A Goal of No Chocolate

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

It’s always good to spend time with my dad and step mum. I didn’t feel guilty about having a whole afternoon/evening watching telly.

My dad is uncomfortable going far for long. He finds it easier to stay in. As he had already been out that day. Telly it was. The main feeling I had today was a sudden onset of tiredness.

One moment I was perfectly fine. Then, the next, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’m blaming the 2/3 of chocolate share bag I had.

A part of me thinks that’s crazy. But the other thinks what else could it be?

I’ve had plenty of lay ins this week. Not busy at all. There shouldn’t be a reason for me to feel that tired, that quickly. Three more weeks until my doctors’ appointment.

I said to my other half: “I’m not gonna have chocolate”.

Not the first time I’ve said that. May not be the last. Won’t feel any different if I don’t try.

Goal: No Chocolate

On another note:

I went to the sexual health clinic today. As I’ve had a swab towards the beginning of this year which was normal. There wasn’t a lot the nurse could do for me. She did take a blood sample to rule out HIV and another, that has slipped my mind.

So, she’s booked me into a walk in clinic, in three weeks time, to see a doctor. May not help. But it might do. Will see what they say.

Always a waiting game.

A Day of Indecision and The Joy Equation

I’ve had a lot of things go through my mind today. It’s been hard to concentrate on one thing. I need to do this, that. I want to get this done. I’ll do that. I could do that. A day of indecision. Within this indecision, I’ve been able to be somewhat productive.

Food shop. Hair. Doggie walk. The Joy Equation. Yoga. In between work and some food.

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One of the things that I suddenly decided to do at the last minute was completing The Joy Equation.

For anyone who hasn’t heard of this; it’s a personal development type course working on figuring out your core values and big dreams. A 6-week course that into a topic per week. Joining a community of woman who is working to creating a meaning to their lives; working towards their goals.  This is my view of the course. The main site page of the course, on the link above, will explain all so much better. The author allows the community to share the links. I have written all this on my own accord; gaining nothing by doing so. 

It may be designed a 6-week course but it certainly took me longer than that. Three months in fact. But I have got there.

My Mission/Purpose Statement:

Have acceptance and connection with myself, be present for my family and a force for positive change.

My Core Values:

  • Health
  • Simplicity
  • Balance
  • Adventure
  • Connection
  • Radiance
  • Laughter
  • Acceptance

I’ve already written my six big goals and four goal declarations. These can be found here.

At the end of the workbook, there is a My Vision page where I can sum up the main points of the six weeks. This I have scanned and put on my wall along with my other sheets.

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This isn’t the first time I have done this course. I did it a couple of years ago when my mind wasn’t in a good place. It helped me process my wondering mind.

Now that I have finished the course. I was curious what the differences were from my course answers from nearly three years ago. Getting to older workbook out, I saw there was a slight difference with mostly similarities. Three years ago, I was at university. Let’s see:

My Mission/Purpose Statement (Three Years Ago):

To celebrate the joy, make a difference to animals and nourish those around me.

My Core Values (Three Years Ago):

  • Health
  • Love
  • Family
  • Balance
  • Growth
  • Adventure
  • Openness
  • Outdoors

My Six Big Dreams (Three Years Ago):

  1. Travel around the world, seeing different cultures and ways of life
  2. Own a beautifully, energy efficient green (help the environment) home
  3. Make a difference in the animal care/welfare world
  4. Get married for life and have kids
  5. Experience joy for my whole life, accept and be happy – no anti-depressants
  6. Nourish all the people/relationships in my life

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I believe I have changed mindset quite a bit in the last few years. Something like this I find can prove it.

Whether it’s a course like this or your own way of developing and reviewing yourself and your goals. Doing personal development can lead you to know where you may want to go in life and yourself. Everyone does develop without consciously putting the work in.

Have you done this course or one similar? Do you do something else entirely to help yourself develop and complete your goals? What are your goals?

It would be interesting to see other accounts of personal development and goal storming.

 

“It’s Life, you’ll get over it”

Why do I feel more awake now then I do any other time of day. It’s coming up to bedtime. An early morning beckons and no matter the time, early or late, I go to bed, I don’t want to get up in a morning.

I remember a time when I woke first thing without my alarm clock even going off yet.

“Life I suppose”.

A doctor said that to me before. My blood result had come back normal. He told me it was life, you’ll get over it!

So glad I wasn’t suicidal.

Thinking of what the doctor said to me, now just makes me angry. Saying that to someone, who another doctor, not long after, put me on anti-depressants and referred me to a counsellor.

Clearly not due to the other doctor. But because of life!

But because of life!

I got through that stage in my life. But life keeps coming – kicking me in the arse.

In just over a week I will be back at a therapist. This time in a group setting. So far not on anti-depressants. Hopefully, it helps me cope some how.

Writing I’ve found to help. I was never good at writing when at school. Sometimes even now, I’m not great. But I’m writing for me. I’m enjoying it. I’m sharing it.

Update on my job opportunity: now rearranged for 3:15 pm tomorrow. Let’s see what this brings.

A Little Disappointed

My meeting with my manager was supposed to be at 9 am this morning. But I had a phone call to say she couldn’t make it into the office. Unfortunately, now I don’t know what’s happening with the job opportunity. I’m having to wait till she’s back in the office to rearrange.

I’m not big on waiting.

I’ve had to wait twelve days to get a response from my NVQ assessor about my next meeting. Now we’ve had a reply, I can organise the meeting itself. I’ve waited four weeks so far for the day itself. Two weeks to go.

I’ve also had my blood test this morning. Seeing if my Vitamin D levels have risen at all. I’ve been on supplements for seven weeks now. I don’t feel any different to the reason why I went to the doctors in the first place.