This week I’ve tried to be more relaxed about completing my goals. I’ve gone from 4 non-telly days last week to 1 so far this week. Monday I set some ME TIME for the evening. I chose Pitch Black film then continued watching some episodes of Greys Anatomy.
Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Murder on the Orient Express. I went by myself. Didn’t have a full-blown panic attack this time. Just chest pains. I enjoyed the film even though I believe I was one of the youngest in the screen.
Wednesday I did a few pages of my Overcoming Workbook and then spent a couple hours watching some more Greys Anatomy.
Today, I did a yoga workout, did breathing exercises, completed a lesson of my BSL course. Helping me to achieve my no telly by spending my ME TIME evening reading than listening to music while doing some of my jigsaw puzzles.
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start giving you a play by play of what I do each and every day. I just wanted to make a point. Although I did work on a couple of goals I spent time for myself doing what I wanted.
I don’t feel as mentally stressed for it. But I still feel tired. I’ve been sleeping through the night lately. Although the past couple of mornings I’ve woke to find either my engagement ring off or pillows and bedding at the other end of the bedroom. What I’ve been doing in my sleep I do not know.
Maybe it’s something I need to monitor. Be mindful of how I find myself and my room when I wake in the morning.
I miss volunteering and working with animals. This morning I was able to go to the shelter to help out with the morning run. It’s been many months since I last went. Even though the previous times Dave came with me. I went by myself and found my love for it again.
This evening Dave and I went to see the new Thor film. More the film for Dave than me. I don’t quite get the sense of humour the films bring. But it has been a good day. Just feeling tired of it.
It may have been Friday the 13th but I felt positive by the day I had. I had lunch with B. Our first proper girls’ outing. It was effortless! I didn’t feel like an imposter at all. I bought my one and only Halloween item and the first present of Christmas 2017. I’ve wrapped it and everything.
I even felt positive about my NVQ meeting. More so afterwards. I was honest about my feelings towards it and my job. She understood and supported me completely. Due to the way my NVQ works, I’m only allowed to finish my NVQ 2 months early. But it’s sooner than before.
After a lovely family film night watching The Fast and The Furious. I’m starting to feel control over my life.
Note: I know today is not Friday the 13th. My posts get published two weeks after I write them down. It happened to be Friday the 13th on that day.
It may only be October but I do love a good Christmas film. The one I’ve just finished watching ‘A Wish for Christmas’ was just what I needed. I felt connected to it. Not realising before I watched it; it’s to do with courage.
Just exactly the right type of courage I needed to see. Standing up for yourself. Staying true to your values. Being open and honest.
I can do this. I can.
I’m unsure exactly how to describe how I’m feeling right now. I’ve just finished watching the film; World Trade Centre. The one with Nicolas Cage.
Heartfelt is the word that comes to mind. I had a little cry towards the end. I think I need to sleep now. I’ve no more words.
I worked on my courage today. It was one of my actions I needed to do for week 1. There are usually things I see in my head of which I can do with all the confidence in the world.
But actually doing them is a different story. Most things I struggle to do on my own. When I actually do whatever it is, it builds my confidence up. Slowly, but it’s up.
One of my confidence builders is: go against my brain/thoughts to complete something.
Today, I went to the cinema by myself. I love going to the cinema. Usually, I’m with my other half or friends. I’ve seen others go by themselves. I always think how brave they are.
A part of me thought “yep, I can do that.”
Going by myself today was my act of courage. I thought “I can do this!” I pre-booked my seat so I didn’t have to queue. One step at a time.
When I was due to go my chest became painful. I was breathing heavy. I had to go to their bathroom before I went into the screen to use my inhaler. To calm down.
In the end I did it. I sat through the film and enjoyed it. Recommend Girls Trip. I had in my head that people were judging me.
The more I do things, my courage and confidence will grow. I’ll get out of that mindset.
Have you ever been to the cinema by yourself? How’d you feel?
I woke with a headache. Still tired and feeling drained. I floated through the day. Or that’s at least how it felt. I didn’t want to do a lot.
Being day five of six and having had four busy days. My body wanted me to slow down. I listened, saying I didn’t want to do the plans we already had. I’m glad now because it down poured that much it was coming through the conservatory roof.
At first, I don’t think my partner was happy about not doing a lot. We hardly spoke today until bedtime and that was more to do with anything but my frustrations.
But I’m glad I had planned a girls night with the one who couldn’t come to the group girls night. It was fun. Had a meal, chatted our frustrations throughout and watched The Space Between Us.
The second time I’ve watched it and it’s still sweet. Enjoyed it.
Getting my frustrations out about my partner to my friend helped me. For when I arrived home I was a little more me.
Now I need to think of a plan of attack to get my partner being a full grown, responsible, adult without me having to ask.
Is that too big of a goal?