I want our big day to feel right

We went to a wedding open day at a venue close to home today. Before going I had in my head that I don’t want my wedding in a marquee but this one impressed me. It had that indoor vibe rather than a tent popped up.

This venue (The Holmefield Arms) has turned out to be a real contender. The only doubt about it is about disabled access to the ceremony room. This could make or break this as a possibility.

I liked this one over The Rodgerthorpe one we saw last month at a fayre. The disadvantage to that venue is the numbers. Think I’ll keep my eye out for an open day so we can see a set up for the wedding space.

Even though we decided we’re gonna get married in 2021. We’re unable to book a venue. I’m glad we’re looking as we’re able to take our time looking around. I can get a feel for the places without having to rush to make a decision and have that doubt behind my choice.

I want our big day to feel right in all ways.


Watched: Peter Rabbit > 4 out of 5
Keeping up with the Jones > 4 out of 5
The Colony (2015) > 3 out of 5

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48 Hours Together

It’s rare when we get a whole 48 hours together. Dave works every Saturday, me every other weekend. We don’t get a whole weekend together without booking it off. When I am off on a weekend, I’m spending apart of my day figuring out what I wanna do.

There are times I love having the time to myself. Others I feel its an inconvenience.

Our first 48 hours off together in 2018. It’s been a blessing. I’ve felt more relaxed by our relationship and with the whole time together. Each day we had an event to go to. I usually stress over these too.

But I’ve had fun. Even with the adulting as well. Tomorrow is another day of family celebration. Feeling positive about #joy2018.


Watched: Pitch Perfect 3 > 3 out of 5

It’s the Both of Us

When I said I spoke to Dave about how I felt the other day. Did I tell you I did it over text? I know, probably not the best way to break news about your relationship feelings. He did ask me if I was annoyed at him via text I didn’t wanna lie.

Still, no excuse not to do it face to face.

On our walk today we or should I say I started to talk about it face to face. It was just us. No phones. Just talking.

Both got to fully understand how I feel. He was able to tell me if he’d like any changes. He just agreed with what I’d already said I needed to work on. I will admit, it’s not just Dave that needs to improve. I need to work on my letting go of control and spending less.

It all takes times. That’s something else I need to work on.

Not a Mind Reader

The second decision my other half has made is to start looking for wedding venues etc. This is what I’d like but we can’t afford a mortgage right now. I don’t want to be setting my heart on wedding ideas that may or may not be available for when we are able to afford to get married.

I know I said I was irritated and bored with our relationship and that he needs to get his drive and initiative into gear. I kinda meant on a personal level to help the relationship, not big leaps. I’ll have to see what a conversation face to face will do.

This evening he has been giving ideas on things to do, activities can go do. All well and good. I’m glad he’s making a decision but we still need to drop off Christmas Presents!! And in a few hours, it’s the New Year.

But here’s me writing, moaning about him doing something. He’s not a mind reader. He doesn’t know what I want. He’s had the majority of things done for him. He’s not had to think about certain responsibilities or those little things that need doing.

Certainly going to be working on my letting go of control and no micromanaging for a while relationship wise.

Hard Truths

I’ve said something to Dave. Afer my relationship rant a couple of nights ago. Avoidance. I have been open about my feelings. It’s funny he can tell I’m annoyed, irritable or any other word you wanna use over text message but not face to face.

Maybe I’m a good actress after all.

He knows I’m irritable and bored with our relationship. Told him the reasons why I felt this way. He said “Fair enough, I’ll work on that”.

It’s not the first time I’ve said something to him. Back in July, when I was going through a particularly bad patch of anxiety and depression. Before I went on my medication. I spoke to him about not feeling connected etc.

That has improved but because of how I’ve come to feel, that connection has reduced again. I don’t wanna keep going around in circles.

I’ve told a couple of my friends about how I’m feeling. One of which I’m meeting up with for lunch in a couple of days. It’ll be interesting what she has to say face to face. Being able to tell all the details. Well, at least my side of things.

The other half hasn’t been forthcoming about his feelings. Even though, I’ve just received a message about the first sort out of 2018 is gonna be to see if can get a mortgage.

Might be an idea to sort out our relationship first. But hey ho, see what happens.

Feelings towards our Relationship

Worried he loves me more then I love him. Irritable and bored with our relationship. I’m home after spending the day together. We didn’t have a proper conversation. There are times I feel like it’s a parent/child relationship rather than adults.

I thought in the car home that he needs drive and initiative. Kicked up the arse – he needs to step up. Be the guy in the relationship. Make a decision. Do something without me having to prompt him.

Feeling like it’s not gonna last. I know I need to speak to him. But it’s not the first time I’ve had to say something.

End of a Lovely Break

What a lovely week off. It’s been nice to get away from work. I’ve been taking a break from my goals. No chocolate is the only one really done for some of it.

Seeing family and friends. Having trips out with Dave has been lovely. We’ve made homemade meals and spent the majority of the time together.

Seeing as we don’t live together yet. I had to come home tonight. It was sad leaving him. Going back to 5-7 days where we won’t see each other. I found it hard to leave. I’ve felt loneliness even since I got in the car. The thought of going back to work tomorrow is slightly sickening.

Once I’m back into it I’ll get used to it again. These 9 days together have been amazing. It’s made me know that I definitely want to move in with him. Save. Save. Save. The only way it’s gonna happen.