Time off Work

When I left work at 12:15 today, it began my 9 day annual leave. I’m so glad it’s begun. Last time I had time off was back in July. The same time I started this blog and my birthday month.

I took a risk and got my hair cut to my shoulders. Over the past year, I’ve slowly been getting it shorter. This time I just said cut it. I’m glad I did. I really like it. What do you think?

This evening, it’s been my friend G’s birthday meal. We went to a restaurant I’d never been to before. It was nice to try it out and spend time with good friends.

Boy, was it expensive. I believe the 50/30/20 rule isn’t gonna fit to my wages this month. I’m still saving. It’s the essential/lifestyle parts I haven’t got to grips with. I’m not gonna stop trying. I’ll get there. It has started to get me to think where my income is going and my relationship with it.

How the Fear Routines and I Connect

Wanting courage within myself. That is something I want to embody. To have courage fight through my fear and anxiety. To have it as an instinct rather than that part of me that gets shut behind a door. 

Watching Kate Courageous in one of her videos got me thinking about why my courage is behind a closed door. She speaks of her fear routines. Surely I need to understand before I can conquer. Looking at her fear routines, I can’t really pinpoint an exact one I fall into. I have parts in all. 

I believe my number 1 is THE SABOTEUR:  I try new things or start something but never finish or get to the end then don’t use it. Would have saved me a lot of education debt. All because of fear. Those negative thoughts going through my head. I start things then quit to do something else regardless if I wanna do it anymore. There are times I underperform. Mainly when I’m getting towards my low moods. 

But my number 2 THE PERFECTIONIST comes though. At these times the perfectionist helps. But I haven’t worked out how to stop or at least slow it down. I go from underperforming to overperforming. Getting into the drive where I need to be and do better. That I have to do the job, get it done, even though another could have done it exactly the same way. But I need to know that it is perfect. Going into the mindset that I need to do even when I know it’s not right. 

I’m not sure which way around to put my number 3 and 4. Could I have a joint one? Have THE MARTER and THE PESSIMIST at the same level. 

THE MARTER: I clearly have a saboteur pattern as this is my number 1. I give to others and no go after what I want.  This I have reduced slightly. I give to others but am starting to go after what I want. I’m glad I wrote this. I believe THE MARTER is my number 4. 

Number 3 has to be THE PESSIMIST: My negative thoughts and anxiety help to rule THE PESSIMIST in me. I get the “things don’t work out for me” feeling. That the world is out to get me. Tests me. 

I feel my number 2-4 lead me to the point that they help my SABOTEUR. That it’s feeding off my other fear routines. Now I need to figure out how to cut these fear routines down to open up my courage. 

That’s for another day. Do you have any of these fear routines? Do you have your own?

 

If I Totally Trusted Myself….

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would feel:

Confident. Happy. Joyful. A sense of integrity. Excited. Easeful. Nourished. Open.

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would do less:

Complaining. Resenting. People pleasing. Spending money I shouldn’t. Lie or keep my mouth closed. Keep putting things off.

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would do more:

Yoga. Cooking from scratch. Traveling. Mindful budgeting. Be more creative. Open to all friends. Have more experiences. Enjoy sex.

One Project at a Time

As part of The Holiday Council 2016, I was able to access the Insiders section to the year. I may have had it for 11 months but I’ve only just started to listen to them. I finished the 2011 guest interviews. One of which was with Ev’Yan who focuses on sex and sexuality.

Seeing as my relationship with sex isn’t good. It scares me since I started getting pain during. The thought of trying again causes me to panic, have a sense of dread. It’s been a couple of months since we last had sex.

Finding Ev’Yan through The Holiday Council has been great timing. I feel like if I listened to this guest interview at the beginning of the year I wouldn’t have connected as much to it as I do now.

Looking at her blog, she is being honest about everything. She even does an e-course to help others find themselves to enjoy sex. It’s something I’m considering.

This course and The Courage Life Program are two I’d like to do. But I will have to wait until 2018. November/December brings a new year of The Holiday Council.

I’m trying to focus on one project at a time. As I struggle to focus on one thing at a time, never mind big projects. I think I’m gonna add a new ground rule. To try and build the habit. I have 4 ground rules now.

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Do you have any personal ground rules?

My Shift Plan

Through the Courage Council. I learnt about Kate Swoboda. She’s another life coach who focuses on courage as a habit. I found her free resource, The Shift Plan, helpful.

I knew there were things in my life I wanted to shift. This plan helped me to see others by breaking life up into sections. Here I want to share with you My Shift Plan. That, in one year’s time, we can see the shifts that I’ve made.

Personal Growth/Fulfilment/How I feel about me

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

I’d like to be more easeful, patient and gentler with myself and the things within my life. I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself. To be proud, have a sense of fulfilment and all-around happiness. Work towards my goals and being me.

Most Important:

I’d like to be more confident in my abilities and speaking up for myself.

Intimate and Romantic Relationships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where I am/I feel…

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure. Be patient with my partner limitations. Love unconditionally. Make my requests heard.

Most Important:

A new level of intimacy to receive and give pleasure.

Personal Relationships / Friendships

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to where my relationships with others are/feel…

Cherished. Speaking up for what’s right. Saying no to uncomfortable requests. Being committed to all. Keep the promises I make. Not make promises I know I cannot keep.

Most Important:

Saying no to uncomfortable requests

Career / Work in the World

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have stability and love for my job at the same time. Have a balance between work and life. To help others while still being true to myself.

Most Important:

Have stability and love for my job at the same time.

Money / Abundance

In one year’s time, I’d like to have shifted to a place where…

I have control over money. Budget, plan and be at ease with my income. I’d like to use the money to treat us to holidays and trips out. Allow money to help me be more me.

Most Important:

Be at ease with my income.


I would love to do Kate’s Courageous Life Program. Unfortunately, it’s not gonna be able to fit in the budget for a while. Anything, I can learn and complete in the meantime, like The Shift Plan, I’m gonna do.

 

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New Goals