherish and joy into my life. Previously when the family have come round for dinner I’m off doing something else or stay in my room. I didn’t do that today.

My mum and I were able to have a mini shopping trip to the local retail centre. Spending mother/daughter time is not something we’re able to do as regular now. Busy lives and all that. Considering we live in the same house right now, I feel that is very poor.

After our time together, my grandparents came to dinner. Usually the time I go hide. But I stayed and became apart of the evening. Due to working this evening there were a few odd jobs I needed to do to get ready.

Other than that, and with my phone up in my room, I was with them until I left for work.

I need to do that more especially since I’ve missed my friends birthday celebrations due to working. I need to make the most of every opportunity I get to spend time with those I love. I can’t cherish and joy my life without them. They’re a big part of me.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. The topic of this weeks FB live in my Ultimate Coaching Programme (UCP) course. When listening through, it was mentioned that forgive and forget is the wrong way round. Forgetting means that you can forgive.

I understand that more. I can say I forgive something or someone. But forgetting is harder.

Mental health. The past. O let’s ruminate.

I’ve thought about times in my past. There are some I’ve forgotten/don’t have bad feelings for anymore. I had that feeling of lightness. That there’s one last thing to affect me.

I still have memories and bad feelings on some past events/moments/stories in my life. I suppose I may have consciously forgotten them but deep down they’re still there. They appear in dreams, daydreams or a sudden recall of memory.

Some memories or feelings take longer than others to forget. Knowing that I’m on the road to forgiveness is that sense of acceptance for my past.

I may have forgotten and forgiven but I know that certain events or people are not right in my life.

Changing Goals

I’ve had a look at a couple of my goals today:

  1. Relaxation Techniques
  2. Slow my breathing down to 10 breaths a minute

On my blackboard, I have these as Relaxation and Breathing. I stood there and looked at them. Saying the words to myself and thought; they’re just words!

I breathe daily. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I relax by watching telly, reading etc.

It occurred to me that these goals aren’t right for me. They need changing. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried a few calming/mindfulness/meditation apps. I found these helped with my breathing and relaxation. I’ve also got back into yoga a little. That helps me with my breathing. I feel relaxed afterwards.

After a little thought, I’ve come to find 2 new goals to replace the above, that resonate with me more:

  1. Develop a meditation practice
  2. Develop a yoga practice

I believe this gives me more of a guidance to allow me to work on them, step by step. Looking for my goals I do believe they connect with a couple others. I’ll have a think about those, see if I wanna make changes.


Watched: The hitman’s bodyguard > 4 out of 5

A Little Expense to be able to Communicate

It’s been 72 hours since my phone purchase receipt request. I was told it would be with me within 48 hours. As I still haven’t received it and the box has arrived from the manufacturer. I contacted the phone shop again.

This time I was told it should have been said that for a handset only receipt it’ll take at least 14 days. Wow, working that out it could be 3 and half weeks before I get an answer on my phone and get it back.

So, I’ve gone out an bought a cheap phone I can put my sim into. I can be in contact with friends and family and not feel so isolated. Plus with the nature of my job and me on the road. I’d feel better-having something with me to help in case of an emergency.

Borrowing the works mobile doesn’t allow me this. Now I’m gonna be able to hand works mobile back. Not have to worry about causing that to break. Which if I did they’ll take money from my wages.

February, well, 2018 has been an expensive one so far, I don’t wanna cause more outgoings then necessary. Certainly gonna work on reducing my spending.


Watched: Bright > 2.5 out of 5.

Little Boost from a Friend

Home photos were done. I was able to put back some of my things. It definitely feels good to have my mark in my room.

Today was also a day when one of my close friends read my blog for the first time. I plucked up the courage to tell him about my world here yesterday. Hearing him be positive about what I’ve written. He said that it helped him understand me a little more on my mental health.

He asked me if anyone else I personally knew had read it. To my knowledge only one other. G (my friend) said that my friend B should read it. I said I’d try and tell her when I next see her.

That stage fright settles in when thinking about it.

Both G and B are trusted friends. I feel if I don’t tell B soon, it may be harder for me to say in the future.

I’ve thought about sending a text. But I would rather talk to her face-to-face. Build my confidence up on talking about my blog to those I know.

Transition Period

I’ve set myself goals, ground rule and have big dreams. I’m finally getting to understand the mindset of “I can do everything, just not right now”.

I feel a sense of calmness with myself towards my goals the last couple of days. I’ve done small steps towards goals. I’ve worked, had family meals and had a little time out for myself. I feel this is the way I wanna continue.

I read recently that the period from setting your goal and getting into the habit in order to complete the goal is the transition period.

Just because telly, magazines or other outlets advertise “forming a habit in 30 days” doesn’t mean it’s the case. After 30 days and the habit hasn’t formed, this doesn’t mean you’ve failed or you should give up.

Everyone is different!!

Forming habits, even ones that are to help you complete that big dream goal, can be a transition period that suits you. If it takes you:

  • 6 months to work out 3 times a week
  • 1 year to sit down daily to write 500 words of your book

Whatever your goal is, the transition to the habit is yours and yours only. You control the time to form a habit. Do it your way.