Goals, Mental Health

A Small Drive for Snow.

Looking out of the window this morning, I got a sense of dread. When I left the house, anxiety bubbled. It was snowing. Snow on the ground and frost underneath.

At this point, I would usually go and hibernate or call my mum to drive me. My mum’s on holiday and hibernation wasn’t an option. I had customers relying on me. I couldn’t cancel or ring ‘On Call’. That was the determination I needed to help me move.

You may think I was overreacting. That’s what my mind does. A cm of snow and I craze out. I did it none-the-less. I skidded a couple of times and the wet weather caused the snow to turn to sleet by the time I got home from my run.

It was a small step to overcoming my fear of driving in snow.

Watched: A United Kingdom – 4 out of 5
Dirty30 – 4 out of 5

Anxiety, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Fear: Driving in Snow

I’m a little worried about tomorrow. We have a weather warning that it’s going to snow and get colder. I like the look of snow, but driving around in it scares me. Last November when I started being a community care assistant, I was lucky with the 2016 winter.

We pretty much had no snow.

This year it has been cold long before the winter season started. I knew it was gonna be a bad one. Tomorrow is or may be the start of that.

I’m going to get over my fear of driving in the snow. I’m gonna have to get on with my job. I’ll certainly be doing the exposure therapy I was taught. I’ve set my alarm for 15 minutes before I would usually get up.

I can do this!!

Life, Mental Health, Relaxation, Writing

Week Off Goes Quick

Time is going quickly. We’re on day 5 of our week off. Half way through and relaxing is hard on annual leave. When we’re trying to relax I get antsy. I can’t sit still. I keep checking my phone or an app even though I’ve no need to.

I don’t feel as stressed. I have calmed down. I’ve put my work and goals to one side to do what we want to do. My fear of time is coming back to haunt me. My mind won’t rest.

My patience is getting worse. So is my spending. I’ve even had chocolate the past 4 days. I feel that is affecting me. Tiredness in full swing.

I’ve 4 days left before I go back to work. I want to enjoy myself. Stop haunting me time.

Anxiety, Life, Mental Health, Writing

Fear of Time

Fears. I have a few. Some silly. Some out of my control. Some valid. There are fears we can overcome. Others are hard to break.

One fear I’ve come to realise over the past few weeks is about Time. More to the fact of running out of it. Maybe that’s where my stress and anxiety over the future comes from.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted things now. If only I could just snap my fingers and it appears in front of me. I’ve wished it be a time in the future.

There are times when my mind goes 100 miles an hour. To the point, I find it hard to function. I’ve got all of the things I need or want to do but I can’t seem to do anything to get the list smaller. When I’m unable to start or complete something in the time I thought it would. I get frustrated and beat myself up about it. Mentally, not physically.

This certainly isn’t the best way to go about things. Time and I need to become friends. Figuring out how to overcome the fear of time. Is one I’m not sure how to go about. Have you any advice or blog posts I could read?

The only thing I can think of right now is to choose one thing to focus on each day. Try to get closure to completing that task. If I do other things as well, great. If not, think “it’s ok, I will get it done. Today is not the day for it.”

Is there another mindset I should have?

I can do everything. Just not right now – Molly Mahar

Anxiety, Life, Mental Health, Writing

No Fear. Take Risks

Fear and Risk.

These are the two words that keep popping up for me today. I finished week 1 of The Courage Council and started week 2. Week 2 has been about clarifying risks and understanding fear.

When completing the audio. I found it quite therapeutic. I put my pen to the workbook and the words just flowed out. I let fear control me. It takes the front seat of all decisions and desires I don’t attempt to complete.

Once I had done my bit for the day, I decided to watch a bit of One Tree Hill.

Guess what?

Fear and Risk was in that too. Like there was a connection in the things I do/watch. It was the part where Peyton “brother” attacks her and Lucas and her real brother helps her overcome her fears. Teaches her that she needs to take the risk.

One of my challenges this week was to make a recording; well two. One for myself and one for someone I think needs some kindness, less fear. I have an idea of what I wanna say in each. I wanna put my whole focus into them.

They, well at least mine will be on here soon. Just need to figure that part out.

Does fear control you or do you control it?