Week Off Goes Quick

Time is going quickly. We’re on day 5 of our week off. Half way through and relaxing is hard on annual leave. When we’re trying to relax I get antsy. I can’t sit still. I keep checking my phone or an app even though I’ve no need to.

I don’t feel as stressed. I have calmed down. I’ve put my work and goals to one side to do what we want to do. My fear of time is coming back to haunt me. My mind won’t rest.

My patience is getting worse. So is my spending. I’ve even had chocolate the past 4 days. I feel that is affecting me. Tiredness in full swing.

I’ve 4 days left before I go back to work. I want to enjoy myself. Stop haunting me time.

2 am Hour

It’s currently 2:19 am. I’m laid here in the dark, screen brightness low to prevent Dave waking. This time last night I was finally able to get to sleep. Now, I’m wide awake.

Since having this cold I haven’t been able to sleep properly. I wish I knew why. I am hoping writing this out will help me process or at least take-up some time. May make me tired.

My 1st December went ok. Wrapped up some presents. Put out my new Christmas decorations in my room. Usually I would insert a picture of these here. But seeing as it’s 2:31am I will wait for another time to show you.

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it previously but I feel more of a family connection now then I did on Christmases growing up.

To me Christmas is about family. Spending time together. Enjoying each others company. I have an idea in my head of how I’d like Christmas to be for our kids when we decide to have them.

We also put up a scratch the world poster quite clearly of the world. I want to use this as our travel map. Where we’ve been we can scratch off to show our travels. Dave and I have been to Isle of Wight, Lake Windermere and Barcelona together.

It will be difficult to scratch off those off to begin with. I’ve decided seeing as I’ve currently got the map in a frame that I’ll use the frame to mark where we’ve been until we can scratch a good section off.

Think it’s the perfectionist in me. I don’t want to ruin it. This travel map, I’m hoping to help with my dream of traveling the world. Unless I start playing the lottery in order to win it, we’ll be saving to have holidays away every so often as our traveling.

2018 is already starting to become a busy year. Which means expensive. But experiences to look forward to. Not all are set in stone. Most so far are in the talking stage. But I hope they do become so.

I wanna stop saying let’s do this or we should book that and it not happen. Well, it’s now 2:51 I’m gonna see if I’m able to get some sleep now.

Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing. I hope your enjoying yourself.

Monthly Review: November 2017

8:28am, 1st December. Real time post

I’m finding it hard to sum up my month of November. I spent my last day not very well. A simple cold made me pale on Wednesday night. Turned into me fainting on the kitchen floor yesterday morning. Spending the rest of the day in bed.

Sleep wasn’t my friend until 2am. I believe the caffeine in the cold and flu tablets kept me awake. I don’t drink tea or coffee so my body isn’t used to it. I did spend an hour reading though.

It’s been a couple of years since I last called in sick. It hasn’t been the best end to the month. My fainting spell caused the loss of my longest standing mug, bugs bunny “what’s up doc” is no more.

What have I achieved in November?

For a month where I’ve felt like I’ve overloaded myself, I haven’t crossed anything off my goal list. Maybe that’s why I’ve been ill. Doing too much. But I have done things towards my goals. Let’s see what my calendar shows:

  • Me Time = 5
  • Bath = 1
  • Overcoming = 3
  • Relaxation = 1
  • No Telly Days = 6
  • No Chocolate = 18
  • Breathing Techniques = 4
  • MHFA = 1
  • BSL = 2
  • CBT = 1

18 days with no chocolate. I think that’s good going.

This month felt like it went very quick for me. Did it for you? Only 1 month left of 2017. Christmas soon be here.

Life’s going quickly. Make the most of it. I know I need to. How was your November?

A Relaxed Week on my Goals

This week I’ve tried to be more relaxed about completing my goals. I’ve gone from 4 non-telly days last week to 1 so far this week. Monday I set some ME TIME for the evening. I chose Pitch Black film then continued watching some episodes of Greys Anatomy.

Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Murder on the Orient Express. I went by myself. Didn’t have a full-blown panic attack this time. Just chest pains. I enjoyed the film even though I believe I was one of the youngest in the screen.

Wednesday I did a few pages of my Overcoming Workbook and then spent a couple hours watching some more Greys Anatomy.

Today, I did a yoga workout, did breathing exercises, completed a lesson of my BSL course. Helping me to achieve my no telly by spending my ME TIME evening reading than listening to music while doing some of my jigsaw puzzles.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start giving you a play by play of what I do each and every day. I just wanted to make a point. Although I did work on a couple of goals I spent time for myself doing what I wanted.

I don’t feel as mentally stressed for it. But I still feel tired. I’ve been sleeping through the night lately. Although the past couple of mornings I’ve woke to find either my engagement ring off or pillows and bedding at the other end of the bedroom. What I’ve been doing in my sleep I do not know.

Maybe it’s something I need to monitor. Be mindful of how I find myself and my room when I wake in the morning.

 

On Speaking up

Speaking up hasn’t been the easiest of things for me. I get embarrassed, shy and scared to the point I settle for what I have. Growing resentful of the situation I’m in. All because of my feelings when I try to ask for what I want.

Speaking up is one of my courage actions and I’ve been able to put it into action on a few things. I don’t wanna revert back to not speaking up. I need to know what I want to speak up about. If I don’t have clarity, taking the time to clearly understand myself what I want.

How do I expect others to understand what I need for myself or from them?

This could relate to making decisions as well as speaking up. I need to ask myself, my heart, body and soul if it is what I want.

Does the decision or action resonate with me? Who I am or what I stand for? Not just that, why? Why am I going to do this action? Is it true for me or something I don’t want to do?

Going out of my comfort zone is hard for me. It heightens my anxiety. Going out of the zone may be the way to get or ask for what I want. It may be the same for you?

I always think of “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”. Majority of the time this is true. There will be times you ask but you still don’t get. Least you asked. You know the answer is no. You’re not thinking it.

Believe in your ask. Let them know how much it means to you and how helpful it was. Always say thank you. Don’t forget you can say no too – Unknown

You Are Amazing!

I’m not the smartest person. I’m not the prettiest person. I sure as hell am not the bravest. But I try to be the best I can be. I may try to be the best. I may not be all the things an ideal person should be.

Who does?

Be honest. Be yourself. Not everyone is going to connect with you. Be the person you want to be. Do what you believe in. Do want you wanna stand for.

Are you doing what resonates with you?

The people who truly love you will understand. If they don’t they’ll make the effort, they’ll be there for you, they’ll want to understand. You should be loved as the amazing person you are.

Hey you, yes you, the person reading this, thinking, even saying “what is this girl on about, I’m not amazing”. 

Well, I’m not sorry to say this but you are. Whether you’re in the best part of your life or the worst. You are amazing. That brain in your head, those loved ones that support you, even when you are blinded by those negative thoughts racing through your head.

That person looking back at you in the mirror. That person is worth all the happiness in the world. Doing. Loving. Cherishing everything.

Just in case you didn’t read the rest: You are amazing. Never forget that!

The Past Coming Back

Do you get those times where events, people and memories pop into your head out of the blue?

I do. Both awake and in my dreams. There are things in my past that could define me. But I don’t want them to rule my present, hindering my future. I suppose I’m gonna have to process or run through them. Writing them down.

The past teaches. The past can hurt. The past may help to shape the person you are today. Every day, I’m learning more about myself and of those around me. I need to conquer my past, to help better shape me in the present so my future self can move to where she wants to go.

It’s 10:15 pm. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. Seeing as the majority of my day was spent watching and finishing season 4 of One Tree Hill. I feel drained.

What ways or foods are good to keep energy up? Both on slow or fast days?