Life

More work on the house happened. My body is feeling it from the work yesterday, making today harder then it should be. Half of the radiators are on and the first fix for the plumbing has been done. We’re back again tomorrow. I’ve been able to scrap and sweep some more floors.

The best thing about tomorrow is that I get to spend time with my dad and step mum.

Life

‘Words can Hurt’

My friend and I painted the undercoat for the kitchen. It took us 4 hours to complete the whole 9 foot high walls and ceilings. I was proud of what we had done.

But that was overshadowed of feeling put down by my mum when I got home. The simple words of ‘is that it’ hurt me.

Getting shot down by what I’ve done as its not good enough for someone else. I get excited by buying something for the house and it’s not the priority.

When Dave said he missed the bus home I said I’d come to get him. I felt safe to cry in the car. On the way back he didn’t ask me what was wrong. He didn’t ask until we were home when I’m guessing he noticed something was wrong. He quickly redeemed himself by saying the right things and giving me hugs.

Words can hurt, more so when said a certain way.

Events, Family, Life

Christmas 2018

Christmas for 2018, I’ve felt good as a time with my family. I’m glad I was able to have spend time with my family.

Dave and I alternate the years we spend with our family over the holidays. To make things fair and not favouring one or the other.

This year I’m glad it was my family. More to the point it might be the last one where we may have my Grandma around the table. Due to her Alzheimer’s and her decline in physical capabilities, both my mum and I feel that she won’t be capable of doing what’s she’s done today.

It’s hard to think that way but as it’s something we’re seeing happening to my Grandma on a daily basis we’re having to prepare ourselves and try working with my grandad to get the support needed. Unfortunately, my grandad isn’t taking everything well. It is understandable. We’re being there for as much as we can. This denial and how much change is needed is effecting them both.

No matter what we say it’s going onto deaf ears. There’s gonna be some shocks and bad times ahead. But no matter what, I have to take care of myself and strive to BLOOM BRIGHTLY.

Anxiety

Dread?

I feel I’ve been eating better lately. I’m not sure if it’s the stress/dress of my grandparents that is causing me to feel ill. I felt sick to my stomach about going this evening. But I need to and I’ve one more night to go before it’s mums turn again.


Watched: Riddick > 1.5 out of 5

Family, Life

When’s the right time?

My mum and I have been biting our tongues for the past few weeks with my grandparents. This morning I got to the point I had to say something to my grandad. I told him “something needs to change. I know that you don’t want to hear it but it’s true. Something needs to change, sooner rather than later.”

My mum and I are struggling, so are the carers, my grandad is doing a hell of a lot more then he should be doing to the point he’ll hurt himself.

Once I said what I did I just left the house. I haven’t been back today or heard anything from him. But I can’t hide away, I’m due back to stay over tonight. I’m gonna have to face the music but I still stand by what I said.


Watched: The Dark Knight Rises > 2.5 out of 5
Lone Survivor > 2 out of 5

Life

‘I’m not a waiting person’

Another relaxing day, I took the dogs for a walk, watched a film, went home to sort my dogs out. Then I took my grandad shopping and to his after op appointment. He’s doing well. My grandma has been a bit moody over the last few days so that’s been fun.

Once back, Dave and I spent the evening in front of the telly again. I also received an update from my new employer. They are missing some things so I’ve been chasing these up. Hopefully, by the end of the week, these will be sorted.

I get apprehensive when I’m waiting for these things to happen. It raises my anxiety levels a bit. Fingers crossed it all goes to plan.


Watched: The Princess Switch > 4 out of 5
How it Ends > 2.5 out of 5

Family, Life

Caring for Grandparents

Over the next few weeks, I may have to change the time I write in my journal. I figured this out last night after putting my grandma to bed. Yesterday was the day my grandad had his pacemaker fitted. He was in and out in the one day but he is restricted to what he can do with his left arm for the next 6 weeks; including his swimming.

Which means he is going to struggle to care for my grandma for certain tasks; mainly the toilet and getting into bed. So my mum and I are taking it in turns to stay overnight and for as much as the day as possible. After putting my grandma to be its lights out throughout the house to get as much rest as possible. My grandma was only up once during the night last night but does have worse nights.

I’m thankful we are able to help as much as we can, especially across the first 2 weeks. It may reduce after this when we’re back to work full time but he’s able to recover as best as possible.

I’m feeling more relaxed right now. Usually, I worry massively but I thought to myself yesterday while my grandad was in the hospital, that I know he’s gonna be ok, so I don’t need to worry.

I also got my first Christmas card and present from a customer yesterday. I was very surprised, early was an understatement for me but I was honoured to be one of two he chose from the carers that go.

Spyro arrived today so I’m hoping to get some downtime to play that while my mum takes over at my grandparents for a bit.