Glutton for Punishment

That’s the person I am. I take on more things at the wrong times. Spending money and trying to create more time then what’s available to me. No wonder I feel tired, stressed and overloaded.

CBT.jpg

I put extra things on myself before I’ve finished the other courses, goals or work. My body has decided to take on a cold as well. Prioritise relaxation and Me Time!! That’s what I need to do.

Is there something you need to prioritise?

NVQ Drawing to the End?

After 4 hours spend with my NVQ assessor, I’ve done 14% more with a total of 75% complete. 2 more set meetings, which she says I may finish in February rather then March/April time when I first asked if I could finish any earlier.

I’m so glad it’s been moved up a month. It’s given me that light at the end of the tunnel feeling. That early next year I can potentially look for another job and tick completion of my NVQ off my goal list.

Happy Anniversary

3 years together. It seems longer but at the same time I can’t it’s been this long. If you’ve been with me from the start, you may know I was having loss of connections in my life. Including with Dave.

Our connection being a major part of how I was seeing our relationship. Communication and honesty has been a great thing in my life and our relationship. We’re stronger and I open up about everything with him.

I believe he’s started to open up with me as well. There are times when I feel he’s holding something back. It maybe just me being paranoid. He hasn’t been one to express emotion in the past so anything is great for him.

We’ve had a lovely anniversary. We’ve been doggie sitting so we walked them, got muddy and had to bath them. We spent time in front of the telly. Been watching my guilty pleasure, I’m a celebrity.

We then watched a James Bond film. A confession: before this year I had only watched Daniel Craig 007. Well, 2017 has brought them to me. Today, we watched number 11: Moonraker. I’m getting half way through.

I feel this needs to be on my goal list. To watch all Bond films. I’m sure there are many other films I haven’t watched before either.

Are there any films you think I should watch? Old or new?

If I haven’t see it I’ll put it on my goal list.


Anyway, back to the post. I couldn’t be without Dave. He’s such a chilled, kind, amazing guy. He’s supportive and would try to do anything for me. I love him. Bring on another year together 😘

Monthly Review: November 2017

8:28am, 1st December. Real time post

I’m finding it hard to sum up my month of November. I spent my last day not very well. A simple cold made me pale on Wednesday night. Turned into me fainting on the kitchen floor yesterday morning. Spending the rest of the day in bed.

Sleep wasn’t my friend until 2am. I believe the caffeine in the cold and flu tablets kept me awake. I don’t drink tea or coffee so my body isn’t used to it. I did spend an hour reading though.

It’s been a couple of years since I last called in sick. It hasn’t been the best end to the month. My fainting spell caused the loss of my longest standing mug, bugs bunny “what’s up doc” is no more.

What have I achieved in November?

For a month where I’ve felt like I’ve overloaded myself, I haven’t crossed anything off my goal list. Maybe that’s why I’ve been ill. Doing too much. But I have done things towards my goals. Let’s see what my calendar shows:

  • Me Time = 5
  • Bath = 1
  • Overcoming = 3
  • Relaxation = 1
  • No Telly Days = 6
  • No Chocolate = 18
  • Breathing Techniques = 4
  • MHFA = 1
  • BSL = 2
  • CBT = 1

18 days with no chocolate. I think that’s good going.

This month felt like it went very quick for me. Did it for you? Only 1 month left of 2017. Christmas soon be here.

Life’s going quickly. Make the most of it. I know I need to. How was your November?

A Relaxed Week on my Goals

This week I’ve tried to be more relaxed about completing my goals. I’ve gone from 4 non-telly days last week to 1 so far this week. Monday I set some ME TIME for the evening. I chose Pitch Black film then continued watching some episodes of Greys Anatomy.

Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Murder on the Orient Express. I went by myself. Didn’t have a full-blown panic attack this time. Just chest pains. I enjoyed the film even though I believe I was one of the youngest in the screen.

Wednesday I did a few pages of my Overcoming Workbook and then spent a couple hours watching some more Greys Anatomy.

Today, I did a yoga workout, did breathing exercises, completed a lesson of my BSL course. Helping me to achieve my no telly by spending my ME TIME evening reading than listening to music while doing some of my jigsaw puzzles.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start giving you a play by play of what I do each and every day. I just wanted to make a point. Although I did work on a couple of goals I spent time for myself doing what I wanted.

I don’t feel as mentally stressed for it. But I still feel tired. I’ve been sleeping through the night lately. Although the past couple of mornings I’ve woke to find either my engagement ring off or pillows and bedding at the other end of the bedroom. What I’ve been doing in my sleep I do not know.

Maybe it’s something I need to monitor. Be mindful of how I find myself and my room when I wake in the morning.

 

On Speaking up

Speaking up hasn’t been the easiest of things for me. I get embarrassed, shy and scared to the point I settle for what I have. Growing resentful of the situation I’m in. All because of my feelings when I try to ask for what I want.

Speaking up is one of my courage actions and I’ve been able to put it into action on a few things. I don’t wanna revert back to not speaking up. I need to know what I want to speak up about. If I don’t have clarity, taking the time to clearly understand myself what I want.

How do I expect others to understand what I need for myself or from them?

This could relate to making decisions as well as speaking up. I need to ask myself, my heart, body and soul if it is what I want.

Does the decision or action resonate with me? Who I am or what I stand for? Not just that, why? Why am I going to do this action? Is it true for me or something I don’t want to do?

Going out of my comfort zone is hard for me. It heightens my anxiety. Going out of the zone may be the way to get or ask for what I want. It may be the same for you?

I always think of “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”. Majority of the time this is true. There will be times you ask but you still don’t get. Least you asked. You know the answer is no. You’re not thinking it.

Believe in your ask. Let them know how much it means to you and how helpful it was. Always say thank you. Don’t forget you can say no too – Unknown

A Sense of Guilt

I have this sense of guilt. I’m not sure of the reason. As far as I believe I have done nothing to be guilty of. I’ve spent the day doing a mix of things.

I took the time to watch telly. I’ve had a good week of no telly. Because I’ve watched telly I haven’t done a lot towards my goals. Maybe that’s where my sense of guilt is coming from.

I can’t feel guilty of not spending a whole day completing goals. By being mentally and physically active all the time I’m wearing myself out. More mentally. Tiring my mind out causing my body to crash down in places.

I think I’m finding it hard to accept going slowly, taking the time. Focusing all on one task at a time. Future me is pulling down again because I’m not being present in the here and now.

There aren’t enough hours in a day to complete everything you want out of life. I need to accept that I can do everything, just not right this second. The support I have on and off my blog, to help me through. To help my mindset get towards healthy feels cherishing. Speaking, writing and opening up has made a difference.

I’m just not at the finishing line yet.