End of a Lovely Break

What a lovely week off. It’s been nice to get away from work. I’ve been taking a break from my goals. No chocolate is the only one really done for some of it.

Seeing family and friends. Having trips out with Dave has been lovely. We’ve made homemade meals and spent the majority of the time together.

Seeing as we don’t live together yet. I had to come home tonight. It was sad leaving him. Going back to 5-7 days where we won’t see each other. I found it hard to leave. I’ve felt loneliness even since I got in the car. The thought of going back to work tomorrow is slightly sickening.

Once I’m back into it I’ll get used to it again. These 9 days together have been amazing. It’s made me know that I definitely want to move in with him. Save. Save. Save. The only way it’s gonna happen.

Happy Anniversary

3 years together. It seems longer but at the same time I can’t it’s been this long. If you’ve been with me from the start, you may know I was having loss of connections in my life. Including with Dave.

Our connection being a major part of how I was seeing our relationship. Communication and honesty has been a great thing in my life and our relationship. We’re stronger and I open up about everything with him.

I believe he’s started to open up with me as well. There are times when I feel he’s holding something back. It maybe just me being paranoid. He hasn’t been one to express emotion in the past so anything is great for him.

We’ve had a lovely anniversary. We’ve been doggie sitting so we walked them, got muddy and had to bath them. We spent time in front of the telly. Been watching my guilty pleasure, I’m a celebrity.

We then watched a James Bond film. A confession: before this year I had only watched Daniel Craig 007. Well, 2017 has brought them to me. Today, we watched number 11: Moonraker. I’m getting half way through.

I feel this needs to be on my goal list. To watch all Bond films. I’m sure there are many other films I haven’t watched before either.

Are there any films you think I should watch? Old or new?

If I haven’t see it I’ll put it on my goal list.


Anyway, back to the post. I couldn’t be without Dave. He’s such a chilled, kind, amazing guy. He’s supportive and would try to do anything for me. I love him. Bring on another year together 😘

Quality Time + Social Media Update

It was nice to spend some quality time with Dave this evening. We made dinner. Doggies had theirs. Then we all got comfy on the sofa for a film night.

I tried to focus and enjoy the night. I only looked at my phone when it was a toilet break or between films. Usually, as soon as I hear my phone go off I pick it up.

I enjoyed the films more and the time together not turning to the phone. It’s made me more accepting, well glad is more the word, that I’ve decided social media needs a break.

Social media update: 

Now both my phone and tablet has no social media apps. I have to go on my laptop to look at Facebook. In regards to facebook. I have messaged my family members and a couple of friends my email and number who I knew didn’t have it. Still got a couple friends left for another day. 3 returned either a number or email back. Others said thank you. The ball is in their court to stay in touch once I delete Facebook.

All I’m waiting for now is the appropriate notice on my social media volunteer for my charity support. Then Bye-Bye Facebook! I have thought about doing a goodbye message a few days before. Don’t really wanna go before saying goodbye. But most I haven’t spoken to in years.

Are we still really friends?

A sense of normality

I worked towards my bath goal today. Sitting in lukewarm water for 15 minutes. I couldn’t relax but I believe I may have gotten over the major panic of sitting in the water.

Dave and I had a date afternoon as well. Went to Nandos then on to the cinema. We saw IT. I enjoyed myself. Feel we’re getting our connection back. The film was good. Still yet to find one to scare me though. I’m scared of having baths and spiders but I don’t scare at films.

Any suggestions of scary films?

Had a lovely evening with friends. I didn’t feel disheartened when I had to leave to come home. I thought “I’ve enjoyed my time here. We’ll be doing it again soon.”

When I got home, o my. A spider run across my bed!! Back to normality then. Thank you, mum, for being my savour.

Connections

Today has been a good day. I had a girls night with B. Food, film and a good gossip. Just what I needed.

I didn’t struggle to think of what to say. I was relaxed. Didn’t overthink anything. I think I found a good friend in B. It may have taken us nearly three years to get here but I’d rather not rush a friendship.

I was able, to be honest about things that have happened or I’m feeling about life. I know she’s been honest with me back. That’s one of the main fears I have. My trust levels have been low but I know I have a couple of friends that I can say anything to. I know I’m being listened to, not judged and can hopefully

That’s one of the main fears I have. My trust levels have been low but I know I have a couple of friends that I can say anything to. I know I’m being listened to, not judged and can hopefully have friends for life.

Connection must be in the air. I feel more connected with my other half today. A flow of conversation and no awkwardness. A bonus.

Back to Basics

I’ve had a mixed day. The good thing is that I’ve had a good second half. Had a laugh over nothing, which is good. I say nothing, we were watching a film, so it was something.

I had my sexual health clinic trip today. Other than some small tearing, all looks OK. She did a swab which we believe will come back normal. I basically have that messed up mental health it’s affecting me having sex.

The advice is to go back to basics. Start off from the beginning. Like I’ve never had sex before and go slow. Build up my mind and body to enjoy sex again. The doctor gave me some antiseptic cream as well to use for when having sex to see if that helps at all.

It was an interesting conversation to have with my other half but he said yes. He’s happy for us to do that.

Back to the beginning, we go.


You can now sign up to Molly Mahar new Council: The Courage Council. It’s starting on the 11th September for 21 days. There are two price ranges depending if you want extras or not. Like I said, it’s new this year so, only know whats gonna happen by the info Molly provides but if it’s anything like how her Holiday Council goes. I’m gonna love it.

Maybe you could too. Click the picture to access the web page. Have fun.

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Blocked Mind

I’ve been staring at this page, pen hovering. Not really knowing what to write. I’ve finished just having sex. I had to stop myself from crying straight after.

It was uncomfortable during. No pain as such but my mind not going away from it. After it just feels like a part is on fire.

That being said, when we went on our date, I got more relaxed and back into myself towards the end.

My mind is blocking me from being me.

I have Mrs. frustrated head on. Everything is irritating me.


To change the subject my NVQ assessor, all be it ten minutes late, did show up and spent most of the day with my third module. Another area passed. My next one soon to be on the way.