My Shift Plan

Through the Courage Council. I learnt about Kate Swoboda. She’s another life coach who focuses on courage as a habit. I found her free resource, The Shift Plan, helpful.

I knew there were things in my life I wanted to shift. This plan helped me to see others by breaking life up into sections. Here I want to share with you My Shift Plan. That, in one year’s time, we can see the shifts that I’ve made.

Personal Growth/Fulfilment/How I feel about me

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

I’d like to be more easeful, patient and gentler with myself and the things within my life. I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself. To be proud, have a sense of fulfilment and all-around happiness. Work towards my goals and being me.

Most Important:

I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself.

Intimate and Romantic Relationships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure. Be patient with my partner limitations. Love unconditionally. Make my requests heard.

Most Important:

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure.

Personal Relationships / Friendships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to where my relationships with others are/feel…

Cherished. Speaking up for what’s right. Saying no to uncomfortable requests. Being committed to all. Keep the promises I make. Not make promises I know I cannot keep.

Most Important:

Saying no to uncomfortable requests

Career / Work in the World

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have stability and love for my job at the same time. Have a balance between work and life. To help others while still being true to myself.

Most Important:

Have stability and love for my job at the same time.

Money / Abundance

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have control over money. Budget, plan and be at ease with my income. I’d like to use the money to treat us to holidays and trips out. Allow money to help me be more me.

Most Important:

Be at ease with my income.


I would love to do Kate’s Courageous Life Program. Unfortunately, it’s not gonna be able to fit in the budget for a while. Anything, I can learn and complete in the meantime, like The Shift Plan, I’m gonna do.

 

shiftplan
New Goals

 

No Call Came

I felt anger today. My therapist was due to ring me at 11 am. Phone out to hand. Delayed my to-dos in my head for me to start after the call. No call came.

I rung them. When I got through to someone they confirmed I was supposed to get the phone call. They said they’d recorded I rung. That I’ll get a call regarding my appointment.

I had a moan to my friend who goes to the same place. He asked if I had plans to turn my mood around. Luckily I had.

Dave and I went to the theatre to see Allo Allo. I’ve never seen the show. Dave saw the repeats when he was a kid. He wanted to see it. We went. Something new for me.

I found it funny. Not 100% sure what was going on half the time. But I enjoyed myself.

Took away my anger of my therapist never calling me today.

 

Getting Through a Difficult Day

It’s been a difficult day. Today, was the funeral on my main customer. She’s been a big part of my past working year. I’m glad I went to say my goodbyes. See the family I got to know.

Luckily, a few fellow workers came to. We got to grieve together. I was even meant to be back to my office work by 1 pm. I need and wanted more time with her family and my friends. I did email to say I was gonna be late.

I didn’t apologise or make excuses. They knew where I was. I knew I was losing out on pay. There was where I needed to be. No regrets.

Thankfully, this evening I had something to look forward to. My friend offered to make me dinner and tonight was the night we’d organised it for. It was good to have something to look forward to.

He made a lovely meal, we watched a funny film and I was home for half 9. I didn’t even feel my anxiety of being in a rush. I did check the time a couple of times. I didn’t wanna be home late.

Once the film had finished and the football got turned on. I was started to feel tired. I knew it was time to go.

Both the good and sad happened today. I’m safe. I’m getting better. I’m able to last through a difficult day. I’m capable.

So are you!

Saying the Negativity will Change isn’t Enough

Negativity isn’t good for me. It’s hard to get out of my mindset when I’ve dug myself so deeply. Reaching the way out is impossible.

I ended the day yesterday in such a negative mindset I didn’t write. I moaned to Dave and friends, my negativity. They tired putting positive spins on things. Usually, I would see the positives. No matter what, that negative cloud couldn’t be broken.

I’m not taking proper care of myself. Yesterday, I was asked, last minute, if I would go for to a 2-hour call. It was a good call but I still said no. I used that time to go out with my mum, walking the dogs.

The closer I got to leave for work, already on my rota, that negative mindset got darker and darker. I moaned at every little thing. It took me a while to get to sleep that night.

I didn’t wanna get up this morning knowing I had a busy day at work. My cloud had turned grey. I’ve still been moaning. I took on extra work, I’m tired and just remembered I have my pack up to sort for tomorrow. Plus a funeral to go to tomorrow.

I’m sat here thinking there’s gotta be more to life than this. I know there is. But when it comes to taking care of myself. I put myself on the back burner. Help others out first and say yes to things I most likely shouldn’t.

I say this needs to change. It does! But saying isn’t enough. I need to do! I need to take care of myself.

 

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New Goals

 

What I mean is when I’m asked to do something or be involved in something I need to follow my ground rules of my self-care and love for myself.

Behaviour and Panic

Week 3 of the Positive Steps group is the week that encouraged me to start overcoming my panic about having a bath. Doing this through exposure.

Behaviours

The week is called Managing Behaviours. Looking at a different type of vicious cycle; the behavioural vicious cycle. Here’s mine:

Untitled1

How do I go about changing these behaviours? 

Going by what my counselling work says I need to make a list of the things I need to engage with. As creativity is one of the ones on my list. I’ve made a picture of my list rather than just listing them out for you.

List of things need to do.jpg

As you can see I have colour coded each item on my list.

  • Red: Necessary
  • Green: Routine
  • Purple: Pleasurable

In all fairness, I would like all the things on my engagement list be pleasurable. There were a couple I couldn’t decide on. For example, Yoga and Walking the dogs is on my routine list and it does need to be routine but I also want these to be pleasurable too.

Now I have my list, I have to start small and schedule these into my days. Making sure I do something regularly and then reflect on what I have done.

I have started doing activities from my list. I’ve been setting reminders, putting them in my calendar and logging walks and yoga through Google Fit.

I reflect daily, through my writing. Although I don’t just talk about what I have done that day. I think my reflections will be within my end of month reviews.

Panic

The second half of the week looked at panic. This is the part that spoke of exposure leading me to start getting over the things that panic me. I have to start one thing at a time. Having a bath to me was the ideal one to start with.

I have no idea why I panic when it comes to having a bath. I used to have them all the time when I was a kid. I haven’t had a traumatic experience in one. I just panic about having a bath.

It’s been easy for me to avoid over the years. We only have a shower now at my parents’ house. Dave’s parents’ have a bath but they also have a shower. Me avoiding again just had showers there too.

Dave loves baths over showers. I know when we get our own place a bath is gonna be one of his main ‘I wants’. Relaxing in a bath, taking time out, does have its appeal. I just have to get over the panic part.

As it has been a month since the session on week 3. I have started my goal towards having a bath. I’m just not at the point where my panic is totally gone before I can think about relaxing in one.

I did learn that there were three types of panic attacks. This, I didn’t know. I just thought a panic attack was a panic attack. The three types of panic attacks are:

  1. One you predict
  2. One you cannot predict
  3. Night time panic

Me having a bath is definitely one I predict. You may also have figured out I have a fear of spiders if you’ve read other posts of mine. I’m not sure which that one falls under. I know I’ll panic if I see one. But I can’t predict when I’ll see one.

I have had the odd night time panic. Being an anxious, worried and having low moods makes me more susceptible to having panic attacks. Are you?

This week told me that reducing anxiety helps to decrease the chance of having a panic attack. This is what lead me to want to overcome my anxiety and fears.

There are fears that are out of my control. The risk of them happening, the majority of the time, is low. But if I learn to control my behaviours and panic, I should, in theory, be able to control any panic attacks I have in the future.

Breathing is a big part of this. Breathing is always coming up with me. Clearly, I need to take note. Workin on my breathing techniques it is.

Have you exposed yourself to any of your fears?

 

To Much. Too Soon.

I tried carrying on as normal today. Let myself have a lie in. Did my module four for my NVQ. Found out the details for my Grandma C funeral.

That put me down again.

Trying to get the day off work for it was stressful. They had booked my NVQ assessor that day and I could only see her on my day off. It was like they didn’t wanna give me that day off and reschedule my NVQ assessor. In the end, they did. Now waiting for my meeting to be rebooked.

I felt like my brain was gonna explode. I had to go lie down. My mum found me a while later, laid on my bed. After a mini-talk. She told me not to do anything else today. I was glad it was my day off work.

Towards the end of the day, I started to feel better. At the beginning of the week, we had booked bowling for this evening. Then to go for a meal afterwards. I was glad for my mum, step-dad and Dave.

We continued with the plans. They got me out of my head for a few hours; which was nice. I came second in both games of bowling and we went for a Pizza Hut afterwards.

I thought of my Grandma C before I went to bed. I had planned to see her today. That got me down again.

My family and friends are amazing. I’ve a great close-knit circle I can count on. I think I and probably many people in the world can take these for granted. We shouldn’t.

Check up with my Doctor

I went to my doctors yesterday about seeing how I was doing on my anti-depressants. It’s been about 5 weeks now. I’ve blogged about my leg twitches, my headaches and sickness. I’ve been having chest pains too.

All of these I mentioned. He believes they are symptoms of my stress and anxiety. As anxiety, fear and stress are my overpowering issues. He has recommended a self-help book by Christopher Williams: Overcoming Anxiety, Stress and Panic.

My doctor showed me the first edition of the Overcoming Depression book by the same author. It looked good. Has questions and activities to complete. My doctor also said if I have any questions from doing the workbook. I should write them down and book an appointment to see him.

I thought that was really good. He wants to help me get better and answering questions about what I’ve done or don’t understand is something he is willing to do. So far, other doctors, I’ve met, I feel like I couldn’t do that.

They want you in and out as quick as possible. He wants me to come back just to chat if I need it.

Another thing he would like me to do is work on slowing down my breathing. That breathing is going back to haunt me. Think I need to listen. I breathe too fast. Which isn’t helped by stress or anxiety. In turn, causes my headaches and chest pains.

I’ve been working on this today. I’m even doing it now. Breathing in for 3 seconds and then out for 3 seconds. One breath cycle should be 6 seconds; 10 breaths a minute. I can do between 20 and 40 breaths a minute normally.

No wonder I feel panicked all the time. I noticed I feel a little calmer after a few minutes of breathing slowly. Unfortunately, I go back to my fast breathing if I’m not being mindful of it.

A new goal. It’s been a while since I made one of those. 

Goal: Slow my breathing down to 10 breaths a minute

It may be hard in the long run but hopefully having the foal will mean I practice the breathing techniques. Having the sense of relaxation would be a bonus.