Events, Family, Life

Christmas 2018

Christmas for 2018, I’ve felt good as a time with my family. I’m glad I was able to have spend time with my family.

Dave and I alternate the years we spend with our family over the holidays. To make things fair and not favouring one or the other.

This year I’m glad it was my family. More to the point it might be the last one where we may have my Grandma around the table. Due to her Alzheimer’s and her decline in physical capabilities, both my mum and I feel that she won’t be capable of doing what’s she’s done today.

It’s hard to think that way but as it’s something we’re seeing happening to my Grandma on a daily basis we’re having to prepare ourselves and try working with my grandad to get the support needed. Unfortunately, my grandad isn’t taking everything well. It is understandable. We’re being there for as much as we can. This denial and how much change is needed is effecting them both.

No matter what we say it’s going onto deaf ears. There’s gonna be some shocks and bad times ahead. But no matter what, I have to take care of myself and strive to BLOOM BRIGHTLY.

Health, Life

All because I needed to burp?

I had an initial telephone interview yesterday for a care home. I passed and due to go for an interview next week. But I’m not sure an care home is for me. I have an interview assessment for the hospital trust. That is the one I hope to get.

When I got to the words ‘but I’m’ above, I had to pause writing. I was laying on my front, more towards my left side when sharp pains started. I couldn’t move without my side hurting. They were all under my left side rib cage. Any movement of deep breathing caused it to hurt more. I’ve had pains like this before but not as long or intense. Plus I’ve been in a sitting position.

After what felt like a minute or two, I was able to move onto my back using my right arm to push me over. I was shaking and clammy by this point. This pain felt like it was going away while I was still. But still movement of deep breathing the pain build in intensity.

Dave was unable to help me up with the pain getting this way and my head was near the edge of the bed. I asked him to get my mum. She’s also experienced pains like this. She was able to use my lower body to move me so I wasn’t going to fall off the bed.

I tried to steady my breathing, without breathing deeply. Slowly it was fading away. With my mum’s help I sat up, burped and the pain went away.

I then sat there, laughing and crying together. One mini burp. It wouldn’t have won any competitions. That burp helped to relieve the worse pain I’ve ever felt so far in my life. I say that cause I can only imagine that there are other pains, like child birth, would be a hell of a lot worse.

Now I’m pain free but sweaty. I hope the pain never happens again. It’s not the nicest thing to experience. After all that I think I’m gonna get ready for bed. Goodnight, journal.

Watched: Wonder > 4.5 out of 5

The Cabin in the Woods > 1 out of 5

Goals, Health, Life, Writing

Fierce Self Love: Part 1

One of my blackboard tasks is Loving my Body. It’s not a task that can be just ticked off. I really need to be loving my body wholeheartedly for this to be true.

When I think about loving my body, it’s not just my body but myself as a whole. Surely, if I can’t love myself, I can’t love my body. Loving myself unconditionally. Loving myself fiercely.

I want to be able to see the love for myself each time I look into the mirror. See my flaws, not as flaws, but what makes me who I am. That my nose is perfect in every way as it is the nose that makes me me. That the off centred mouth makes the smile that shines each day.

I might be borderline when it comes to my weight; underweight to ideal. But this is the body that allows me to move and have a shape others dream of.

To love myself no matter what, I should disregard what the official scale says. I know when I feel healthy and good about my body. I don’t need an aim to lose weight or one to gain. I need to aim to eat healthily, enjoy daily movement and to know that I’m beautiful no matter what.

Watched: Dracula Untold > 3.5 out of 5
Safe House > 2.5 out of 5

Life, Writing

How do I build up my strength?

I want to build up my upper body strength. I’ve been told previously that I have a muscle imbalance in my arms and shoulders. I’m not 100% sure what this means but I was told exercise is what I need to do.

Finding the right exercise that will build up my strength; I’m not sure where to start. I struggle to lift easy things in life sometimes and I struggle at work with some of the manual and handling tasks which is starting to cause agro in my back.

I need/want to do something that I’m not causing my body harm. Especially with my family health that can be hereditary.

Health, Life, Writing

Feeling Better

What did I say about being fine in the morning? After sleeping in till 10am I was fine. The sleep helped bring my energy back.

My celiac test results are not back yet either. I had my ultrasound too. All three tests came back as a normal result. Which is good but doesn’t explain my stomach pains.

The estate agents rang to give me an update. The vendor has given all but the fixture and fitting sheet back. So we’re still waiting. Something is happening but I don’t wanna look elsewhere for somewhere when I love this house.

Watched: Casino Royale (2006) > 2.5 out of 5

Health, Life, Writing

Not Feeling too Good

I woke up feeling down from the night before. It’s affected my mood along with the heat its effect on my stomach. Its been playing up today.

Today was Dave’s Cousin’s little boys christening. Here’s me meeting them for the first time and it didn’t help with me feeling like this. I spent half the time in the bathroom. I also didn’t go to my in-laws for dinner.

I thought it might be best to call in sick to work tomorrow. I don’t wanna lose out on the money but if it’s anything other then the heat I don’t wanna infect my customers. Most likely I’ll be fine when I wake in the morning.

Health, Life, Writing

A Little Under the Weather

Two more working days to go before our annual leave starts. It’ll be good to recuperate. I’ve got that lovely cold, that’s going around. Plus my stomach is playing up. I’ve an embarrassing problem on top of that.

I’ve a blood test next week, an ultrasound scan to book and I’m to have my urine dipped.

I’m sat here wanting to crawl into bed and not get out again.

Maybe that’ll get it all better?

Nah, didn’t think so.

House update: Apparently the vendor solicitors have sent over the draft contract and something else, I can’t remember the name of, but still wanting for property information forms. They’ve started. I just have to wait a little longer.

I just hope I sleep tonight, better than the last. It took me a long time to fall asleep. I even gave up and read my book at one point. It’s not a thrilling book, maybe that’s what’s helping me sleep?

Tomorrow is another day. It’ll be a new start. Let’s hope I’ll be able to breathe through my nose.