Health, Life

‘Straight back to bed’

My evening was cut short last night. I enjoyed myself but by half 10 my eyes were closing. I ended up going home in bed by 11pm. But as I was cold I saw past half midnight, as I couldn’t sleep.

Waking this morning was hard. Being a Saturday it was to get up to help my Grandma into the bath. I felt I needed a nap between the house and working this evening but my mum told me to go to bed straight away after helping my Grandma. I did.

I didn’t get out properly until 2pm. Then I started getting ready for work. In the end I didn’t go to the house today but Dave, my mum and step-dad did and by the sounds of it quite a bit got done. They’ll be back tomorrow while I’m working and looking after my Grandma. Thankfully the clocks go back so the extra hour in bed might really help me tonight.


‘Self-Care: Resting’

Things are starting to get moving with the house again. Hopefully by end of the weekend all the boarding will be completed. Then the plasterer can give us a date to start. I spent a 2 hour period this afternoon lying down with my eyes closed. I wasn’t asleep but I rested myself to allow me to continue with my day.

Another busy day tomorrow. See where it takes me. I still haven’t heard from the job I’ve gained. Fingers crossed tomorrow.


‘Self-care doesn’t come easy’

Taking care of myself doesn’t come second nature to me. Sleep does take a priority but other then that my self care and love don’t always get seen or heard. To be fair I do rest. But I’m not planning it it comes to happen as I over do things and my mental state overloads.

As I’m not looking after myself 100% I’m causing myself not to feel good making me need rest. Not because of choice but necessity. I’ve felt this way today. Feeling like I’m coming down with something. Testing but giving myself a full schedule. The house needs to take centre stage over the next week. Still got a way to go before the plasterer can start. He’s coming in 6 days. Not one room is ready for him to start.

My and my step dad went to collect items plus order a load more that are getting delivered in 2 days. I need to get a tower for the stairs to allow me to remove the paper from the hallway ceiling.

While I was writing this in my journal all I could think about was that I need to throw away this pen. Tomorrow I’ll start a new.

Watched: Friday the 13th part 4 > 1 out of 5

Life, Writing

Inner Work

Living an authentic, joyful life doesn’t mean that every moment is an ‘up’. To live authentically and joyfully I am learning that understanding is key.

Understanding that I can’t control every experience in my life. Understanding that it’s okay that I don’t have this control. That authentic living means I can choose my reaction to the messiness in life.

It also means that I make mistakes but it doesn’t mean I am a mistake. That I fail without being a failure. That I’m the one who can give myself permission to be ME.

I don’t need anyone else or a fancy title. Just me to shine on through. I need to explore my gut thinking. Relax into my quirks. Celebrate my strengths and accept my weaknesses.

I can do this by listening to my intuition, voicing an opinion, standing up for myself. Explore and rid limiting beliefs.

A better understanding of me.

I’ve had both good and bad experiences in my life. Not all have I reacted to well. Certainly not the messiness. That is my past. It doesn’t make me for the future. I make my future.

The Kingsman: The Golden Circle > 3.5 out of 5
Antman and The Wasp > 3 out of 5
The Snowman > 1 out of 5

Life, Writing

Connect with Myself: Part 4

There’s always a way of bettering myself. I could learn new skills. I could stop bad habits. I want to better myself. I want to live authentically. I don’t want to be forcing myself to do things. I still want to be true to myself.

I want to be able, to be honest, and true. But I don’t want to be running my mouth. I know I’ve got a lot better at least. My words have gotten me into trouble in the past. I don’t want to be the ruin of me in the future.

I’m working on bettering myself, connecting and learning to love myself and my body. I do stress and comfort eat. With my size, you wouldn’t think it. I have moments where I’m good with my relationship with food. I’ll get good again but I need to stick to the good relationship with food.

I need to work on my ways of coping with stress. Finding the right way for me.

Life, Writing

Connect with Myself: Part 3

When I think about connecting with my inner self, accepting who I am and letting my true self out. I get nervous if the reactions of those around me. Throwing them off balance.

My biggest is Dave. Being my fiance, he will get all of my true self.

Then it would be my immediate family and friends.

Then it would be the reactions of those from work. Would it compromise my job at all?

Thinking this way makes me feel like I can’t be my true self because of people pleasing. Being my true self is something that nothing should stop. Especially other people. It isn’t a selfish act. It’s being true to myself.

I believe any negative reaction from those around me would be because of how they’ve seen me and any changes would question them. Connecting with myself is for me not for others.

Life, Writing

Connect with Myself: Part 2

With a click of my fingers;

I have a job that treats me with respect, gives me breaks and I’m able to make homecooked meals each day.

I live in the home of my dreams, with my husband and two pooches.

I help others but also ensure I do the inner work I need to do and provide myself with self-care.

It would be nice if all that happened with a click of my fingers. I know I’ve got to put the work in to do this; to have my life be like that. I’m gonna need to complete steps to move forward.

First thing is I feel I need to change my availability form to allow myself to have a proper break in my long days. Rather than leaving the house at 6:40am and getting home at 9:30pm. More so when I don’t get paid for being out all that time.

Secondly, I am gonna show my face at the estate agents and get them to chase the vendor and his solicitors to move things along. the 4-6 weeks we were originally told is now coming to 11 weeks. All I’ve been doing is waiting.