Time is going quickly. We’re on day 5 of our week off. Half way through and relaxing is hard on annual leave. When we’re trying to relax I get antsy. I can’t sit still. I keep checking my phone or an app even though I’ve no need to.
I don’t feel as stressed. I have calmed down. I’ve put my work and goals to one side to do what we want to do. My fear of time is coming back to haunt me. My mind won’t rest.
My patience is getting worse. So is my spending. I’ve even had chocolate the past 4 days. I feel that is affecting me. Tiredness in full swing.
I’ve 4 days left before I go back to work. I want to enjoy myself. Stop haunting me time.
After 4 hours spend with my NVQ assessor, I’ve done 14% more with a total of 75% complete. 2 more set meetings, which she says I may finish in February rather then March/April time when I first asked if I could finish any earlier.
I’m so glad it’s been moved up a month. It’s given me that light at the end of the tunnel feeling. That early next year I can potentially look for another job and tick completion of my NVQ off my goal list.
We had a day of family. We saw Dave’s sister and the kids. Which meant I met baby nephew. He’s so cute. I’ve now met all 3 of the family newcomers for 2017.
We then saw my grandparents. More for car maintenance. But my grandad showed me how to check my tire pressure and I pumped up my tire for the first time. It seem to have held. Tomorrow it’ll get a tire check all round before garage opens Monday. Just in case new tires are needed.
In August I put on my glance for the month to visit my brother and family. That didn’t happen but today it did. We had a lovely catch up. Dave got to see their place.
A nice relaxing evening in when we got home. During this week holiday I’d like to restore from my burning out.
I wanna go to sleep. I wanna get comfy. I wanna be warm. I wanna be healthy. I wanna be happy.
I wanna have my other half laying beside me. I wanna talk until the sun comes up.
I wanna have my whole family together. I wanna have them all loving one another.
I wanna stand up and shout for what’s right. I wanna make a difference in the world. I wanna be courage. I wanna say YES to celebrating your dreams. I wanna be the person you can count on.
But right now I wanna sleep. I wanna close my eyes. I wanna wake up and all be OK.
Tomorrow will be my last full day before my parents come back from Florida. I’ve coped very well at being at home, doggie sitting, for the last 7 days. The post-it notes for the animals have been helpful.
I have the dog routine down anyways having looked after them on a normal basis. For my step dad’s Axolotl, it’s been a Godsend. Helped me remember which days I’m supposed to be feeding him.
Did nearly miss getting the bin out this morning. There’s me, sat on the toilet when I heard the bin truck. What had I not done? Put the bin out! There’s me, rushing, dragging the bin from the back of the house. In my bed socks and PJs with the floor wet from the rain. All for the bin to be emptied. Thankfully 5 minutes before they came to my street.
I’m usually quite good at getting the bin out the night before. Last night clearly wasn’t my night.
Despite the rushing to get the bin out. I’ve felt better on my own this time around. I think working and the responsibility of the animals has helped me not feel as lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I still had moments of loneliness. At those times I was able to hug a doggie.
It’s been good to have the house to myself. I’ll be glad when they get home though. I do miss them.
Many things run through my mind. Good and bad. Heavenly and downright scary. That one thing or a million things.
I started writing to help my mind and myself process the things that run around, 100 miles an hour. I believe it’s helping me. I’ve started to work through the things I usually bottle up. Don’t get me wrong, there are times I think about things a number of times and don’t write about it until it’s about to pop.
But overall it’s so much better for me. I’ve come to enjoy it. I’ve found a new love for writing.
I told a friend the other day that I blog. She said I was brave for writing what I write. It may take me time to open up to all my friends. I have my Facebook goodbye post going through my mind at the moment.
What do I write? When’s best to post it? Are people even gonna care?
Probably not. But I didn’t wanna just delete and not say goodbye to those who have been in my past.
With my new love for writing in mind and the fact that I have written virtually every day (with the odd day I’ve missed out). I can think I can safely say I’ve developed a journaling habit. It has been 3 months since I started writing. Over 100 posts later I’m going to tick off that my journaling habit to accomplished.
I feel positive that I will continue with this goal. Even with it ticked off.
I ticked two things off my blackboard of tasks today:
After starting the 6-week course in August. Today is the day I finished the work. It may have taken me nearly two months. I’ve learnt some new things about how I cope with my stress and anxiety. What it does to me in my vicious cycle and behaviours. Before I cross the goal off my list I am going to read through it all again to see if there is anything I have missed processing.
Last month Dave and I invited our friends round for dinner. It isn’t often anyone gets a chance to travel to mine so was a nice change. We are always going to theirs and they feed us half the time. It was nice to do something for them. I made Beef Stew with Apricots with pasta. Then served an Apple and Salted Caramel crumble tart with custard for afters. The crumble tart was shop bought I didn’t make that. One meal to cook from scratch was enough. It was very nice. Very moreish.
When we get our own place, I would love to have dinners more often with friends. Luckily, we have a chance again in November to have them over for dinner. It’ll be back on my blackboard of tasks for November as well.
After a lovely weekend that I am grateful to have had. The morning will be a new week. I hope yours treats you well.