Life, Writing

Writing ‘Antsy’ Away

It’s not long before I go to bed. I’ve had a mixture of relax and productive day around my working hours.

I feel antsy.

I feel like I need to be doing something. Occupy myself and mind. That what I have done today wasn’t enough. I’ve ticked off a couple of things from my to-do list. That’s right the to-do lists have been made. I have one for my blog, one for the house and then a general everyday one.

I’ve do e something on my goal of getting shit done – write a to-do list.

It may sound like nothing but it’s clearing my mind if the things I need to do running around in my head. It’s written down when I think of it, more so if I can’t do it right there and then.

When I have spare time I look at the list and do something I class as a priority in that moment.

I’ve a week since I made my Q4 goals. I feel I could get towards the end with a habit in tow. I’m glad I sat down to write. I don’t feel as antsy as I did do. A calm mind is needed for me to fall asleep.


Watched: Shutter Island > 3.5 out of 5

Goals, Life

‘Conflicting Emotions’

My mind and my heart run through conflicting emotions. I feel or think one thing one day, then the next it could be completely different. Sometimes it stays the same. I rarely fully understand what it is I want.

I’m going through life but not fully understanding. Does it mean I’m living to the fullest or not?

Hopefully by goals for Q4 of deep down journalling and getting shit done will allow that question to be answered.


Watched: Anon > 1 out of 5

Life, Mental Health, Writing

‘I can’t wait to be in my own house’

10:36 pm:

I get a message from Dave. It’ll be another house before he’s home. Is it best to go to his mums?

I panic and worry about my parents’ reactions. I hate this feeling and start crying my eyes out. How pathetic?

But that is how I feel. I hate that I do. That I have been made to feel scared to arrive home after a certain time. I really hate it. If we were living in our own place I wouldn’t feel this way. We’d be able to come and go as we please. No matter the time.

I sent a message to my mum to come upstairs. She found me crying my eyes out. Once I calmed, I told her about the message and that it’ll be later. I said I was being stupid. But I said the truth.

David is coming back here. Even at the later time. But I don’t feel that it’ll change how I feel about being, being made to feel like I have a curfew when I don’t. I’ve never had a curfew. It’s not that I stayed out late all the time. I was a good kid.

But I guess it is my take on other people words. My mum obviously told my step-dad and he came up to hug me and said there’s no need to cry. Even so, I still can’t wait to be in my own house.

Life, Writing

Will we be in by 1st December?

We’ve done some more to the house. Rooms are starting to form. They are becoming complete, slowly ready for the plasterer.

B helped me put the insulation in the internal stood walls for the bedrooms and bathroom. Ready so that we can put the plasterboards up. After a few hours, I got tired and fed up. I want the house to be done. I seem to be able to do some work in small doses before the novelty wears off.

My step-dad says we’ll be in for the 1st December. Will that happen?

Is there a countdown option on WordPress at all? Need to try and remember this date to see if we are in by that date.

Goals, Life

My Goal of Getting Shit Done

I feel worries that I’ll call back into the habit of not doing anything. Just watching telly all the time. That I’ll daily at Getting Shit Done.

This evening I got some shit done. Mileage! The bane of my life but if I want to claim back what I can be entitled to I need to but the evidence to the Government. When the cut off date for this year came I was no way meet completing. To the point I still haven’t.

Which also means I haven’t started this current years either. Mileage is just plain boring, but it’s something shit that I need to get done.

This evening I got back into it. I made check lists for last year’s claim and made a start. I checked one of the boxes off my list.

Then I took time to relax. I think that’s where I went wrong yesterday. My mind was still wired when I went to sleep and having to leg room to move made me frustrated. I did get to sleep but woke with my right arm numb, above my head. I must move about as I don’t go to sleep with my arm there.

With my worries, and my goal to Get Shit Done. I don’t want to be hard on myself or put myself down. What I did yesterday and this evening was great. I’ve done something to get closer to my end goal. Ultimately that is the aim of Getting Shit Done.

I should be proud of myself for that. No, wait! I am proud of myself for that. I am now going to read to help turn my mind off. Get myself to sleep easier tonight.

Life, Writing

Q3 Review 2018

It’s been a good no telly Tuesday. Productive. We bought insulation for the house and decided on the paints for all but 2 rooms.

It was the Q3 review call for the Holiday Council. To begin with I tried to do it while cooking and eating dinner. I was stop starting it and wasn’t getting much of the review done. Then my parents came home so I decided to try out my mum’s new home office.

Doing it this way I was more productive, I got my review done.


I feel like I’m not being me completely. I’m being lazy. I feel guilty for not doing things I feel I should have done. I feel I’m partially being the person I want to be for my family and friends.

In the last 3 months we’ve booked our wedding venue and photographer. We’ve bought a house and getting it renovated. I’ve started my BSL video series.

The thing I’m beginning to finally accept is that I’m overwhelming myself, then I don’t do anything but what telly. Then I start to comfort eat. I do start somethings but lose interest or motivation. No matter the time or money spent, I am being more deliberate with my yes and no when it comes to work.

I think I’m embodying easefulness more into the point of laziness. I’m not doing the things I need to do or have experiences. I’m not always present in the now. Fully enjoying myself.

What I’m craving is Getting Shit Done. Check lists or step by step of goals to achieve the big goals is my aim to help me achieve Getting Shit Done.


I started this evening after my review with the BSL video series. I’ve done more posts and I’ve been making a check list of what I need to do or come back to at a later date.

I like this idea so I’m gonna try this for my every day tasks and goals too. By doing this I hope that by the new quarter, which is in the New Year, that I’ll have done most of my back log of to-dos and courses I’ve signed up for.