I feel very disappointed in myself right now. I’ve talked about colleagues behind their backs with another.
Doing that has gone against the values I wanna live by. I used to be a gossip. A lot when I was growing up. I don’t wanna be that person again.
I wanna be honest, live with integrity and authenticity in all aspects of my life.
I’m ashamed of myself. I know I shouldn’t do it and I’ve no one else to blame but myself. It’s happened. I can’t take it back.
I need to be mindful of what I say about/of others.
3 years together. It seems longer but at the same time I can’t it’s been this long. If you’ve been with me from the start, you may know I was having loss of connections in my life. Including with Dave.
Our connection being a major part of how I was seeing our relationship. Communication and honesty has been a great thing in my life and our relationship. We’re stronger and I open up about everything with him.
I believe he’s started to open up with me as well. There are times when I feel he’s holding something back. It maybe just me being paranoid. He hasn’t been one to express emotion in the past so anything is great for him.
We’ve had a lovely anniversary. We’ve been doggie sitting so we walked them, got muddy and had to bath them. We spent time in front of the telly. Been watching my guilty pleasure, I’m a celebrity.
We then watched a James Bond film. A confession: before this year I had only watched Daniel Craig 007. Well, 2017 has brought them to me. Today, we watched number 11: Moonraker. I’m getting half way through.
I feel this needs to be on my goal list. To watch all Bond films. I’m sure there are many other films I haven’t watched before either.
Are there any films you think I should watch? Old or new?
If I haven’t see it I’ll put it on my goal list.
Anyway, back to the post. I couldn’t be without Dave. He’s such a chilled, kind, amazing guy. He’s supportive and would try to do anything for me. I love him. Bring on another year together 😘
Do you get those times where events, people and memories pop into your head out of the blue?
I do. Both awake and in my dreams. There are things in my past that could define me. But I don’t want them to rule my present, hindering my future. I suppose I’m gonna have to process or run through them. Writing them down.
The past teaches. The past can hurt. The past may help to shape the person you are today. Every day, I’m learning more about myself and of those around me. I need to conquer my past, to help better shape me in the present so my future self can move to where she wants to go.
It’s 10:15 pm. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. Seeing as the majority of my day was spent watching and finishing season 4 of One Tree Hill. I feel drained.
What ways or foods are good to keep energy up? Both on slow or fast days?
I have this sense of guilt. I’m not sure of the reason. As far as I believe I have done nothing to be guilty of. I’ve spent the day doing a mix of things.
I took the time to watch telly. I’ve had a good week of no telly. Because I’ve watched telly I haven’t done a lot towards my goals. Maybe that’s where my sense of guilt is coming from.
I can’t feel guilty of not spending a whole day completing goals. By being mentally and physically active all the time I’m wearing myself out. More mentally. Tiring my mind out causing my body to crash down in places.
I think I’m finding it hard to accept going slowly, taking the time. Focusing all on one task at a time. Future me is pulling down again because I’m not being present in the here and now.
There aren’t enough hours in a day to complete everything you want out of life. I need to accept that I can do everything, just not right this second. The support I have on and off my blog, to help me through. To help my mindset get towards healthy feels cherishing. Speaking, writing and opening up has made a difference.
I’m just not at the finishing line yet.
Today, I said goodbye to my Grandma C. It was a lovely service. Good turn out of family and friends who came to say goodbye. I’ll miss you. You won’t be forgotten.
I’ve reverted back to anger. I don’t like anger as an emotion. I know anger, just like fear is needed. Maybe I should do a pep talk to anger.
I certainly can say I’m irritable and on the way to being explosive. Anger in others scares me. I freeze, panic and anxiety bubbles in me. I just want to hide. I’m not good with confrontation.
I want courage. But I don’t want anger to be my fuel. It’s not going to get me to the right path. I’m acting on impulse rather than courage. If I’m not careful, it’s gonna come back and bite me.
After being told about a friend backing out of plans with another. The reason being she was gonna go do something else instead. The day and the party had been planned for months. This friend also pushed for the party to be at my other friends’ house. This made me want to make my first personal ground rule.
I believe most of my ground rules will be unspoken, common sense, well-mannered rules. But most I do agree with and want to live by them.
Annoyed is the emotion I’ve taken from the news of “friends” backing out of a pre-planned party to go to another. Picking one over the other, when you’ve already agreed to go. I find, is very rude, inconsiderate and hurtful.
Fair enough, if you cannot go in the first place or if an emergency comes up. Not even being apologetic, polite and considerate on how you tell the host also isn’t nice either.
To me, friendships are for life. That’s how I see them now. Unfortunately, I haven’t been so lucky with friendships in the past. Some, I will put my hand up and say it was my fault they broke down. Some down to the other person and a few where you think what happened?
I have become better at maintaining friendships over the years. I have friends who I’ve known since college. I know these, will always be around. Friendships need to be cherished.
The person I am now, am gonna continue to grow to be, cannot fathom why some people throw others to the side.