Life, Writing

Saying Goodbye – 2018 Courageous Living Planner

At the start of the year, I started the 2018 Courageous Living Planner. I enjoyed reading what Kate Swoboda wrote. I connected with what she had to say. I found her evaluation tool helpful.

At the beginning of the year my satisfaction of the following areas of my life was:

Family and Friends: 5
Career: 5
Money: 3
Physical Health: 6
Home/Physical Environment: 5
Fun and Recreation: 4

Right now I believe some have reduced but I’m hopeful after the move some will go back over even get higher.

After telling the truth from some questions asked I came up with my Most Courageous Self goals:

  1. Incorporate music into my life daily
  2. Being in and seeing the natural world
  3. Achieving and being apart of big dreams

The first couple of months went well on completing the monthly questions. Even up to this month. But once I’d answered the questions I put the planner down not to be looked at until the next month.

I suppose the questions helped me to see my life in a new light but that 10-minute answering hasn’t been helping me move forward. I like my MCS goals. I feel they’re a big part of my big dream goals.

That and with The Holiday Council work I do, the planner doesn’t seem to be needed anymore.

I’ve made the decision to give the planner a miss now. It isn’t being a part of my life in the way it should, so I need to say goodbye to it. Focus on the outlets I already have and that are working.

Due to it being a planner I hadn’t looked through to the months ahead. Having done this now I feel it was the right decision to say goodbye to the planner. I’m not loosing out by saying goodbye. I’m not wasting money. It was free and a little bit of ink. Being paper I’m able to recycle what I’m saying goodbye too.

Is there anything you feel you need to say goodbye too?


Watched: Numb > 2.5 out of 5
Walking Tall > 4 out of 5
The Levelling > 1 out of 5

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Personal Development

MCS: Part 3

Fear 1: Fear of failure, that I can’t do it and I’d revert back to being anxious/depressed

What wound(s) might be behind the fear?

  • Not feeling good enough
  • Starting things but giving up or withdrawing when things get hard (2x university withdrawals. 1: a course I didn’t want to pursue in the end. 2: Mental health flared up)

What does that wound need to heal?

  • To take small steps, build up confidence
  • When things get hard, find a way to make it easier and practice

Fear 2: Other people’s opinions and input into what I do

What wound(s) might be behind the fear?

  • Social anxiety
  • Mindset
  • People telling me I shouldn’t do that
  • People telling me I’m doing things wrong or don’t have the skills
  • Bullied at school for trying to be me which caused me to revert into myself

What does that wound need to heal?

  • Not allow other peoples thoughts and opinions affect me
  • Remind myself that I am enough
  • Remind myself that I can be the person I want to be
  • Remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. incorporate music into my life. To evoke that I could: 

  • Sort out all the music on my iPod that doesn’t resonate with me
  • Note down songs I love singing to download onto my iPod
  • Keep my speakers on when my alarm goes off
  • Use headphones when unable to use speakers

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. Being in and seeing the natural world. To evoke that I could:

  • Research travel destinations
  • Talk to friends and family to see where they would recommend going
  • Get travel books out of the library
  • Set up a travel fund
  • Go for a 30-minute walk no matter the weather each day
  • Open my blinds each morning
  • Do work/read/relax outside
  • Make a comfortable space by a window

My Most Courageous Self wants to.. Achieving or being apart of big dreams. To evoke that I could:

  • Look into life coach courses
  • When finding one. Do it!
  • Research life coaches
  • See if any books could help from library
  • Make small steps on how to achieve my own big dreams

How does my inner perfectionist operate?

  • Trying to do everything myself
  • Saying yes so can do them even when not something I want to do
  • Have to do things until its perfect
  • Saying not good enough or needs redoing causing myself to stress along the way
  • Having to be in control

 

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Personal Development

MCS: Part 2

What are three things that would bring more excitement, curiosity into my life?

  1. Music incorporated into my life more
  2. Being in and seeing the natural world around me
  3. Achieving or being apart of big dreams

You’ll have to be real about why you aren’t already making these moves – Kate Courageous

Music incorporated into my life more:

Why I’m not already doing that?

  • Can’t use speakers when family are asleep
  • Don’t have the time to put music on
  • Always have other things on my mind

What do I need to do differently?

  • Schedule music into my life > have at least 10 minutes where I listen to music, plus maybe dance
  • Have iPod and headphones close by to be able to put on when family asleep
  • Have 5 minutes to relax and breathe to clear my mind to then put music on

Three ways my life will benefit?

  • I think I’ll relax
  • I think my mindset will change
  • I think I’ll get my love of music back

Three ways you’ll benefit others?

  • I might help someone come out of their shell
  • I might introduce someone to their favourite song
  • I might make someone laugh

 

Being in and seeing the natural world around me:

Why I’m not already doing that?

  • Never feel I have the time
  • Weather stopping me to courageous to go out
  • Don’t open blinds/curtains to let natural light in

What do I need to do differently?

  • Go out and so something in all weather
  • Wrap up accordingly
  • Take dogs for walks
  • Open blinds every morning. Only close when dark outside

Three ways your life will benefit?

  • I think I’ll get fitter
  • I think I’ll smile more
  • I think I’ll be more creative

Three ways you’ll benefit others?

  • I might be easygoing
  • I might encourage others to explore the outside world
  • I might teach others about the outside world

 

Achieving or being apart of big dreams:

Why I’m not already doing that?

  • Don’t have the knowledge, skills or experience in helping others achieve their goals
  • Haven’t been successful in achieving my own
  • I’m not good enough mindset

What I need to do differently?

  • Make small steps to plan how to achieve my goals
  • Look into doing life coach or mentoring course to gain knowledge
  • Get into the mindset that any step towards a dream is good enough for me

Three ways your life will benefit?

  • Achieve my goals
  • Getting to live my life the way I want it
  • Change of mindset

Three ways you’ll benefit others?

  • I might help someone be happy in their life
  • I might create more jobs
  • I might help someone relax

 

 

Goals, Life, Mental Health, Personal Development

MCS: Part 1

It’s Most Courageous Self (MCS) month in The Your Courageous Year Planner by Kate Courageous. A free planner for subscribers to her site. Over the next 3 days, I’m going to share some of my responses to questions that I feel are apart of my journey.


If you woke up and your entire life went exactly the way that you wanted it to go, from morning until night. What would your day look like?

I would wake up with my iPod playing music that I love. Allowing me to sing along and have a dance. I’d wake up in my own bed, with my partner by my side, in our own home. I’d look forward to the day ahead to help as many as I can.

I’d have fruit, porridge and honey for breakfast. Sat on a window seat, looking outside, watching the dog run around. I’d then walk the dog, feed the foster small animals, shower, and get myself ready for the day ahead.

I’d start work focusing on one task or client at a time. Helping them achieve their goals, living their life just the way they want to, as independently as they can. I work to my own schedule, have an office in my home as my base.

I’d have a break in the afternoon, catching up with friends and family, go for a walk. I’d have a set time each day where I’d finish work. I’d make a homecooked meal if my partner is in, we do it together. Sitting down to eat, then walk the dog together as well.

I’d sit by the window with a good book, or snuggle up with a good film or a relax in the bath. All with candles around me/us.

I’d get into bed at the end of the day feeling a sense of achievement and satisfaction for helping another get closer to their dream.


What excites/delights me?

Being able to help others. Being able to run my own schedule. Being independent but still doing things with my partner. Having animals around me, helping them to live healthy between homes.

What makes you curious?

What it would be like to be self-employed. Have my own home with a seat in the window. I wonder what would happen if I trained to be a life coach.

Friendships, Life, Writing

Time off Work

When I left work at 12:15 today, it began my 9-day annual leave. I’m so glad it’s begun. Last time I had time off was back in July. The same time I started this blog and my birthday month.

I took a risk and got my hair cut to my shoulders. Over the past year, I’ve slowly been getting it shorter. This time I just said cut it. I’m glad I did. I really like it.

This evening, it’s been my friend G’s birthday meal. We went to a restaurant I’d never been to before. It was nice to try it out and spend time with good friends.

Boy, was it expensive. I believe the 50/30/20 rule isn’t gonna fit my wages this month. I’m still saving. It’s the essential/lifestyle parts I haven’t got to grips with. I’m not gonna stop trying. I’ll get there. It has started to get me to think where my income is going and my relationship with it.

Learning, Life, Mental Health, Writing

How the Fear Routines and I Connect

Wanting courage within myself. That is something I want to embody. To have courage fight through my fear and anxiety. To have it as an instinct rather than that part of me that gets shut behind a door. 

Watching Kate Courageous in one of her videos got me thinking about why my courage is behind a closed door. She speaks of her fear routines. Surely I need to understand before I can conquer. Looking at her fear routines, I can’t really pinpoint an exact one I fall into. I have parts in all. 

I believe my number 1 is THE SABOTEUR:  I try new things or start something but never finish or get to the end then don’t use it. Would have saved me a lot of education debt. All because of fear. Those negative thoughts going through my head. I start things then quit to do something else regardless if I wanna do it anymore. There are times I underperform. Mainly when I’m getting towards my low moods. 

But my number 2 THE PERFECTIONIST comes though. At these times the perfectionist helps. But I haven’t worked out how to stop or at least slow it down. I go from underperforming to overperforming. Getting into the drive where I need to be and do better. That I have to do the job, get it done, even though another could have done it exactly the same way. But I need to know that it is perfect. Going into the mindset that I need to do even when I know it’s not right. 

I’m not sure which way around to put my number 3 and 4. Could I have a joint one? Have THE MARTER and THE PESSIMIST at the same level. 

THE MARTER: I clearly have a saboteur pattern as this is my number 1. I give to others and no go after what I want.  This I have reduced slightly. I give to others but am starting to go after what I want. I’m glad I wrote this. I believe THE MARTER is my number 4. 

Number 3 has to be THE PESSIMIST: My negative thoughts and anxiety help to rule THE PESSIMIST in me. I get the “things don’t work out for me” feeling. That the world is out to get me. Tests me. 

I feel my number 2-4 lead me to the point that they help my SABOTEUR. That it’s feeding off my other fear routines. Now I need to figure out how to cut these fear routines down to open up my courage. 

That’s for another day. Do you have any of these fear routines? Do you have your own?

 

Life, Mental Health

If I Totally Trusted Myself….

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would feel:

Confident. Happy. Joyful. A sense of integrity. Excited. Easeful. Nourished. Open.

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would do less:

Complaining. Resenting. People pleasing. Spending money I shouldn’t. Lie or keep my mouth closed. Keep putting things off.

If I totally trusted myself, on a day to day basis, I would do more:

Yoga. Cooking from scratch. Traveling. Mindful budgeting. Be more creative. Open to all friends. Have more experiences. Enjoy sex.