I Asked!

One of the things I’m not happy with in my life is the instability of my job. I seem to work a lot of hours a week without much of a return. Don’t get me wrong; I love caring for people. I need to do so in a stable, permanent, fixed hour position.

I would look for another job. I even have one in mind. One thing is stopping me. My NVQ. My current employer kindly paid for my NVQ. Meaning I had to sign a contract to say I would repay it back if I left before, 3 months after it was completed. After this time, I don’t have to pay them back.

I’m about halfway through my NVQ. I feel it is going slow. One: I haven’t done a lot to say I’ve got a qualification at the end of it. Two: I wish it was over. I’ve been wishing it would hurry up and end. Not good really with my fear of time.

This wishing isn’t gonna help me. Plus, wishing isn’t gonna get it done. I’m due to meet with my assessor on Friday. I’ve already sent an email asking if there was any way I could complete my NVQ sooner. I got a reply saying we’ll discuss on Friday.

I don’t know what my options are yet. I’ll have to wait until then. But instead of wishing, I took the risk and asked.

No Fear. Take Risks

Fear and Risk.

These are the two words that keep popping up for me today. I finished week 1 of The Courage Council and started week 2. Week 2 has been about clarifying risks and understanding fear.

When completing the audio. I found it quite therapeutic. I put my pen to the workbook and the words just flowed out. I let fear control me. It takes the front seat of all decisions and desires I don’t attempt to complete.

Once I had done my bit for the day, I decided to watch a bit of One Tree Hill.

Guess what?

Fear and Risk was in that too. Like there was a connection in the things I do/watch. It was the part where Peyton “brother” attacks her and Lucas and her real brother helps her overcome her fears. Teaches her that she needs to take the risk.

One of my challenges this week was to make a recording; well two. One for myself and one for someone I think needs some kindness, less fear. I have an idea of what I wanna say in each. I wanna put my whole focus into them.

They, well at least mine will be on here soon. Just need to figure that part out.

Does fear control you or do you control it?